Post-op Body Image

Here is a question for the people on the site that are probably more postop (like after you hit goal for a while).  Although I should note that those who are pre-op or newly pre-op should also be aware of this as it could also happen to you.

As for me, I was heavy and overweight my entire life.  Had two very large pregnancies (twins then triplets) several surgeries, and many health complications before even looking into gastric bypass.  I make it no secret to anyone about my RNY, just the way I am with my life I'm open about everything.  Having had RNY surgery in April of 2010 was the best gift I could have ever investigated, researched and given myself.  Also, the before and aftercare/education I continue to receive from my surgical team is top notch.  I also undergo therapy to help with all the head issues we have.  But there is one issue I can't seem to get past:  My Brain.

You see, when we have gastric bypass surgery or any type of wls, they operate on our stomachs and physical anatomy--NOT our BRAINS.  I still, at 2 1/2 years out, look into the mirror and see someone else entirely than the rest of the world.  Its almost like I still see myself heavy, very heavy, despite the fact that I've lost 175 lbs.  Even now, after all this time has past, I still go into stores for clothing and look at a size four and say to myself "this is NEVER going to fit" and sure enough it slides on, buttons/zips comfortably, and looks really good.  Its almost like I'm not used to my new body.  Just the other day when talking about this with my fiancee I noticed the way I walk.  I'm still walking like a heavy person even though I'm quite tiny (like with my legs apart shoulder width).  When I try to correct this and walk more like someone who is my size, my body fights me and wants to go back to walking the way its used to.  Its the strangest thing I've ever encountered.

So my question is this:  When does the brain 'catch up' to the body?  Mine certainly still hasn't.

Mallisa

 I don't relate, in my minds eye or my dreams I was of normal weight.  I wear size 6 now and they don't look small to me, I will never be the size I wish I was but I am okay where I am. My bmi is normal.

It took me a while.  But I was thin - even smaller size than I am now a few times for a few years...

But - what worked for me...
1. pictures with friends who I see as thin... then in comparison - I could see that I am as small or smaller than they are
2. Nice fitting clothes even in my own house when nobody sees that .
3. I also noticed that after a while - I could see myself in full length mirror as others see me - only when I looked down at my legs or my arms I saw myself as a :big person". So I invested in 4 full length mirrors and put them all over the house.  So when I walk I would catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and see the real me.  (the mirrors were cheap but nice - eat < $15 so 4 x 15=60 less that one hr therapy... lol).

It worked.  I still have days that I see myself as fat - but most skinny girls do....lol... and that is on days that I notice the extra roll, or the 3 lbs from the water retention - or just because... my hormones are all over the place...   

I think that full length mirrors are a great idea!!

I also wonder if yoga might help you put that brain more in touch with your body? There is such an opportunity to {how do I say this} "feel" yourself. You put your body, your mind and your spirit all in the same place at the same time. 

Speaking of touchy/feely, the author and self help guy, Jack Canfield, says to stand in front of that mirror, naked, every day and look yourself directly in the eye and say "I love you."  That's hard for me to do, and most days, I just don't take the time. I guess I've just forgotten it. But your question has resurfaced that little tip, and I'm going to try it. If you try it, let me know how it works for you.

~D

I know at least 4 members of one support group who have noted that they needed "professional counseling" to deal with their self image issues. It became a bothersome issue to them, and they all publically commented on how they benefited from conseling. So if it bothers you, talk to someone. DAVE

Even when I weighed in at my heaviest I never thought of my self as fat I still felt like I did before I had my kids, which is where I am trying to get now. So I hope I never feel that way.

6 years plus out and still waiting for that...lol

Dawn

 I am at my ideal weight, have been for around six months now. When I first got here I felt SO skinny, sexy and amazing, bur recently I have noticed that I am picking on myself again and letting the negative self talk come back. For example I have NOT gained any weight, but I look in the mirror now and feel fat, I poke and prod myself and wish that I could lose more weight (knowing full well that I will NEVER look healthy in a size 4). 

It's so very, very hard to change the thoughts and feelings that sometimes creep back in from nowhere. 

 I assume it will depend on how much & how fast you lose, among other things. I would say give yourself a minimum of 1 year after you reach goal.

2 1/2 years isn't that far out. in fact, I am almost to 4 years and it feels like the honeymoon just ended.

my point is cut yourself some slack. 

do you exercise? I would think the more you do certain kinds, the better your brain would get at interpeting the new body.

dance comes to mind. in fact, weight lifting does, too.

I'm almost 4 years out and do see myself as thin most of the time. I can relate to the part about walking. I think our center of gravity is off after being morbidly obese. I work hard to walk like a woman and not a caveman. I think that is an important thing for all of us to do.