Back to where I started

BandMeUp
on 9/6/11 8:48 am - PA
 I had my lapband placed in February, and already I am back at my starting weight. I feel completely hopeless. To be overweight all my life and go through surgery only to be where I started is killing me. Im better off dead than fat. My emotions prevent me from doing what I need to do, and stress adds to that. All I have is excuses. All I have is alcohol and food. I know alot of us know how the thought of dying is better than being fat, Im constantly thinking that. Everyday I tell myself tomorrow I will get on track. Tomorrow never comes. Im so lost and my emotions have completely lost control. I only hope that I am not the only one who has ever felt this way. I hope I can get back on track. This forum is the only way I can express those feelings, I could never talk to anyone else about this failure and these horrible thoughts. I dont know what to do at this point bc Im only 25 years old, but I feel like Im a 100 years old from this stress on my heart.....
Cant wait to meet the "New Me"  
Highest Weight  : 274lbs
Weight At Surgery: 264lbs
                                                                            
        

           
kathkeb
on 9/6/11 8:55 am
www.oa.org and www.therecoverygroup.org are both wonderful resources

It sounds like you need some therapy ---- please seek professional help.
Kath

  
Born Lucky
on 9/6/11 9:57 am
 Therapy is probably a good idea.  But, the best we can hope for with therapy is a change in how we think, right?  There are some tricks I've used to help me change my thought patterns, and maybe you can try some of these until you get some professional advice:

*  Make a list of everything you are grateful for in your life.  List experiences, people, nature, or anything else you can think of that you are glad that exists.
*  Make a list of "me" words that are who you want to be:  "lucky", "happy", "productive", "thin", "healthy", "smart", "efficient", "friendly", etc.  Look for opportunities to tell yourself, "I'm lucky because..."   "I'm happy because..."  I'm getting thinner because...."
*  Fake it.  If you don't believe you are any of the things listed, then just fake it until you believe it.

Every day, review your list and add something when you can.  I truly believe that what we achieve in our lives is what we believe.  You have to believe in *yourself*.

Tami
 273/150/158
"All things are possible when you find and believe in your own personal strength."
Formerly "TamiFromAL"; 4cc band, unfilled
Hislady
on 9/6/11 2:58 pm - Vancouver, WA
Hon you first of all you need to start loving yourself because we all deserve that! Don't blame yourself for the band not working because it hasn't worked for a vast majority of us! I only wish you would have been able to get a surgery that actually works. Is weight loss surgery covered by your insurance? If so maybe you could revise to a surgery that actually works like the sleeve, RNY or DS. I'm in the same boat you are hon I never lost but 20 lbs and that was a battle. I never felt restriction and then I was so tight I couldn't eat right. I finally had mine emptied and am just doing the old fashioned dieting and it doesn't do much either. I've learned to just be happy where I am but I'm 60 years old so it's not as big a deal to me as I'm sure it is to you. I would also suggest some counceling to learn to deal with issues without having to turn to food. I have  daughter about your age and she has always had  a good healthy self esteem even tho she weighs as much as I do but I raised her to love herself the way she is not the way everybody else seems to think she should be. She's had an exciting and amazing life even being obese. She's gotten married and has 2 children so don't give up, you can have just as exciting a life as she does. Trust nme life IS worth living!
MARIA F.
on 9/6/11 4:41 pm - Athens, GA

Please get some help!!! We all know what a terrible feeling it is to be morbidly obese and all you have to deal with as a result. Also many of us here know what it is like to not get any weight loss as a result of the band.

That being said...........you are young and you have your whole life ahead of you. IT WILL GET BETTER! Do what you need to do to start making it better. Start by getting in counceling........NOW! If you can't get an apt right now, walk into the office or go to the ER. It will take time, but there are people there that can help you. Let them! Do what you need to get yourself healthy, both emotionally and physically.

Now as far as the alcohol.........I am not sure how much you are drinking, if you are doing some serious drinking...........GET HELP! That is something that can ruin your life even more than being overweight. Now if your drinking, but not that heavily, remember most alcohol has a lot of calories. Just empty calories. Try drinking mostly water or water with additives (Crystal Light, HI Punch sf). If you do drink a lot of calories you want it to be from a protein shake,  or occasionally smoothie or some juice.

Good luc****ep us updated!!!

 

   FormerlyFluffy.com

 

carol468
on 9/7/11 12:38 am
I'm so sorry you are suffering.  I've battled depression for 15 years and I don't know what I would do if I didn't have medication to help with it, plus I have alot of support from my family,  I had my lapband placed on February 16th and I have lost some weight, but it hasn't been easy....I think you may need counseling.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers.  Just don't give up there is so much to live for..
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