bridesmaid with cold feet?

 I was asked to be in a wedding this March and I am/was so excited!  I have been asked several times but i have always said no.  I felt that i was too big and didnt want to embarrassed.  So this time i was able to say yes.  However, before i even agreed, i said....you may not want me to be a bridesmaid because i would have to have sleeves on the dress.  I have MAJOR bat wings going on.  MAJOR.  It worked out great because she was not comfortable with her arms either and had already picked out a jacket to go with the dresses.  SWEEET.  not.  her jacket and the maid of honor's jacket got messed up.  No time and no material to fix them.  So her mom suggests shawls.  I stay very very quiet.  my friend says, i want jackets.  I like the jackets.  her mom says, you want the jackets cuz your friend is demanding jackets.  its your wedding.  do what you want.   i felt horrible.  i wasnt trying to be demanding.  I didnt think it was even an issue because she picked the jackets before she even asked me.  my friend was quick to reassure her mom she wanted the jackets and was upset she got stuck with a shawl.  she is letting the two (me and another bridesmaid) keep the jackets while she and her maid of honor use the shawls.  I still feel horrible and like i did something wrong.  ugh.  

I would be so uncomfortable in a shawl and i would hate it.  but i pasted on a big smile and said, i will absolutely wear a shawl if you want to match.  I am totally okay with it.  (well!  its her day!)  she was totally cool and said, i really wanted the jackets.  THey are staying in.  so .....  why cant i get the excitement back about actually being able to be in a wedding?  all i can hear echoing in my ears is ...demanding...your day....ugh.  did i really behave like that??  i didnt think so.  my friend doesnt appear as tho i did or to be upset.  so why the hell am i stuck on it??  

kinda wish now i had done one of those thanks but no thanks numbers.  except....i am so done with letting my crap thinking and self esteem keep me away from my friends and family.  maybe this is just social anxiety kicking me hard right now.  I didnt leave my house for over two years not so long ago.  i have now launched myself in FRONT of other people.  walking down the aisle.  with her brother.  alone.  omg.  i cant breathe.  (meant to be funny to reader but i think im freaking out a little!  holy hell.) (on the good side, he is tall.  Im 5'9" tall and am wearing heels as well....lol)

GAH!  someone tell me this gets easier.  just when i think im okay with what i see, i find out im not.  crap!!  

AW, sweety, I am sorry you are feeling this way.  It sucks what our own minds can do to us.  I am 8 years out from surgery and have been through therapy, and I can say that things are much better and much easier now than the early days out.  But every now and then those old thought habits will get me.  I guess I will always be a work in progress. 

I think you have a great friend who loves you and wants you in her wedding.  You should hold your head high and smile and enjoy sharing this special day with her.  And don't forget to breathe. 

Hon, read your post. You said she had already picked out jackets BEFORE asking you to be a bridesmaid. Her mom was just being a *itch.

I definitely understand why you would feel this way.  But, at this point, just breathe.. focus on your wonderful friend who obviously loves you... and ROCK  HOW  PRETTY  YOU  ARE  GOING  TO  LOOK!! You look great, and you are going to look wonderful!! work on some relaxation techniques!!... Add whatever touches make you feel extra pretty and enjoy the day!! It should be a GREAT DAY!!!

I second what Miss Lady posted. Don't let her mother's words take away from the fact that your friend wanted you in her wedding. Enjoy that day for her and for yourself ...in the jacket you both wanted. 

Boy... you have issues with people doing things because of you  just because your are important to them...
What would you do if the roles were reversed? 

I feel so lucky and so happy when my friends going out of their way to show that I and my needs (like special foods, other restrictions) are important to them.   I feel loved and feel so lucky that they like me so much that they would go the extra mile to make me happy..

Don't feel guilty- please - feel great - look at your friend and see her for the real person, loving and loyal to you... even at her own wedding.  Go to her with a smile (and a tear) and tell her that you love her, and appreciate the effort.   Tell her that.  Tell her that she makes you feel so loved and so special..

Value her and her friendship. You are a very lucky person to have a friend like that. 
(HUGS)

 I went through the same critical self doubt last year when my daughter got married.  I was front and center for everything being the mother of the bride and her father was a dead beat so I the father of the bride things too!!!  Inside I was dying but I put a big smile on face and tried to enjoy myself...and did for most of it.  My daughter even said she couldn't believe I didn't complain once...but I would never do that to her.  She loved her wedding and it was worth it

Okay, something bothers me here.  You said in your posting - her mom says, "ou want the jackets cuz your friend is demanding jackets".

Who said that?  Who told the mother that you "demanded" jackets?  She didn't just make that up - she had to have heard that from some one? 

I just want to make sure no one is throwing YOU under the bus so to speak.  And that could happen in any situation.  Think of it as someone might not like a certain color, or a certain length.  To me, it's interesting that you're focusing on the covering your arms aspect rather than how that information got to her mother. 

You are doing a very wonderful thing for your friend and you deserve to comfortable.  And if you are comfortable in a jacket or a shawl - you should enjoy the experience without guilt!

Sandie

Oh honey if the BRIDE says it's ok, then guess what??  It's OK!!!  Please just go and ENJOY yourself dance a little and have a GREAT time.

Remember the BRIDE said it's ok!!

Ms Shell

 THank for all the replies and food for thought.  I think I am back in the right direction.  Im glad i didnt say anything else or attempt an apology or launch an investigation or any of those things I would have done.  Truth is, this just isnt about me.  People are stressed as the wedding is next saturday and some things are a little bumpy right now.  Things get said.  No one means half of what they say and i think social anxiety is making me too sensitive.  lol.  Focus is back on bride.  If she wanted me to wear a hula skirt and and coconut bra, i would.  I wouldnt like it, but i would.  She deserves the best for being such a great friend.  I'm so glad and grateful to be asked to be a part of her day.  Love will conquer any of that anxiety crap.  I know i am stronger than it is now.  Just forgot to think it through for a minute.  Thanks for reminding me.

Tried dresses on today....Other than being taken in two inches, my dress is perfect.  The lady is a genius.  AND!  the dress had the options for sleeves or no sleeves.  Bride showed the lady her bat wings and said, umm...sleeves please.  We all laughed like hell.  Maybe I am not so different after all.  hmmm.  Anyway.  the bride is absolutely stunning in a light purple dress.  We have a richer purple gown.  It is an Hawiiaan theme.  Everything is coming together now.  Its gonna be okay.  lol

I have always said i am lucky to have great friends.  I am glad i get to be a friend back.  Even if i do get a little nutty sometimes.  lol