What to do when the love of your life tells you you are too thin...

Judi J.
on 3/10/12 9:24 pm - MN
Courtney maybe he is just not used to the new you. You lost pretty quickly and he is used to you being pregnant and breastfeeding!

Most people's bodies do tend to settle down, readjust and it is possible you could bounce back up a few pounds but from everything I've read around here, just keep doing what you do and let your body find it's happy place.

Give him time. He'll adjust. He loves you and he worries and you are evolving. xoxo
tripmom02
on 3/12/12 1:59 am - NJ
 HA, not only knocked up and breastfeeding, but I was 300 lbs the day we got married, he had never seen me under 270 until I got my band. So this has been a shocker to him. I know he loves me and he worries, its kinda cute really. 

Courtney - Lap band to VSG revision
      

    
(deactivated member)
on 3/10/12 9:27 pm - Newnan, GA
VSG on 05/04/09 with

Just some questions girlie..
What is it that is going to change before you like what you see in the mirror?

What do not you like right now?

And this is something too - talking about weight and food, blahblahblah, here is one thing, but folks IRL mostly do not care to hear about it as often and much, and what they hear sounds obsessive.  *I do not know what your husband hears!* but I wonder if its not just the thin, but the whole deal? 

Of course I do not know, but my main question is - what will it take for this "liking what you see in the mirror" to happen?  What would that look like?  Is it a size?  Will it only happen after skin removal?  Will it happen after skin removal?  Is it a firmness? 

I wish you some home-peace girlie!  Its miserable to have weirdness at home because of our bodies, no matter what the situation!

tripmom02
on 3/12/12 2:04 am - NJ
 It's hard to say, I don't really know what would make me happy, I just know that I am not pleased with what I see at this moment in time. I carry alot of my weight in the middle, and I know I could stand to lose more there but everything else IS very thin looking at the moment (working on that with weight training). I think I would like to get down to a true size 8 (my tens fit perfect, even a little lose at this point). 

I am too chicken to post my half naked pictures, to see what others think, but I really don't look at myself and think "too thin". Maybe I am crazy (well, not maybe, but..you know LOL). 


Courtney - Lap band to VSG revision
      

    
Jackie McGee
on 3/10/12 9:54 pm - PA
Say, "Thanks! I'd rather hear that than 'You're still too fat'."

 Proud mama of Mischa and Gabriel, both born post-op.

MacMadame
on 3/10/12 10:19 pm - Northern, CA
I think it's pretty common to hear this from family and friends and it comes from several sources.

First, many of them are just not used to seeing you thin. In those cases, I've known people who were told they looked like a crack ***** when their BMI was still obese! It's clearly not a case of those people seeing us as we really are and us not seeing it. They are the ones with warped perceptions here.

Second, many of them have warped ideas about what is normal. Again they are not dealing with reality but are just used to seeing people overweight that they think anyone at a normal weight is "too thin."

Third, some of them are jealous (probably your dh's issue).

Fourth, some guys like chubby women (a possible issue for your dh?).

Fifth, sometimes we get a bit gaunt looking as the weight comes off so fast that maybe we really are too thin in some places. But time fixes that as the weight redistributes.

I will tell you that at the end of Jan, I saw some people I hadn't seen in two years when I was at my lowest. They all told me how good I looked and that last time they saw me I was too thin. Except I was at my "winter" weight from lack of working out and you can see in the pictures that I'm a little chubby in the middle and I had a visible roll around my waist. Sorry, but there is no way I really looked better then than I did the last time I saw them. (If they said it now that the roll is gone, I'd believe them but not back in late Jan.)

HW - 225 SW - 191 GW - 132 CW - 122
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tripmom02
on 3/12/12 2:08 am - NJ
 Thank you so much for your post, there is so much truth in what you said. My BMI IS still obese and several people have said that I am too thin, HELLO if I had been a "normal" weight my whole life and gained to this weight people would call me chubby! I just don't understand. 

My husband always dated skinny, tiny girls (we are talking no boobs or butts, stick thin girls) before me, I was the first fat girl he ever dated, so I guess maybe I just changed his view of sexy LOL I guess I will have to change it again. 

Courtney - Lap band to VSG revision
      

    
Lori P.
on 3/11/12 12:54 am - Kenosha, WI
You will likely gain a few pounds back once you hit you goal and try to maintain.  Many folks go a bit under and then let their body settle in.

Unless you are 6ft tall....your weight is ok!  You hubby is used to looking at you big and so you do seem very different to him now.  Many poeple are also all lines and angles when they first lose wieght...once you maintain at your goal for awhile, you will probably notice that the weight will redistrubute into a more rounded and pleasing appearance. 

You need to please yourself first....when you feel attractive, the rest will fall into place! 

 



     SW 212 / Goal 130 / Current 130


 

 

tripmom02
on 3/12/12 2:11 am - NJ
 See that was part of my thinking too, if I want to maintain at like 159 - 160 then I need to get lower then that so I can have a little room to play around and figure out what my body needs to maintain. I am pretty much all angles and lines right now, so maybe just giving it some time to settle will help both of us. 

Thanks so much for your reply! 

Courtney - Lap band to VSG revision
      

    
DebsGiz
on 3/11/12 3:11 am - FL

I don't think there is enough information in your question to really give you a straightforward answer.

What is your history with your husband?  Do you trust him to be telling you the truth based upon the facts, or his own emotional stuff?  Oftentimes, people tell us things that come from their own warped perception of reality. 

For me, after 32 years of marriage, my husband has shown me over and over that any concerns he has for me come from a loving place and are genuinely meant to be in my best interest; consequently, if he told me I was looking too thin, I would have to stop, evaluate, and analyze what he is expressing because I trust that it would be coming from genuine concern for me and not some hang-up of his.

Keep in mind that an anorexic (not even meant to imply that you are one, simply using as example), thinks they are too heavy, yet left without intervention they will starve themselves to death.

If you genuinely trust your husband's opinion, then it may be time for you to really take a good look at this, with a therapist if necessary.

Wishing you the best!! 

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