Telling People

Today I am telling my brother and SIL about my future WLS.  I have not told many people...infact only my husband, his mom and my aunt know.  I didn't want to tell people for so many reasons...what if I change my mind...what if I don't get the go ahead...what if the surgeon says no...what if...what if...what if.  But at my last appointment with the social worker she was really taken back by the fact that I hadn't and really didn't plan on telling many people.  After lots of thinking I understand that it is important to tell people who are close to you.  I may need their support.  So if you're wondering why not my parents, well that's easy.  My Mom can't keep a secret to save her life and she would be drilling me daily.  So she will wait.  My Dad, well I want to tell him but he can be judgemental sometimes and worries a lot....so I have a hard time with telling him.  That being said I think he will be the next person I tell.

Well, it's almost noon (which is when they are coming) so I better get ready.  Wish me luck!

Good luck Sunnydaz.
I have told lots of people at this point and I have been surprised--really pleasantly surprised at the positive reactions and support I received. That said we all find our own way on this journey and only you can decide who gets to know. Sending good thoughts to your meeting with bro.

good luck... it's never easy telling ppl about "your" decision on WLS.  For me I told anyone and everyone who would listen. I wanted ppl to know that I was going to make a change for the better. I have gotten some comments that I did not like but I moved on and let them come to me. My SIL is one of them. She is now asking questions left and right. She wants to know everything as I think I got her little head spinning. (She is over weight and had a lot of medical issues)  Will be interesting to see is she even decides to do it.   Keep us posted on how it goes.  rember your doing this for you.

My social worker was surprised as well now that you mention it but I talked it out with her and she understood my rationale. It is all depends on your needs for support I think.

I was most afraid to tell my hubby. But once I scraped up the courage to tell him, I found it easier to tell others.

I had a friend who had the same issues with her parents, when she finally told them (one month before surgery) she told them like this.

"Mom  - Dad", you know i've been struggling with my weight for years, this didn't work, that didn't work. I've tried everything I can. I'm afraid for my health now and there is one more thing I want to try and it's WLS. " Tell them you've been to all the appointments and talked with a social worker, dietician etc. If they interrupt you, tell them you need them to listen first and ask questions later.

And it's for your health not theirs, acknowledge their fears but tell them it's not the same surgery that everyone seems to hear about, things have changed.

You do need their support for afterwards, it might not be as hard as you think, but again, it's for you and if you tell them you are going to do it with or without their support they will likely come around.

I hope it goes well foryou.

good luck with your brother, let us know how it goes.

J

I didn't tell many people and when I did, it wasn't like a big reveal or anything.  I can't even remember how I told my sister.  I think I just mentioned that I had an appt with the surgeon coming up to refer me for weight loss surgery.  I didn't know much at the time, and I don't think she asked many questions.  When I was approved for the surgery I just sort of talked about my upcoming surgery matter of factly.  I never told my sisters not to tell anyone, so if they did, that was okay with me.  But in reality the only people I actually told were my 2 sisters and my good friend, also my friend from work and my boss because I'd have to take time off.  Anyone else who found out did so because my sisters told them (my step dad, my aunt, cousin, close friends, etc)  I would talk about it with them if they asked me something, but never brought the topic up in conversation.

I still don't tell people who don't know about my surgery that I did actually have surgery.  If people ask my how I lost weight, I tell them that I reduced my portion sizes, cut down on carbs and exercise.  Sometimes I feel the need to tell people the "truth" like when my doctor's receptionist asked me.  I felt uncomfortable lying, but also felt uncomfortable telling her I had surgery, but I did tell her. 

It is true that you will need support, so it is good to tell people who will be there for you.  But you may find that others will not be so supportive, either because they disagree with the surgery or they are worried about you.  My aunt phoned me and begged me not to have surgery and my step-dad told my husband to not let me go through with it.  I know it was because they worried, but it didn't make me feel very happy that they did that as if I was making the decision without thoroughly thinking it through.

I didnt tell many people until after i had my surgery date booked. Actually, i had only told my children and a friend who had been advising and guiding me toward surgery. Once i had my date booked, i told my hubby, then my family, not in any formal way, but just the next time i saw each of them, i told them. Some didnt know until after i had the surgery. Support is good, but support from informed people who know what you've been through, and are going to go through, has been the most important support (to me, anyway). I'm not so secretive about it now, in fact, i'll tell anyone who asks  how i lost weight.

Good luck, i'm sure it will go better than you think.

 When I first started looking into WLS 2 years ago and really considering going into the US to have it done I told very few people. What stopped me from telling more was the negativity I got from one of my sisters. Her negativity was one of the reasons I "chickened out" back then. After still reading the OH Boards and hear and seeing the diappointment in those that were supporting me, especially my Dr and her Receptionist I thought Screw my sister. I went back to my Dr and she registered me for WLS here in Ontario. I'm telling everyone like Rachel is. When I do hear any negativity, which by the way is only my sister, I say to myself it's not them that's living in my shoes with my health issues and I want to live a longer healthier life. 
To make a long story short, keep telling yourself you're doing it for yourself not for them. I'm sure though you will be surprised who will support you. They will ask you questions and have concerns but just educate them like you educated yourself. You will know who you need and want to tell and those you won't.

All the Best
Heidi

I haven't told many people either. My parents know because they took care of me afterwards, my brother (because no way would my mother let me not tell him) and my grandmothers (same reason). That is it. I haven't told any of my friends at all. I just told them I had a really horrible ulcer and had to take some time off school to get better. I don't think they would be especially supportive. My family hasn't been. I need to be able to be myself around people and I don't want their perception of me to change.