How To Be Drama-Free? START WITH YOURSELF.

 

How to be DRAMA FREE!  Start with yourself.  
via - http://www.workhappynow.com/2011/09/how-to-be-drama-fre-start-with-yourself/

(Gulp.  This hurts.)

Blame Game

It’s easy to blame drama on others.  After all, you’re the good guy in these dynamics; why don’t they get it? 

One of the most difficult challenges for aspiring leaders is to “own their stuff"—to acknowledge that they are equally responsible for creating any situation where drama exists.

Four Energy-draining Personalities

Most drama is caused by four primary energy-draining personalities that sabotage workplace collaboration and synergy:

• Complainer
• Controller
• Cynic
• Caretaker.

The Complainer is the one who is never at fault – not enough time, resources or support.

The Controller has to be in charge – perhaps micromanaging, sometimes being the bully.

The Cynic must be right; often pointing out how others’ ideas will never work and making fun of the person who brought it up.

The Caretaker wants to be liked so much that they say yes to everything, which becomes a problem when they bite off more than they can chew and they miss deadlines.

(Which one are YOU?  I am a mix of all of them, mostly cynical.  Unfortunately.  This is a fail on my part -- I'm working on it. -MM)

Like me, most people want to start with the question: how do I help others change? But, we have found that before you can guide others, you have to take inventory of your interaction strengths and the ways you sabotage relationships. The strength inventory is usually easy. It’s fun to appreciate your talent and amazing ability to do what you do. The sabotage inventory is more difficult. It requires the vulnerability and courage to seek others’ candid observations and advice about your behavior.

Watch Yourself

Taking my own advice, I asked myself what my part was in creating the drama. I wondered which Drama personalities I was using that were sabotaging us. I noticed how I had fallen into Complainer. I didn’t have enough time to do everything he asked and his requests were too hard. I realized that I would have micromanaged someone acting the way I was. Then I saw my Cynic. The enthusiasm I had at the beginning of the project had become critical… I saw everything wrong with what we were doing, but didn’t offer any suggestions to change. Once I saw myself in these drama roles, I could shift into taking responsibility – renegotiating our deadlines and making suggestions for how we could change the writing to be better.

By identifying and correcting the four drama roles (Complainer, Controller, Cynic, Caretaker), you are well on your way to eliminating drama. If you want even more clarity, invite your work colleagues, family members, and friends to give you timely, direct feedback.

Quick Drama Reducing Tips

Here is a quick way to start looking at how these drama roles show up for you.  Ask friends and coworkers (or others!):

• Where do you see me complaining? Not taking responsibility for my situation?
• Where do you see me controlling? Taking over and micromanaging?
• Where do you see be being cynical? Discounting others or being sarcastic?
• Where do you seem me care-taking? Rescuing others instead of letting them do things on their own?

I have aspects of the cynic and the controller for the most part. Strangely, recent medical treatment of my anxiety has helped me to improve (and made me able to make changes that will help me improve more) in both of these areas. Makes me wonder if I was so controlling because I felt anxious and out of control myself?

There's a lot of truth to this. Great post!

I think drama is my transfer addiction.   I'm trying to shave back on it.  I only add a little of it to my coffee every morning.

The biggest help for me in controlling my level of drama, at least on OH, is to type out EXCACTLY what I want to say and then I hit cancel button instead of submit.  I think my percentage of cancel hits is way higher than my submit hits. 

I know some people wi**** was higher.

I think this post is illuminating, but I'm not sure it is necessarily helpful to what is going on, which is a concerted attempt to take down OH as a site, using whatever means the gang can come up with.

I value OH a lot, and hope they can come up with a way to deal with the evil influences for once and for all.

We can do something about it, m m, if we value OH as a site. I think enough of us need to post our support, and use the gang's tactics on them.

While I do agree that there are some people who want to see OH fail because of what has happened to them, or a friend of theirs on this site there is still the very legitemate issue of people thinking that what they post on this website will not be shared on a more public website.

I know OH is very "public" but I have a somewhat reasonable expectation that topics of my medical history that I post over here on OH will not end up on the public stage of facebook.  I now have to reconsider what I post over here on OH.

Wow  Beth,  this is a great article and you are very brave to take your inventory so publicly and request feedback....unless you are just being dramatic. ha ha.

Thanks for taking my mind off the whole Facebook fiasco.

always good to see you.

c.