My Secret Wish

For many years I've been harboring a secret ... the wish to have biological children of my own despite being overaged.

I've had to struggle very hard to rise up economically from literally nothing ... and I missed out on a lot of chances to date n mate especially my intellectual and economic peers . Feeling grossly overweight and unattractive didn't help.

Now Im out of " age range" .

Yeah 29 year olds want to date m but I'm a generation older and cant forget their Mum's struggles with these lazy entitled often ( seriously ) murderous tv game playing basement-dwellers .

I preserved my eggs but need 2 use them soon.

Cant talk about this secret yearning for a baby or even two with ANYONE ... my family would LITERALLY consider me crazy .

I DID take in and foster two illegally dumped over the border tiny babies a few years ago . They were SO beautiful , cuddly, eager to learn and play ... and after a few years their parents came and they were united . My heart broke .

Am I crazy to think that at my age ... with loose skin, bad habits , set in my ways I can mebbe find a mate and have a family ?

Can anyone relate ? Im surely not the only person here who put off " normal " life milestones because they felt unattractive ....unloved ...financially not ready ... isolated

Since being back in Manhattan ( well, greater NYC ) Ive been slowly connecting with my actor/bartender/ chef friends ... who are a hard- partying crowd .

I was kind of afraid Id get caught up in that but no ... I guess all these years later my priorities are in a different place .

Gardening ( especially w sweet lil companions , the furry or the children kind ) , sailing , a clean safe home , creative well paid career and finally the world travel Ive always dreamed of are my NOW priorities .

You're absolutely not crazy, many of us have delayed those milestones for similar reasons, and it's never too late to build the loving family and future you've always wanted.

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