OT: Am I being selfish or being used?

I get no vacation during the year when the weather is nice.  I take my vacation the week before Christmas and the week after.  The week after is given to us by my employer.  During that time I use it to spend with my husband, whom also takes no vacation when the weather is nice and also to go visit relatives that we don't see much of during the year.  My sister comes to visit from out of state and it's a tradition that we take all the kids iceskating.  In short, we enjoy our time off and try to fit many things in during that week after Christmas. So, on to my feelings right at the moment.  My oldest sister has custody of her granddaughter, same child, who some of you might remember, I cared for over the summer for 2 1/2 months while my sister had surgery.  I never minded caring for her, but I'll admit it was hard going from pre-teen back to toddler stage.   I find out Thanksgiving day that the sitter my great niece goes to wants the week between Christmas and New Years off...my sister wants me to babysit.  I'm feeling selfish because this is my time, it's my time to unwind from the hectic year I always have.  This year alone we've covered for disabilities, tackled major projects at work and to be honest, there are times when I feel like I could explode...I need this time for "me".  Yet, I don't think she's understanding this at all and it is expected of us to babysit while we're on vacation. I know that when she confronts me about  it (as yet she's only told my mother she wants us to babysit), there is going to be hard feelings.  My children have a sitter who this child has been to before and I said that she needs to call her, maybe she'd be able to watch her.  There are teens out there that probably would love to make some extra cash.  What about the childs mother??  She doesn't do anything else for her, why can't she take the day and come to take care of her own child? I'm very frustrated right now and there are so many emotions attached to this daycare request.  I could list many....the one fact that is that my sister expects us to do this without any care that this infringes on our life and plans.  If I said to her that I needed a sitter for a week while she was on vacation you bet she'd tell me NO WAY.  In fact, she's never cared for my kids, ever.  The favors are never returned and I did her a HUGE favor this summer by caring for this child without complaining once, but that is never taken into consideration. I'm sorry, I'm venting....so am I a bad person because I don't want to be tied down for my entire vacation? Thanks for listening.

No you're not being a bad person.  I understand.   My husband farms and the only time we can ever take a vacation is in the winter.  Add to that the fact that I teach at a junior college and our vacation time is limited to say the least.  I would feel the same way if someone wanted to impose and one of the few times we can have off together.  If you can, you need to tell your sister what you told us (with a dash of diplomacy of course).  You deserve and need your time off.   Sandy

What would she do if you had plans to go out of town?  I don't think you're being selfish, this is your time and its not like you always tell her no, your just telling her not this time you have other plans.  If she wants to get upset about it so be it, but she should really understand where you are coming from.

no you are not being selfish at all.   Family members tend to take advantage of other family members.   My oldest daughter lives across the street from us and she seems to think because we are hubby retired and me disabled that we should get the kids off to school in the mornings and watch them till she and sil get off in the evenings.   I seem to have to plan my days around 8 and 3pm  it stinks.    I know it saves her money on child care for 4 kids but heck we raised our kids and its time for us to enjoy without having to play mommy and daddy again. So no you are not selfish  I would just tell her no

I've learned that the ability to say 'no' is critical to our weight loss success.  You have to take care of yourself, and you have earned the right to have your own vacation.  No guilt!  This is not YOUR problem, it is her problem.  It is so important to keep issues where they belong. Do you know the story of the Monkey on your back?  Well she is carrying a monkey on her back, and by asking you (expecting you that is) to babysit she is handing the monkey off to you.  You don't have to accept that burden. Please just say no, and take care of YOU this time!!!  Hugs!

Hi Karen - no don't feel bad - just make up a good excuse - tell her you have plans everyday during your vacation... or lie and say you are planning on going out of town - then at the last minute - it can fall through... if she does in fact find out you didn't go - you just decided to stay home at the last minute - or make up some excuse about diving into some big home improvement project - blame it on your husband - say he has made all these plans and would kill you if you had to change them - sometimes a little white lie helps save feelings ... and gets you what you want.  it isn't worth fighting over - some people are just givers... and some are takers... it sounds like your sister is a taker - and she will be back again when she needs something else.  Or if  you are really feeling too guilty - offer to take her one day during that time - say gee, I wish I could help out more - but we are swamped with plans over the break... but I do love her and would love to have her on this day... satisfies your guilty feeling - and may satisfy your sister too.  And - enjoy your time off...  you certainly deserve it - I am pretty selfish with my time off... being a working mom - we don't get a whole lot of time to just be... I have been off 3 days for Thanksgiving and I have loved it - and I have been very selfish - haven't wanted to see anyone else - or go anywhere - just enjoyed being home!  Hang in there - holidays always seem to bring out the worst in our families!  Anne

You are not being selfish....please tell her no or offer her alternative plans...such as another sitter she can use.  It is your time, and she is wanting to take advantage of you.  Karen, you look like the sweetest person in the world, and I would bet you go out of your way for others all the time.  Its time to take care of Karen, and thats healthy for you.  Please say no to her...be strong!!

I agree with the other posters.  This is YOUR time.  You have offered up other plausible solutions to HER problem.  Leave it alone, and enjoy the little time you do have for yourself.  Do only what you want to do.  You need time for yourself.  Isn't that is why it is called a vacation.   If your sister doesn't understand, that will be her problem, not yours.  You went above what was expected by watching the grand niece during the summer.   Why does she expect you to change your plans to fit her needs?  When in fact, she wouldn't reciprocate the offer.  Tit for tat is my motto. 

THe problem is we are alwys putting ourselves second. Maybe of we had spoken up for us and NOT CLEANED OUR PLATES or NOT HEADED FOR THE FRIDGE when we were upset, we would not even look at this as selfish. I say do NOT make up an excuse as you are not doing anything wrong. Her expectations are unreasonable. It is not your fault she has a deadbeat daughter or son *****fuses their own responsibilities.   Here is my suggestion: First, do not even let her get the information to you round about.  If she does ask, simply tell her that you are not available but that you rae sure she will be able to work sonething out and move on to another subject. To not get emeshed in trying to help her figure it out. Then go on as if all she had asked was if you had any flour to borrow. It is no different and you cannot dwell on her reaction to you taking care of yourself.