Crumbling Relationships During The Weight Loss Journey

I never thought it would be true for me. When I read about people's relationships with their family and friends changing during their weightloss journey, I always told myself, "It won't be that way from you."  Sadly, I was wrong. My relationships with some of my close friends and family members have begun to change. I'll be honest. I put off having surgery for an entire year because I was afraid of having a new life. I was afraid of losing everyone. I was afraid that no one would like the new me that was more confident and less needy and dependent. The fear almost drove me insane. It was crippling. I had noticed a difference in people's behavior toward me when I lost the first 70 pounds, and this happened before surgery.  I just  knew that having surgery and losing more weight would worsen the matter. Now, I have lost approximately 82 pounds before surgery and I am still super morbidly obese. What will life be like after I have surgery?

It really hurts to relinquish relationships with people that I love. Actually, it's down right devastating, but I am realizing that in order to be who God called me to be, then I have to grow, change, and evolve. This is the time for me to have this surgery. Some people will be with me on this life changing journey and others will not. I have to accept that fact and move past it. Right now I just feel like I am losing so much.

Please seek the help of a qualified professional counselor.

There is so much change involved in significant weight loss --- some things you may need to change about yourself and some that you may need to accept in others.

Not every relationship survives this ----- but many do -- and it is worth it to do the work to discern which ones are worth working hard to keep.

I had to acknowledge my own changes -- it was not all 'on' the other person -- I was being different as I lost weight.  I was becoming more confident, more active, less willing to accept life as it had been for so many years.

I had to own my part in changing the dynamics of relationships that I was in --- and work to establish new dynamics and ground rules.  It was definitely worth it.

I agree that you should see a therapist about these feelings - consider it a gift to yourself!

I didn't have any relationships change or deteriorate because of my WLS - it was just a surgery like any other for me.  My sister had an RNY two years ago and she's not had any problems with family or friend relationships either. 

I think that for some people (and this may be you) having the surgery highlights problems that are already there - friendships that are not equal, unhealthy family dynamics, fragile marriages etc.   A therapist will really help you to understand these and put them into perspective so you can deal with these as you lose the weight.

Good luck!

My beautiful sista, sometimes people come into our lives for a reason and for a season ... when the season is over just let them go.  I bet your TRUE friends will remain and those are the ones you should cherish.

I personally have not experienced any changes whatsoever in terms of family or friends.  My friends were all in the loop and all encouraging and supportive and still are just as they were before and after my surgery ... my family is AWESOME both here and abroad ... if anything my relationships overall have grown stronger with time.  There is a great difference between friends and acquaintances ... IMO weight and illness are a non-factor where friends are concerned.

I am agreeing with Sin here .. maybe you will benefit from seeing and talking to someone on a professional level.... I hope you can get through and sort through this phase with help that would allow you to embrace and love yourself as a person and realize that sometimes we just have to let some go..

I am all about helping and being my brother's keeper and a loyal friend and helping others carry their load within reason .. when their load becomes heavier than mine and threatens to break my back I would cut the suckers loose in a minute ... No one has the power to make you unhappy or happy but you ... sometimes we just have to let them go...


Wishing you nothing but the best on your journey...

Or you can drag your family and friends along for the ride kicking and screaming perhaps but still coming along.  You need not lose anyone, you just have to be honest and open about how you feel and express it to them and not let them off the hook no matter what.  I eat totally differently then I did before and my bf lost about 70lbs the first year I had wls just because he was eating less also.  He is now heavier then ever, he said he gains weight for everyone pound I lose.  I support him in whatever he wishes to do, if he wants to diet I will help him if he says **** you to dieting then thats his right and I will never judge him for it.  Harping never helps anyone.  You can be thin and have a relationship with your family and friends who aren't, they just have to adjust to the new you and realize you are the same person just in a new smaller package.

Good Luck

Keep yourself strong! You did this for your health and so that you would be around to enjoy those in your life, remind them!

Thank you everyone. Your words have helped me tremendously.

Funny, I started dropping friends right when I had surgery. Then some more along the way.

Seeing a great therapist really helped me.

I don't know all the specific dynamics... but people change and WE change as well.

Looking back though, it was like my garden needed weeding - those people that are gone that were negative..pffftttt....didn't need their negative energy. Those people that were the nelly naysayers...well they can kiss my ........the list goes on and on.

I saved my life with my decision as far as I'm concerned and I feel fabulous. I don't regret any of it - lost "friends" and all. Reasons and Seasons like M said!!!

Binda