Offended but justified?

martitalinda
on 7/31/12 1:15 am

I would have sat there perfectly composed throughout the entire convo nodding and smiling where needed all the while saying to myself 'this is the last time this sorry arse will get another minute of my time'... upon his departure I would wave him good-by NEVER to see or give him my time of day ever again... SHAME ON HIM! PELOTUDO!!!

autumnsiggy2 RNY 2/5/07 no regain having implemented lifestyle changes....

CorpusMutatis
on 7/31/12 1:21 am

VSG on 04/21/11

It seems he lacks empathy and an ability to be supportive. He may think he is being funny but he is in no way taking into account how his words come acros. It just seems to me like he may be a bit of a waste of time.

This is not an "in sickness and health" kind of person.

MyLady Heidi
on 7/31/12 1:23 am

OMG the guys a ******g complete and total ******g loser. Tell him hes a loser and to do the world a favor and never reproduce, we already have enough idiots on earth. I won't even begin to say what I really think of him. You get the idea.

I feel so bad for you, I know how hard it is to own those before pictures and for him to say that. Seriously anyone with half a brain had to know how hard that was, why he didn't is beyond me. OMG I want to hit him, really, and I am not a violent person.

Sarah R.
on 7/31/12 1:39 am

RNY on 05/09/11

Follow your gut and say goodbye. Its fine if he isnt physically attracted to larger women but the comments were way over the line and I agree who wants to be with someone who thinks those things about others? The comments regarding your children was the nail in the coffin. When I showed my most horrible before pics to my boyfriend expecting the worst he simply said...wow im so proud of you!...doubt he would have been attracted to me at that size but he is sensitive enough not to say that ****and anyone worth your time and affection should be man enough to get that.

(deactivated member)
on 7/31/12 1:46 am

VSG on 06/30/09

I would never go out with him again. I am OK with the idea that a man would prefer someone slim and healthy and would not date a heavier woman because he wasn't as sexually attracted to her. I am not OK with dating someone who lacks social tact, grace and empathy. This is only one of many situations in life where he would fail the empathy test. There is no reason to date someone like this, none. Eventually, he will hurt you again and will also hurt your children. You gave him a test and he failed it; move on.

Cindy T.
on 7/31/12 1:47 am - Newaygo, MI

RNY on 01/14/09

I would cut him loose. This isn't about our personal preference (thin vs heavy)...because I do believe we are allowed to be attracted to whomever we want, based on our own likes/dislikes. But it is about his character. That is something that goes deep to the core of a person. You've seen an undesireable character trait....it's not likely to change. And it doesn't sound like you'll ever be able to get over it or forget it. So (politely) move on....trust me, there are men out there who would never behave (or say anything) like that.

Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels!

Stephanie M.
on 7/31/12 2:14 am

On July 31, 2012 at 6:45 AM Pacific Time, lady_myst wrote:

I have been seeing this guy for a couple months now. I am honest fairly quickly about my weight loss. It comes up rather quickly anyway. I lost a lot of weight and have a lot of extra skin on my arms where anyone can see, and under the clothes where they cant. I finally felt safe enough with this gentleman to show him my before pics like he has been asking.

He was an ass. He made comments like, "OMG! you were HUGE. I totally would not have dated you. How did you get pregnant?? or have sex at all?" etc. Things that I have heard in the past when i was big. Things people say now to me that are totally offensive stilll about other people who happen to be obese.

I have learned not to cry in front of bullies. It makes them come at you harder and it ****** me off when I show weakness. But here is this guy who I (up to this point) like and respect being a complete asshole about me. Because although I dont look like that girl in the picture anymore, I AM her. I still have her thoughts and feelings. I still remember the pain of being teased and the cruel comments people used to make. I couldn't stop the tears from welling up. Which made me angry.

He apologized. But he did it with a laugh and added that he couldnt understand why i was offended since i didnt look like that anymore. He also gave me a friendly warning to watch my children as they are chunky kids (his words) and i wouldnt want them to get as big as a house like i did. (GRRRRRRR)

I guess i was offended by the cruelty. That it was me in the pic was worse....but i think i would have been equally pissed off to hear him comment on a total stranger in the way he did. I dont know if I "should" feel offended, but I do. And I cant seem to shake it loose. And to be honest, I dont think I want to be with someone who can be that cruel to another human being. And the other thought in my head is, if you wouldnt have dated me when i was obese but had all of my characteristics that you enjoy now, WHY should i let you enjoy those characteristic now just because of how I look?

Am I making any sense? I am kind of repulsed by him now! Should I work to get over it and see where this goes, or cut him now? It was really the only thing he has done that has made me think he is a jerk. Other than that he has been totally nice. But this was so huge! ugh. Am i being too sensitive?

Cut....better to find out now that he's a jerk. Don't let him anywhere near your kids again...who knows what he'll say.

6-7-13 band removed. No revision. Facebook Failed Lapbands and Realize Bands group and WLS-Support for Regain and Revision Group

sam1am
on 7/31/12 2:38 am

VSG on 09/08/09

Everything has already been said, agreeing that you should cut him loose and I agree! There is no hung jury here as everyone agrees!

You deserve better, go after it!

Sandy
                "The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody  else up"
                              Mark Twain          Animation One

TXKashmir
on 7/31/12 3:25 am - Grand Prairie, TX

RNY on 11/22/08

I just wanted to add my agreement to what everyone else here has said. The comments he made about you are awful enough, but what he said about your kids makes me worry that he could really end up saying some very harmful things to them as time goes by. Do yourself (and your famiily) a favor, and give this jerk his walking papers. It may or may not teach him a lesson, but, either way, he will no longer be your problem.

Debbie
Keeping track of my progress without a scale...Starting size: 28-Current size: 6-Goal size: 14

SAND...it's not a club...it's a frame of mind...

INgirl
on 7/31/12 3:49 am

VSG on 04/11/11

Unanimous, walk away and never give him another moments thought. He's an ass and that never changes.

Offended but justified?

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Offended but justified?