How do you CREATE a NEW COMMUNITY?
Choose your battles carefully! Some are worth fighting, and change is hard for most of us.
It helps me to have a purpose and a strategy, just the way a plan and a strategy makes weight loss and maintenance easier. I also have a planned approach for myself, whi*****ludes not taking stuff personally no matter what, staying off the defensive, and keeping clear about my goals.
I view it all as practice for assertiveness skills in standing up for my values. Practice by its very nature includes lots of mistakes. Make mistakes part of the music. I practice growing my rhino hide.
The other thing I try to remember is breakdown comes before breakthrough.
The payoff for me is higher self confidence and better ability to dance with the **** that life can contain. It gets easier to stay thin that way.
It helps me to have a purpose and a strategy, just the way a plan and a strategy makes weight loss and maintenance easier. I also have a planned approach for myself, whi*****ludes not taking stuff personally no matter what, staying off the defensive, and keeping clear about my goals.
I view it all as practice for assertiveness skills in standing up for my values. Practice by its very nature includes lots of mistakes. Make mistakes part of the music. I practice growing my rhino hide.
The other thing I try to remember is breakdown comes before breakthrough.
The payoff for me is higher self confidence and better ability to dance with the **** that life can contain. It gets easier to stay thin that way.
"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach
"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay
What can we do to create the community we once had -- or to create an entirely NEW sense of community?
In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves. -Buddha
Maybe it's not the time for you to start or lead a crusade of peace but to follow one that is already started. There are plenty of people on here already participating in a healthy supportive community, give them your attention. Those who want to throw you off the path or distract you from doing good should be ignored (and blocked).
I'm not saying this from a point of piousness, I'm really not, because I've been there and I know I still have a lot to learn. When things got rough on the first R&R I wanted peace and rainbows and puppies and by GOD people were going to have it no matter what the cost to me and my time because I was fighting the good fight, or at least what I thought was a good fight. The problem is that way of thinking is arrogant and left me vulnerable to my ego. Trust me every time I have left this board is not because of what someone else did to me but what I did to myself and because I became something I didn't like.
It's not up to you to fix or alter how people online behave, they behave as they do. It's on you to listen to those who lead you in a right direction and to filter out those who are in pain and want to project that on other people.
Beth, you have an amazing ability to do good and to reach people. It's a gift. I'm sure you have limited attention to give, spend it wisely.
In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves. -Buddha
Maybe it's not the time for you to start or lead a crusade of peace but to follow one that is already started. There are plenty of people on here already participating in a healthy supportive community, give them your attention. Those who want to throw you off the path or distract you from doing good should be ignored (and blocked).
I'm not saying this from a point of piousness, I'm really not, because I've been there and I know I still have a lot to learn. When things got rough on the first R&R I wanted peace and rainbows and puppies and by GOD people were going to have it no matter what the cost to me and my time because I was fighting the good fight, or at least what I thought was a good fight. The problem is that way of thinking is arrogant and left me vulnerable to my ego. Trust me every time I have left this board is not because of what someone else did to me but what I did to myself and because I became something I didn't like.
It's not up to you to fix or alter how people online behave, they behave as they do. It's on you to listen to those who lead you in a right direction and to filter out those who are in pain and want to project that on other people.
Beth, you have an amazing ability to do good and to reach people. It's a gift. I'm sure you have limited attention to give, spend it wisely.
I have been a member who lurked on the board on and off for over 4 years. I mostly avoided posting due to the fear of being chewed out, bullied or what ever you want to call it. I have seen plenty of rude comments and bullying. I am a member of other WLS boards also and have seen the same behavior.
The only saving grace for this board at times are the members who go out of there way to help people. It does still happen more so here than on other boards I have frequented. There are still many members who go out of there way to help others without being critical. I am trying to become more involved here. IMO I am trying to lean more towards the attitude of you get out of it what you put into it. So basically if I want support and friendship I also need to provide that for others who are here for the same purpose.
As for the negative energies here I have blocked about 10 people here over the years. Some are gone now. I've heard I may be missing out on some of the great advice they give, but I personally can not handle the delivery method. I am, inherently, a people pleaser. I try my best to treat others as I want to be treated. If someone is ignorant to me though, my middle finger itches, my temper flairs and then I am no better than the person who riled me up in the first place. I don't need that energy. I feel if I want more from this board or any other I have to start with me.
The only saving grace for this board at times are the members who go out of there way to help people. It does still happen more so here than on other boards I have frequented. There are still many members who go out of there way to help others without being critical. I am trying to become more involved here. IMO I am trying to lean more towards the attitude of you get out of it what you put into it. So basically if I want support and friendship I also need to provide that for others who are here for the same purpose.
As for the negative energies here I have blocked about 10 people here over the years. Some are gone now. I've heard I may be missing out on some of the great advice they give, but I personally can not handle the delivery method. I am, inherently, a people pleaser. I try my best to treat others as I want to be treated. If someone is ignorant to me though, my middle finger itches, my temper flairs and then I am no better than the person who riled me up in the first place. I don't need that energy. I feel if I want more from this board or any other I have to start with me.
Kim B.
HW 295/ SW 281/ CW 209.6/ GW 155
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt
HW 295/ SW 281/ CW 209.6/ GW 155
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt
We cannot change others; we can only change ourselves.
I come to OH because it keeps me GROUNDED. I have only two people on ignore; one is now dead (RIP, yehuda), the other was thrown out (Diana). I view this website like a community garage sale; I take the things I can use, contribute a few things I think others can use, and leave the rest. I don't comment on the crap others contribute, unless I feel it is dangerous to the wellbeing of others.
THAT. IS. IT.
It keeps me sane.
I come to OH because it keeps me GROUNDED. I have only two people on ignore; one is now dead (RIP, yehuda), the other was thrown out (Diana). I view this website like a community garage sale; I take the things I can use, contribute a few things I think others can use, and leave the rest. I don't comment on the crap others contribute, unless I feel it is dangerous to the wellbeing of others.
THAT. IS. IT.
It keeps me sane.
Marilyn (now in NM)
RNY 10/2/01
262(HW)/150-155(GW)/159(CW)
(updated March 2012)
Hear! Hear!!!
"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach
"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay
Most Active
Recent Topics
International Study Finds That Diet is More Important Than Exercise in Weight Loss
Batwingsman · 0 replies · 2064 views
Batwingsman · 0 replies · 2064 views