They warned me in orientation this could happen...completely heartbroken

I feel your pain and you are not alone. I just ended a 30 year friendship and it was heartbreaking.

When I had the surgery, I thought I would end up as a thinner version of how I started. But the truth is that I have changed on the inside. I am more assertive and less willing to put up with other people's crap. The friend I lost is 200 lbs overweight. I think she may have thought I was bragging -- and I was trying to be sensitive to her feelings -- but she did not want to hear about my shrinking body, exercise, clothes shopping, or changes at work due to increased self confidence. These are all big parts of my life that I felt I could no longer discuss with her.  I also had less patience for some of the issues in her life that I felt she could change.

You will make new friends who will be supportive of where you are now. But I totally understand how hard it is right now. Good luck to you.

 

 

 

 

They are upset that you have really done well. they are threatened by your success. You seem to know that this could happen. I had the same thing happen to me. 5 yearsout I started to regain weight due to unknown complications w/ RNY gastric bypass. As I regained the old friends started reappearing. I didn't need them for sympathy. I just had a revision w/ removal of rest of stomach and bypass area- pain and contstant nausea gone!!! and I have lost over half of the weight I regained- and I haven't heard from the "old" friends since I have been losing again. It is their issue. It is easier to hurt you than to look at themselves.

You have a good support in your husband and are hurt. You have changes in wyas they cannot deal with. You are exercising and eating healthily..They have to look at themselves-like you had to. You are ahead of them. they may cathc up some day; but you will not need their approval. You can move on after you accept their unwillingness to change and their unrighteous anger.

You will make new friends. Feel the pain and move on to the new life you want and deserve. Good luck.. I let it get to me and and it hurt me-not them. I am back and as strong as ever..b  

Thank you for sharing this. love it

When I feel down this poem lifts me up...love should never hurts.

"Everyone Can't be in your front row"

Life is a theater so invite your audiences carefully. Not everyone is holy enough and healthy enough to have a FRONT ROW seat in our lives.
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.

It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships, friendships, fellowships and family!
Everyone Can't be in Your FRONT ROW.

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention to: Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are just going downhill?

When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know and appreciate you and the gift that lies within you?
Everyone Can't be in Your FRONT ROW.

You cannot change the people around you...but you can change the people you are around!

Remember that FRONT ROW seats are for special and deserving people and those who sit in your FRONT ROW should be chosen carefully.
Everyone Can't be in Your FRONT ROW

Take care:)

 

i too lost "friends" and family members. Im a very out going person and then with out notice they just stop communicating with me. What hurts the most is my father NEVER acknowledged my weight loss and he was the main cause of my weight problems since childhood. He not once said "wow joey you look great" or "im happy for you" i got NOTHING from him. Not even support when it came time to help with purchasing some clothes for me which he promised he would help me on. Apparently he never agreed on that as he says.

Best thing to get rid of them, jealousy mayb, attention seekers? I had someone (friend of a friend) say to me that its "easy to loose 80 lbs when you take the easy way out!" I was floored, walked out of the room and have not spoken to her since!!

 

You have made a life change for YOU! YOU are what matters and is important!

 

Keep up the good work and get rid of everything negative!

:)

The easy way out is to curl up & lay down,do nothing with your life and wait to die... it takes lots of courage to ask for help. Life is a struggle – whatever you’re struggling with, it helps to hear words of encouragement that remind us that we all take knocks in life, but the best things in life come through persistence. All you have to do is keep moving forward, even when it feels like it would be easier to just lay down and give up.

In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.

Wow !! Im so sorry to hear that, maybe your friends are jealous of you? Maybe they arent real friends, people who support you, of who you are and are there for you 100% are the ones you should care about. Yes they were people you knew for a while, but if they are not positive why would you even want them around  you? Im sure you can find new people who share the same interest and  likes as you. Hey you got me for someone to talk to . Put your head up beatiful, because they would love to see you down !

It sounds like your friend boiled over in exasperation after a series of frustrating and hurtful episodes. Is she normally a patient and understanding friend? If so, what happened to push her over the line?

I have no idea if this applies to your situation, but many of us have found that due to hormonal changes, we have gone through periods of being very angry and irritable in the months post-op. Sometimes all the suppressed anger over past hurts and injustices that stemmed from our obesity finds its way out as we begin to take control of your life and be more assertive. We are experiencing many new feelings as we evolve physically and we haven't yet found a way to cope with these feeling or express them in an acceptable way. Without realizing it, you might be lashing out at people for things you would have not noticed or ignored in the past. 

You may think you are still you on the inside, but has the way you are expressing yourself changed? The core may remain the same, but the reactions to outside stimuli may have changed.  WLS is a major, life changing surgery--the effects are both physical and psychological. Assuming that these old friends are reasonable and compassionate people and not some nasty clique, does the fact that several people have stepped back from the friendships suggest that you have changed in ways with which they are uncomfortable?  Logic demands that if your conclusion doesn't flow from your assumptions, the underlying assumptions need to be examined. The truth might be somewhere in the middle.

I'm sorry you are in such a tough spot, but this would be an excellent time to see a therapist or counselor to help you sort this out and get some perspective. Then you can decide whether to try to repair the friendships or move on.  Wishing you all the best.

 

here here.