WARNING: Poop Chronicles!

Chances are...it is me! LOL 

I refuse to touch the floor in my bare feet so I put my feet on top of my shoes so I can wiggle my toes! Yes, I am strange! LOL 

Coffee? I am scared of coffee. I still have not mastered the cream/sugar ratio so that won't feel guilty about all the sugar and I have yet to try the SF syrups because I am afraid they will be gross.

I finally got some SF Koolaid and actually love the stuff. I am slowing coming along. Baby steps.

Soon, I will at least be able to wear flip flops in the stall! LOL 

Sounds pretty typical to me.

I prefer the fluffies over the well-formed stuff.  Easy to pass, and looks totally awesome!  hehe

i've been constipated for most of my life, so just the fact that i can freakin GO is awesome to me. It IS such a relief!!! it's like "ahhhhhhh..... oooh no what's that smell??" *lol*
actually the smell has gotten a lot better, i think. i mean you sorta get used to it, but some days i think i go and i detect NO smell. *shrug*
i don't tend to eat a lot of fat though, so all my poos are pretty long and fluffy...no oil slicks.

I had my parents rolling on the floor and laughing the other day (my mom's also had the ds) and i was telling them this story about how i went at work and i looked and i was like OH MY G!!! that is the LONGEST TURD i have EVER SEEN! and i SOooo wanted to show someone! but who could i show at WORK??? (and let me tell you my husband would NEVER even if someone paid him a million dollars, look at my turds *lmao*)
but anyway, i flushed, and watch that thing uncoil until i thought i'd have to flush again to get it all down.
it was amazing *lmao*!!!

heheeh poop's funny!! hehehe

Elle,
We can be the poop queens!  Yep, I check all of them.  Amount, size, categories:  little finger size, intestine size, pudding poo clean out, airy (but still weighs a ton - if you are catching for stool samples), forgot color - I'm now back at the darker brown, for almost a year, I thought I be that baby tanish poos.  yep, I rate the oil slicks too... did I really eat that much oil yesterday... must have been the tuna & mayo! The chia seeds helped to curb the diarrhea and then went from little pieces to fingers to tubes....  still having 5-7a day even with the Dicyclomine.  But, it's also making me swell up with lots of water weight gain with them.  Will see what a couple of days off them do.  I was lucky only 1 hard BM in 13mo... too many pain pills and no fat.... boy did I increase the fat and you've just gotta love your DS when the fat takes over.    a couple of quick runs and relief!

Chris,

I am with you there! Wow, you poop that much? I used to, but now since Iron rules my life, I have only pooped on average about 2 to 3 times a day and unless I do some serious lubing, they are firmer than normal, still no constipation though.

Elle,
this was in my email this morning...  it just fits!

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we are in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There have been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.

Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:

''Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now?  Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?''

At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity.

Cade continued: ''Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh...Mommy! I'm trying to see In dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!''

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her?  Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, ''Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!''

''No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies...Oh! Mommy!''

He started to gag at this point.

''Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!''

As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall.. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the
subject.  I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets.  If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

''Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!''

He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door.  ''Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at? Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?''

More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation.  

''Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy.'' He started pounding on the door.  ''Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!''

I saw that my wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.

My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy? But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three She lives with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses public restrooms)

Now, is everyone laughing?