Making room for the positive

I am laughing at myself right now because i just wrote this long rambling introduction informing you of how positive i usually am and blah blah blah.  Trying to forgive myself for having some uncomfortable feelings...or at least excuse them with an "i am usually so positive.  LMAO.  Feelings are still my battle ground and I am not sure that anyone, no matter how positive they are, can feel great all the time.  This is one of my times where a little venting and perhaps some support is needed.  Better than grabbing a spoon and a pint for a pity party. 

Recently, i had my ONLY complication from losing almost 300 pounds.  I had an internal hernia.  To be honest, I didnt even notice it really.  Except when I ate and my intestines got hung up in the hole.  (yuck i know.  sorry)  Other than that, I didnt even know I had an issue.  I let it go and got worn down.  Ended up having laproscopic surgery because well, if the intestines do get caught and stay caught it means big issues.  Plus i am sure a hole in the aabdomen isnt good.  lol.  Anyway, it was a quick surgery even if it was unexpected and my doc knew right away what it was and how to fix it.  He is amazing.  I am eating again and feeling great, even if I am a little fatigued still. 

The complication didnt bum me out.  The backlash did.  Even from my strong supporters!  They all of a sudden are bad mouthing the proceedure that not only SAVED my life, but gave me a life worth living!  I lost 300 pounds almost!  I am sure the tissue is weak in there!  But it isnt anyone's fault and it isn't something that was done on purpose.  But the backlash was loud.  I am an advocate for wls because of what it has done for my health and my quality of life.  I stay active with issues because it helps me to remain on track.  To hear people bad mouth it, my supporters especially, because of a little bump in the road really got my undies in a twist.  lol.  THere!   I said it!  I was miffed!  That's right.  I had a negative emotion and I didnt eat over it.  Take that you critics!  lol.  (kidding)  ANyway, I dont defend the wl surgery that i had, i simply inform those that ask what it has done for me.  So to feel like I had to defend kinda wore on me a little. 

Also, I live in small town Iowa.  I have lived here my whole life.  Everyone knows me. You can not fart without the town being aware of the smell factor.  Keeping surgery a secret was not an option.   However, since i wasnt visible for a while, some dont know what i look like now.  I walk into the local gas station and they are talking about how awful i look and how gray i look and how i will gain it all back and be back to "hog size."  The funny part is that NONE of the people talking realized it was me until i said, "Who are you all gossiping about now?"  People recognize my voice, not me.  They turned bright red and looked ashamed.  They had no idea.  It occured to me to ask, "If you think i look gray and awful, that would mean you had seen me recently.  How could you not recognize me then?"  No answer.  Improptu coffee break over.  I walked out feeling weird.  WOW!  how fast it went from community support to people watching and waiting for me to fail.  I was taken aback.  I know the opinions shouldnt matter.  But really?  you are betting when someone is going to fail?  Do you bet about when or if someone's cancer returns?  WHen or if they have a heart attack again?  Go into diabetic coma?  ugh.  how ugly for them and I can help but feel a little bit sorry for them. 

It kinda wore on my positive attitude a little though i guess.  This too shall pass.  And the best way to deal with it all is to stay healthy.  Keep positive.  Love my friends and family.  And show love and forgiveness to the butt heads....i mean the lost souls in the gas station.  I will not falter or let someone change my course.  But man it felt lonely for a while.  Thanks for letting me dump.  Now all that crap is out of my head and heart and there is room for the good stuff in life.  and man that is allll around me!  woo.  life is so good today!  I hope you all are doing okay out there. 

I had 2 hernias and 2 hernia's surgeries.  both were Peterson style hernia. The way I explained that to some of my friends was that the holes were there before - but my fat covered that - and most likely the fat causes the holes to be that big.  After i lot the fat - is like losing a pillow that used to be stuffed there. The pillow is out - but the hole it created is still there. Also the fat make the tissue stretch and make it thin and with holes. Losing weight - not the actual WLS - exposed the holes.  - hernia.

I am glad to hear you are taking - or at least trying to take - the high road. Good luck.

Oh, I feel for you! And I sure acknowlege you for how you are managing, hurt feelings and all. It's hard enough, this journey, without what others can say and do.

I also have a hard time dealing with the feelings- no matter how positive we are, the feelings are still there, and they sure can hurt and discombobulate our insides. I wish there was an "off switch" for both our thoughts and our feelings sometimes.

Keep up your marvelous work! Don't let the negative drag you down!

You handled this with such grace ...I get hit with a lot of negatives but am determined to remain positive above all ... Sometimes the negatives are indeed uncomfortable and may throw me off my positive balance for a moment ...but I am determined that they shall not last for long nor have any lasting impact over me other than giving me strength to deal with future hurdles as they come ... 

I am determined to let no man's projection become a reflection of me because I know my heart and my mind ... just as you know yours.  I am sooooo glad you had a successful hernia repair and that your complication did not bum you out... that you were able to deal with the uncomfortable situation (I would have loved to see their faces when you spoke though LOL) and move on... CONGRATS!!! wishing you nothing but the best on your continued journey... 

Always remember ... whatever the hurdle, whatever the pain..there will always be sunshine after the rain!!!

I know exactly how the haters work and I use their negative energy as a force field, I don't ever want to prove those ******** right, so for me the more they hate the more determined I get.  Dig your heels in deep, the best revenge is being healthy and happy and weighing what makes you feel good, oh yeah and smile when you see them.  They hate that the most. lol

Enjoy yourself and sorry about the hernia, I hope you heal quickly!