The number on the scale determines my worth.

I certainly don't have my self worth tied to the scale, but I do find it a useful measurement of how I am doing.

The number matters, so does bad hair days.  I wouldn't step on a scale today or go near a mirror, I can't be more miserable.  I am living for Saturday when I can atleast tell my hairdresser to do something with it to make me HAPPY.  **** she has her work cut out for her.

 Oh Heidi.

I haven't had my hair did since... **** August?

Let's not discuss the nails.

We will survive.

I think its more an annoyance when I feel my jeans are tight or my hair looks like crap, my self worth isn't effected but my mood sure as hell is.  I get really *****y and crabby, its just reality we can pretend these things don't matter but they do.  When I wear combat boots and jeans and my boyfriends hoodie I tend to over eat because I don't feel feminine and I am not in the mindset of eating like a girl.  When I wear fitted sweaters and leggings and high heeled boots I eat very little.  That's how I feel, I cannot change it.

 I get that.

I spend much of my time in pajamas, loose tees -- and if I don't pay attention I WILL overdo it.

I do MUCH better eating out of the house, and being distracted.  Dressed up, I am usually on my best behavior.

It's all trickery and deception, but whatever the hell works.  I refuse to not wear my jeans because if I keep wearing leggings all the time I can't feel the squeeze.  I do make myself get back on track the second my jeans are even slightly snug,  its the only way it will work for me.  I won't go back to the days of denial, I was good yesterday ate about 1000 calories because I had to pick a snack, I chose some left over chocolate covered strawberries, I had three small ones.  I didn't stop because I was full or satisfied or happy I had three, I stopped because my bf's mom ruined the rest of them by covering in dark chocolate.  But whatever it worked, I stopped and went to bed feeling like a hero.

I don't have a scale at home, I weigh at the gym, and the scale is right out on the cardio floor, so I can't abuse it. But you bet your ass I say a prayer and hold my breath when I get on it. I have a whole ritual too: pee and take my shoes off. Being ****** up in the head is part of my innate charm, dont ya know.

Thank you!  I needed this!!!

The ******* has been in the garage before and may go in there again!

Blessings to you!!!!


~~Jennifer

 Mine has moved out of the bathroom.  Now it's in the front room where I have to get on it fully clothed -- and I won't do it -- so?  Win!