in SOOOO much pain! How much do we have to endure?

I CANT take this pain ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Why is there nothing out there that can truly help us?! I am on SO much pain medicine a day, & that combined with my pain level,  that its effecting my memory, the way that I treat my family, the way I feel about my life. I just want some relief. As do we all. One therory about my high pain level from my pain Dr was this..."you have been on opiats (sp?) for so long that you are experienciing a certain type of side effect (dont remember the name) that actually makes a person experience more pain than before." OK, that makes sense, it REALLY does, but before I go completely clean (from pain meds) I want to finish trying them all (I have 2 more to go.) My next step is the Fentanyl Patch. But I cant try it until the 19th, atleast. GOD....I cant take this pain anymore!!!! Why do wehave to go through this pain? Oh well, I guess enough venting for now. Good luck to us all,  Sincerely,  Angelic

I am so glad you posted your vent!  I really am.  I am glad that I am not alone.  Well I am not glad that you are suffereing too, but it is good to know that I am not alone in this.  Sometimes I begin to think I am loosing my mind.  I really think I am crazy from time to time, or just a big whimp.  I start to wonder if I am really just imagining all of this pain.  Then I snap out of it and feel the tears fall.  This has been a particularly rough flare up for me.  I had never been a weak person before.  I am a tough gal.  I would never be the type to cry out of pain.  But damn the last week has been hell!  I know exactly what you mean about you memory and how you treat your family.  Heck I don't even want to leave the house because I am just in so much pain that I am a total and complete ***** (pardon the language) and I really don't even mean to be.  I am snappy with EVERYONE.  I am just being totally nasty.  My Drs won't send me to a Pain Clinic even though I BEG.  They just started me on Neurontin, effexor, and soma.  I have Military Drs so they are REALLY stingy with the pain meds too. He told me the effexor is for the pain....LOL Luckily with this flare they gave me percocet, but only a little bit, so I have to ration it out to myself.  I was seriuosly getting so desperate that I was gonna try to buy vicodin on the internet....I heard you can do that, I am not even sure if it is true or not.   I have lurked on this board for a while but it was so dead that I didn't post.  Angelic, your post really did touch me.  Thank you so much for sharing and making me feel a little more normal.  If you ever want to chat feel free to PM me.    

Dearest PrincessGina,  Thank you for your kind reply! It was really one of the sweetest ones yet. Just to know that I am not alone in my 'going crazy & going off on my family', really makes me feel better. I feel so bad for them, dont you? I know its not fair to them, but when I am in SO much pain, I harp on them that if they could only live in my body for one day, then maybe, jusy maybe, they would be alittle more sympethetic! My memory is SHOT all to hell in the worst way. It is so embarrassing, isnt it? And the pain, OH the pain! I am sorry for you that you cant get anything stronger to get you by. Just alittle note, you CAN get vicodin online, I have been there many times (just checking into it, but I do know that its out there.) I looked at your profile, you have a beautiful family! What was the occassion? Anyways, it was nice to get your reply, like I said, & you can PM me any time you feel like it too! Our pain IS NOT in our heads, it IS real! I just wish that more people understood this condition, & I wish there were meds out there that REALLy helped us! I am tired of being grumpy & hurting my family relationships & crying from my pain! Good luck to us both, especially you my dear! Angelic

Yes, I totally hate it when I am snappy at my children for no good reason.  I really feel bad about it.  I try to expain it over and over during the few moments when I actually feel good.  I tell them how sorry I am and how much I don't  mean to be that way, it is just the pain that makes me grumpy and nasty, but I still feel horrible.  My Mother also had fibromyalgia and Lupus.  I remember resenting her so much because I didn't think anything was wrong with her.  I though she was faking it.  I thought she was lazy and addicted to pain medicine.  I was a very angry teenager.  It was also back when fibro wasn't really known about, so I really didn't believe her.  Now that I am grown and I have the same thing, I call her ever day and tell her how sorry I am for being such a rotton child when she needed support the most (she was a single parent).  I really don't want my kids to feel like I did, so I try to explain my condition to them, I try to show them articles and websites about fibro.  They are pretty understanding.  And when I feel good I try to dedicate all my time to them.  My husband has been great too.  I do feel like I am cheating my family though, and the guilt should go on the fibro symptom list!!!!! You have a beautiful family too Angelic!  The pics in my profile were from a birthday party we had for my Neice, she wanted a "prom" theme....LOL

I am never sure where I am suppose to hit the "reply" button........on the first message or the last......if anyone out there can help me on that..... It is so sad hearing you two talk back and forth and yet it is so enlightening too!!  I have been "diagnosed" with fibro for about 8 years I guess but have had it longer.  It came to a head after my dad passed away I think.  I often wonder if I really hurt as bad as I think I do and atter reading these posts, I think I might really!!  HA.  My issue is that I (most of the time) can endure the pain, it is the memory issue that I struggle the most with.  I have had to give up my pain meds except in the worst of times or when we go to granddaughter's ballgames, etc because I can't remember anything at work.  I haven't really heard you ladies mention it so I will venture this..... have you heard the term "fibrofog"?  Isn't that such an appropriate word?  I'd like to say it is from the pain meds and yes, I can tell some difference, but I don't know if the fog is still there just from the disease itself or if I have fried my brain with all the past pain meds.  There are times I can hardly get up from my desk and yet the people I work the closest with DO NOT GET IT.  How can they not get it?  Do they think I really enjoy hobbling from one place to another bent in half?  How can they not get it?  I am lucky that I have a husband who seems to pretty much get it.  And the nastiness rings a bell too.  I am nasty when I get sick and tired of hurting and being so pooped all the time.  No energy...sleeping pills to sleep.  No pills, no sleep for me.  Again, probably affects my memory but so does not sleeping, huh?   Well I guess I've cried on your shoulders enough.  I did wonder when reading your posts if it would just help to cry sometimes about it.  I don't cry about it directly.   Does anyone have anything they do that eases the pain a bit?  I know a hot bath with a cup of tea helps me out.  I had cable put in the bathroom and soak and soak.  Anyone else have any ideas? 

Hi Jeannie! You hit the 'reply' button just fine!  The word 'fybrofog' seems to be a perfect wod for us, doesnt it? Its pretty sad, this condition that we have to endure with for the rest of our lives. Its heartbreaking really. I know it breaks my heart! My kids are the same about not getting it as your co workers are with you. How can they NOT care?! It blows me away as well as ****** me OFF! All I do is take care of their every need, love them as much as I can, & yet, when I need help with something because my pain is just too overwhelming, they act like itis a pain in the ass (sorry to be so blunt!( I know for a fact that my brain fog IS due to the meds, but i CNt give them up! I cant live with this pain without help! I done the phsyical therapy, didnt do s**t, have done the pyhcotherapy, yeah, that did alot of good! What isthere for people like us?! There are pills for EVERYTHING! And I am sorry, but Lyrica just doesnt cut it for me! And I am on 600mg a day! I know, all I have done is B**tch here, & I am sorry, but I am just so tired, as are we all, right! I hope we can soon find some sort of peace. I havemy next Dr appt on the 19, & will be talking about going on the Fentynal Patch (sp?), and hopefully she will also keep me on the Norco. I will keep you all updated with how that all pans out! Much luck ladies! XOXO... angelic

Hi, Thank you all for sharing so much of yourselves.  I too have FMS along w/ Lupus/RA (pick one because the DR don't know)! Do you sometimes feel like the person you once were is totally gone? I do, my life has done a complete 180.  There are no consistent days, some days OK (OK meaning I can get out of bed) and some days not. But I have a questions...  There has been a lot of research lately about sleep deprivation and how it contributes to joint pain and over eating. I haven't had a good night's sleep in 40 years!    This is a chicken and egg question, did the joint/body pain cause the sd or the other way. I've just started using a cpap (i night now) so I'm not sure if it will help. What has been your experience? Thanks, it helps that y'all are out there. Susan