Please advise a supporter!
Hi folks.
My wife is meeting with her surgeon in a few days and will begin Optifast in about a week. For those of you who are on the Loser's Bench, please think back to when you were on Optifast and immediately post-Op.
What did you most want from your spouse/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend? Any tips for me as I support my wife during this challenging period in her WLS journey?
After months of reading the boards, reading books, talking to folks who have had WLS AND talking to my wife, I think I have an idea of what will be most useful but I thought I would ask one more time.
Thanks so much for your help.
- Bin.
My wife is meeting with her surgeon in a few days and will begin Optifast in about a week. For those of you who are on the Loser's Bench, please think back to when you were on Optifast and immediately post-Op.
What did you most want from your spouse/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend? Any tips for me as I support my wife during this challenging period in her WLS journey?
After months of reading the boards, reading books, talking to folks who have had WLS AND talking to my wife, I think I have an idea of what will be most useful but I thought I would ask one more time.
Thanks so much for your help.
- Bin.
Referral: Dec 12, 2011 RNY Surgery: August 13, 2012
HW: 394 lbs SW: 334 lbs
First...I want to say that your wife is a lucky woman! I wish her and you the best of luck on this journey.
On Optifast I wanted most from my family to NOT bring home fast food. It's my weakness - especially McDonalds. After surgery it's not an issue - I dont crave it anymore.
After surgery I just wanted to be left alone for a while until I got my strength up - I was VERY tired when I got home post surgery.
My family was good with helping clean up - they rarely to never cleaned up after themselves before my surgery. Even today my dad cleans up his own stuff which is nice [since surgery my brother and his family moved out of my house so I dont have to tend to anyone else anymore].
On Optifast I wanted most from my family to NOT bring home fast food. It's my weakness - especially McDonalds. After surgery it's not an issue - I dont crave it anymore.
After surgery I just wanted to be left alone for a while until I got my strength up - I was VERY tired when I got home post surgery.
My family was good with helping clean up - they rarely to never cleaned up after themselves before my surgery. Even today my dad cleans up his own stuff which is nice [since surgery my brother and his family moved out of my house so I dont have to tend to anyone else anymore].
Be ready for the mood swings and don't take them personally. My son got the brunt of my carb 'detox'. Be there to encourage, but not be the food police. It is important for her to make her own choices and figure things out as she goes along. Optifast was tough for me while having to cook for someone else. Pitch in where you can and maybe avoid having/eating her favorites around..
You are a great husband for educating yourself and sticking by/supporting your wife.
Best of luck to both of you,
Kristie
You are a great husband for educating yourself and sticking by/supporting your wife.
Best of luck to both of you,
Kristie
"Don't trade what you want the most,
for what you want at the moment." 
I agree with not having tempting food in the house during the time she is on optifast. Try to make your own meals plain and not very inviting, because realistically when she is on optifast a pb&j sandwich will look delectable! And try to clear the house of anything that may tempt her to cheat. What are some of her favourite foods, snacks or desserts? Get rid of them all!
She may be grumpy and headachy for the first few days. Be understandable. Take your cues from her. She may need some baby-ing and maybe a backrub or a couple of extra hugs and words of support through the day. Or she may be the kind of person who wants to be grumpy in private and you trying to give her a hug when she just wants to be left alone may make matters worse.
Try to take her mind off of things. Take her out...to a movie, a walk, to see a sporting event, to visit friends, things that she would normally really like to do.
Help her to prepare her shakes. I didn't have to do optifast, I was on carnation instant breakfast. So I'm not completely sure how optifast works...do you mix it with milk or is it premade? With mind, I tried to mix the whole thing up in the morning and then divide it into 5 small water bottles to take with me and drink throughout the day. It was helpful when my husband would help with that, even though it wasn't a big deal to mix it myself, I felt like he wanted to be involved and that was nice. You can buy her fun and colourful containers to drink her shakes from!
Good luck. It will all be over before either of you know it.
She may be grumpy and headachy for the first few days. Be understandable. Take your cues from her. She may need some baby-ing and maybe a backrub or a couple of extra hugs and words of support through the day. Or she may be the kind of person who wants to be grumpy in private and you trying to give her a hug when she just wants to be left alone may make matters worse.
Try to take her mind off of things. Take her out...to a movie, a walk, to see a sporting event, to visit friends, things that she would normally really like to do.
Help her to prepare her shakes. I didn't have to do optifast, I was on carnation instant breakfast. So I'm not completely sure how optifast works...do you mix it with milk or is it premade? With mind, I tried to mix the whole thing up in the morning and then divide it into 5 small water bottles to take with me and drink throughout the day. It was helpful when my husband would help with that, even though it wasn't a big deal to mix it myself, I felt like he wanted to be involved and that was nice. You can buy her fun and colourful containers to drink her shakes from!
Good luck. It will all be over before either of you know it.
So happy for your wife, and you're a sweeheart for wanting to help.
I agree with what Kristie said, don't take those mood swings personally. Sometimes the best thing to do is to just leave her be. She'll likely know she's being irrational, but can't help it at the same time.
It would be an excellent idea to purge your kitchen/pantry of any and all unnecessary snack foods. Only healthy foods in the house. (that helps you too, i can't remember are you pre or post surgery?)
The scent of food cooking drove me crazy when I was on optifast. Be sensitive to that, ask her if it bothers her, and be sure to let her know she can be perfectly honest with her (some of us overweight women are "pleasers", and would say things don't bother us, even tho they do, cuz we don't want to offend anyone)
Post op, help her make sure she has the right kind of foods to eat.
I agree with what Kristie said, don't take those mood swings personally. Sometimes the best thing to do is to just leave her be. She'll likely know she's being irrational, but can't help it at the same time.
It would be an excellent idea to purge your kitchen/pantry of any and all unnecessary snack foods. Only healthy foods in the house. (that helps you too, i can't remember are you pre or post surgery?)
The scent of food cooking drove me crazy when I was on optifast. Be sensitive to that, ask her if it bothers her, and be sure to let her know she can be perfectly honest with her (some of us overweight women are "pleasers", and would say things don't bother us, even tho they do, cuz we don't want to offend anyone)
Post op, help her make sure she has the right kind of foods to eat.
Wow! First off, I just want to say how awesome I think it is that you are putting this out there trying to support your wife.
Secondly, every person's journey is individual, but I can tell you what I needed. My support systems were very well informed, having come with me to all the pre-surgery classes and appointments, so they knew of the nutrition information and eating plans. After surgery, I didn't want to touch food with a ten foot pole, but it helped when someone was bringing me my meals and encouraging me to eat something on my schedule. Remember it will take a while for eating, but reminding me to eat was helpful or else I don't think it would of happened my first few days back from the hospital. Between meals, encourage her to drink lots of water. I made homemade ice chips out of crystal light and prefered those to drinking water, so that might be an option. Dehydration is not fun and encouraging her to drink is really important. If she is like me, she'll probably be tired and want to sleep, but walking is important to do to help with healing and getting the gas passing, so make sure she gets up occassionally and does a lap around the living room, etc.
Other than that, be there for her when she needs and asks for you.
I hope her surgery goes well!
Secondly, every person's journey is individual, but I can tell you what I needed. My support systems were very well informed, having come with me to all the pre-surgery classes and appointments, so they knew of the nutrition information and eating plans. After surgery, I didn't want to touch food with a ten foot pole, but it helped when someone was bringing me my meals and encouraging me to eat something on my schedule. Remember it will take a while for eating, but reminding me to eat was helpful or else I don't think it would of happened my first few days back from the hospital. Between meals, encourage her to drink lots of water. I made homemade ice chips out of crystal light and prefered those to drinking water, so that might be an option. Dehydration is not fun and encouraging her to drink is really important. If she is like me, she'll probably be tired and want to sleep, but walking is important to do to help with healing and getting the gas passing, so make sure she gets up occassionally and does a lap around the living room, etc.
Other than that, be there for her when she needs and asks for you.
I hope her surgery goes well!
Katie ♥
I just wanted to thank everyone for their great advice. I really appreciate it. My wife's appointment is on Friday. I am sure she will be back on OH talking about her appointment :D.
Take care. Have a great day everyone.
- Bin.
Take care. Have a great day everyone.
- Bin.
Referral: Dec 12, 2011 RNY Surgery: August 13, 2012
HW: 394 lbs SW: 334 lbs
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