OT- my niece...

I have a situation with my niece that my sister is struggling a GREAT deal with and I am not sure how to help her.

My niece has decided that she wants to cut her foods waaaayyyyy back and hardly eat anything. My sister ensures that they eat very healthy, almost no junk what so ever.
My niece is an extremely beautiful young lady! she's 5'9" and she weighs 129lbs, she just turned 15 a few weeks ago. She has told my sister that she has been made fun of for like 10 years, since school started :( She has always been the tallest kid in her class and most mature. She hates food. She "feels gross and fat after eating".
My sister is tall and very beautiful too, my niece's dad was "chunky" as a kid but as he got older he lost the chunkiness.
My sister has tried to get her into sports but she feels awkward. My sister has tried to get her to do yoga and pilates with her but she refuses. She had a knee injury and refuses to do those exercises too. She tells my sister she's gonna do it "her way" My sister has also taken her to nutritionists, and her doctor. My sister says nothing has helped and now it's getting worse :(
My niece has a boyfriend, very down to earth, goes to church with his parents, in a band with his brothers, very responsible young man, still in school. He encourages her to eat and doesn't like that she doesn't want to.

(my niece and I at her gr 8 grad last june)
http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/268808_209995715710280_100000995584037_575407_7395311_n.jpg

My sister is crying and it makes me want to cry. I want to help her but don't know what to do. This is turning into a serious situation!

I asked my sister if my weightloss has done something to affect my niece but she says no, this has been going on for a looong time and tonight was the first time she could talk to me about it because she didn't know how to approach me about it as I had these same issues as a teenager and had weight issues all my life. I have been on both sides of the scale.


Any thoughts???

It's too bad she couldn't come to one of my anorexia support group meetings to see what will happen if she doesn't eat properly, unfortunately that impossible because it is closed even to members of our families. You know I am an expert on how this feels Leanne, and Sean is an expert at what you are feeling, he's lived with it for 15 months almost.

I wish I could help more, I hope it doesn't get out of hand like my situation did, its a work in progress everyday.

XOXOXOXOX

I said to my sister. "I wonder how Dad dealt with me?" She said "I think he did his best but considering how I feel right now, I'm sure he had no clue"

I have also been on the lower end of the scale, I chose not to eat alot of food when I was 13/14, I ate "just enough".

You are right when you say "it's a work in progress everyday"

XOXO

 My girls just turned 16. I have one that is 5'9 and 123lbs and one that is 5'2 and 110lbs. They are beautiful amazing girls...however they also went through the I weigh to much and I need to diet. 
As hard as I tried I could not convince them that they were perfect. My taller girl took things a little far. The harder I fought her the less she ate.  It was terrifying and sooo frustrating.
Finally we sent her to see a councellor. Turns out she felt like a giraffe and just needed to control one thing in her life.
It is soo hard to watch your children do dangerous things. My best suggestion is find her someone to talk to. She sounds like she needs it (that is in no way a judgement). If these things are not nipped in the bud early it can get very very bad. 
I am sending good thoughts to your sister!

Thank you for your thoughts :)

I think she needs to talk to someone too but getting her there will be quite the job. She is a very strong willed young lady.

From what I know about this even showing her pictures of girls or women suffering from anorexia will do no good. She really needs to speak to someone who is a professional. My understanding is that this is about control, not really about the food. There may be other things going on that no one knows about.

I agree that showing her pics like that is not good.

I also agree that this is definitely a control thing.

When my 2 nieces lived with me I noticed the older one developing those same behaviours and I always blamed myself. I kept thinking I was setting a horrible example for both of them and that my niece was doing everything to avoid being like auntie. True or not I felt guilty.

After they moved out things got a bit better. Her eating is still terrible but at least she's eating. I think it was the stress of living with me and not her mom that did it. Thankfully it never went to an extreme.

Your niece needs professional help. Not a GP, not a nutritionist, she needs a therapist. The sooner she sees one the better off she'll be.

I completely agree that she needs to see someone. The problem is getting her there :(

I do have that "guilty" feeling. When she was born, I was out of the country, I didn't see her until she was 4. I was very big then and I gained alot of weight in the following years. She watched me get fatter. :(

Then I had my RNY (I would NEVER turn back time, I <3 my RNY) and she watched me drop my weight like crazy.

I don't want her to struggle like I did thru life. She is a strong willed young lady and once she gets something in her head (like my sister's and I), that's it....