Visit with my PCP, and a family emergency.

Well, the up side is, I don't think I'm bound for "bat wing" problems. At least not on my upper limbs.

Also, My long time goal is to fly. In fact it was a MAJOR, MAJOR factor in my decision to have surgery, like one of the top 2 or 3 reasons.

I mean, imagine never getting to spend any time with people in your family or see your baby nephews grow up because they all live eleventybillion miles away from each other. It has been maddening.

You did right by declining.  You need to care for yourself right now.

Look at it this way Scribbler, it's not your job to handle everyone else's problems.  You need to take care of yourself first.  It's great to be able to help out when needed, but it's not fair for anyone to put the burden on your shoulders.  What makes them entitled to do that? Please don't feel any guilt in thinking of your needs first.

You've got this Girl !

I'm crisis counseling by phone. That's the best I can do. And write some nice letters, I suppose. I mean, sure I could go down there and arrange a memorial service but why? Anyone else is capable of that and they know it, they don't need my hand in it to make it "special".

I would be there if I could. In a heartbeat. And in the future, I will probably think nothing of hopping on a plane. I'm just not there QUITE yet!

I think it shows great strength that you set boundaries and told them "no".   Besides, you are barely 3 weeks out of surgery!  You probably aren't even cleared to lift anything over 10 lbs.  Can you imagine trying to carry a bag and lug it into an overhead bin or pull it through the terminal?  No way, dude 

Oh gosh, I wasn't even THINKING about the bags! And no, I'm not cleared to lift anything. I can't even do aerobics or a real walk yet. I can't fit in an airplane. Yeah, that's in "no way" territory. I agreed to be on call to help if I'm needed, but 1 day after we got the bad news, everybody's functioning and doing what they need to do. I was worried because there were the usual hysterics at first. They will be fine.

Just 2 weeks out, heck no, you're not going anywhere!!!  This is your time to take care of YOU! Coming to their rescue would reinforce old patterns you are now trying to change. My guess is if you went out there you wouldn't be eating healthy either. They can get along without you!! You can be available via phone to offer support that way.

Take care of you and don't feel guilty for doing so.

I know how tempting it can be to deal with a family emergency, especially when you are a giver. I just had a friend remind me today, that this needs to be "me" time (I have surgery in 5 days), and that all quasi-crises in other people's lives will have to be handled by others temporarily. She assured me that everything will turn out just fine, and that, inevitably, someone else will help the person pick up the pieces. Soooo...I'm extending her pearls of wisdom on to you. Take time for yourself for once, and know that you can resume taking care of others once you heal and get healthier.

Consider me the "Permission Fairy"!  And the Permission Fairy says that you just had surgery and that you need to stay home and take care of yourself!!