Paying it forward.....or not?

You have gotten a ton of really good advice on here.  I did want to add something for those who may be reading this and wondering because I know I sure was not too long ago. 

It varies state to state but I was able to buy protein with my food stamps.  I didn't buy too much but I wanted to make sure I could.  It has to state "nutrition facts" on the back NOT "supplement facts".  I've also heard that not all stores will sell it under food stamps.  For those who may be interested and live in NJ, I was able to buy EAS at Pathmark in NJ.  On the 2nd I'll be seeing what other brands I can grab.

Unfortunately although most HMO's that are associated with Medicaid will pay for the surgery they will not pay for supplements.  I personally believe this needs to be changed whether that change is to cover supplements or to make the approval process different.  They are allowing people to have a major surgery and them leaving them high and dry as far as living with such a major life decision.  It's like covering burn care without the ointment.  I have heard from people in a parenting group I once attended that friends and family have gotten sick from lack of supplements and education and upon some research they were approved for various WLS through Medicaid.  If medicaid is going to extend this benefit they need to be responsible for it also.  When I worked for Foxtons I would of been able to have the surgery covered and because of my income been able to afford supplements, a welfare recipient doesn't have that same luxury.  As of July 1st all Medicaids will have an associated HMO (in NJ at least) so this means WLS will be available to more people. 

Anyway just some info I've picked up.  If you have more please let me know.  I know of a few people who this kind of information benefits GREATLY!

Julie - I don't have any words of advice for you - I already have found myself in your situation several times over the years with people a little further down the DS evolutionary path, when people who approach me about helping them with insurance issues become - um - difficult, and I wonder if they have the "chops" as someone said to handle a DS.  I have decided to not be a judge of whom I should help, although I almost always will insist on them helping themselves by writing their appeals themselves.  My personal long term responsibilities in those cases are limited, since the area where I live is chock full of DSers.

However - IF you decide to take on what will likely be a long term project, you need to consider that the first thing you are going to do is to send her here.  And you don't post under a pseudonym.  So, as soon as you have the answers you need from this thread, I strongly suggest that you consider asking the mods to delete this thread, or her feelings are likely to be very hurt by reading this - and you know that she will seek out your posts in particular to read.

It is easy for me to see this when it is someone else - but I sometimes wonder if my own sister, whom I have tried to convince to get the DS but insists that she is not interested, has come here and read my occasional posts about my frustrations with her lack of interest, and has backed away because of that.  It would kill me to find out that was the case.  Do as I say, not as I do.

 Excellent advice, Diana.  I was thinking of having her over for a cup of coffee, and telling her about my experience with my surgery,showing her  this site, Grand Health Partners and the DS Facts site.  Before I have her for a visit, I'll make sure this thread is deleted.    I also thought it wouldn't be a bad idea, to show her what I take in vitamins every day, so that she has a true visual experience of just how many supplements she may have to commit to taking.  

2 other little thoughts...

1. when someone has a combination of problems, it's often difficult to sort out how those problems interact and what underlying problem may be causing secondary effects that make it more difficult to deal with the underlying problem. Which is a long way of saying that her weight may be contributing to her economic woes, her apparent lack of care of her grubby children, maybe even her level of mental sharpness or lack thereof. It can certainly be a factor in depression, and improving the weight can improve depression for sure. And depression can worsen financial problems, and child rearing problems, and dull affect, etc etc...
    
2. an experienced bariatric surgeon can usually suss out the patients who will not handle wls well even if they pass a psych eval. Dr. K, I would guess, is such a surgeon. So this is another layer of safety if she sees a legit surgeon, for whatever operation.

Bottom line, she does want to know what worked for you, and I can't see any reason for you not to tell her what worked for you, along with the usual warnings about vitamins, protein, expenses, and so forth. Send her here, send her to dsfacts.com, let her gain knowledge from as many good sources as possible. The final decision rests with her, and she may have more potential than you can see in her present state.

Larra

PS and I agree with Diana, at some point, if she does have computer access, see if you can get this thread deleted.

 Absolutely on both counts.    Dr. K appears to be quite selective as to who he recommends the DS to.    Considering he is very committed to the effectiveness of the DS, and states that he is the only surgeon at GHP that actually "lets" the patient choose his/her surgery, I know that when a potential pre-op tells me that he's recommended they have the VSG, that he probably has a fairly compelling reason as to why he is doing so.   

Well I'm a little late chiming in here, but I just had to add my 2¢ as I am living proof of just how selective Dr. K is!  Not only Dr. K, but Scott, too.

I read through every post, considering everyone's opinion, and they're all very good - but it reminds me of a conversation I had with a new friend (the M.A.D.D. advocate) Stephanie.  I knew that weight was a problem for her, but never considered suggesting the DS to her until she and I started talking more and she mentioned that she has Type II Diabetes.  I prefaced the conversation with, "I wouldn't suggest this to you if I didn't feel like you could handle it intellectually and be a self-advocate".

I think that I am the worst case scenario of obstacles standing in the way of this surgery - but I like the stance you're taking with it now.  Literally, overwhelm her with information, make sure she knows it's not a quick fix - the vitamins will certainly help.  To my benefit, I have an annual contract that sometimes behaves like a windfall at which point I will be pre-ordering a hefty supply of vitamins and supplements.

You're such a good, caring advocate!  No wonder I asked you more than 3 years ago to be my angel!  I don't know if my opinion helps too much, though I will tell you the only Medicaid GHP takes is Priority Health and if she's not already on that, it's going to take her a while to switch (I think open enrollment is in May) so that should give her ample time to really, really drink it all in!

You're the best,
Sherry

 Thanks for your confidence in my muddling methods, Sher, LOL
Any word from Nettie?

Hey hottie,

If it was me I would get super real with her about it. Maybe recommend the sleeve until she is sure she can babysit a DS well. Babysitting a DS is super hard. 

=]

nkwagala.

o that means i love you. =]

Julie,
You are the sweetest thing to worry yourself into such a tizzy about this.
First thought off the top of my head (and I know it's easy for me - I'm not there facing this girl and a possible "relationship" with her) is to provide her with the links to the facts.  If she has the gumption to follow through and research on her own, then maybe she has more going on in there than you think.   You can't just wish for and order up a DS. It takes some doing to get it done.   And if she does get one, we can hope that if she loses some weight and regains a little self esteem that she will begin to better care for herself and her children.  You might be saving a whole family.
Bless you Julie!

My short response is: NO DS PERIOD. She doesn't have the wherewithal to handle it.

Don't go there. Don't be any kind of mom to her. And if I were in your shoes, I would consider contacting my surgeon. Thing is, he's a smart guy and can no doubt see very quickly what her chances are. If she could lose SOME weight with a sleeve, that would be better than nothing.

Medicaid covers none of that stuff in NJ, dunno how it is where you are. I believe protein powder might be payable with SNAP, but not sure.