They warned me in orientation this could happen...completely heartbroken

Nicole K.
on 11/12/13 11:02 am - Canada
RNY on 02/11/13

First, I'd like to let you all know that this is very hard for me to do....to come out and tell you all but I have no one else to go to who would understand, 

I had wls 9 months ago and yea now I'm healthier, but I've lost my friends....friends I've had for over 10 years. We did everything together and have been through so much together and now I've lost them . A few months ago I noticed them becoming more distant but it wasn't until recent the ugly truth really came out . I called one of them (one of  three) and asked her what exactly was going on....their  actions and behavior had changed so much recently I wanted to know......well she ripped me a new ass. This friend SCREAMED at me, she was full of anger and she called me some pretty nasty nasty names. She had NEVER spoken to me like this EVER. She yelled at me "ever since you had this surgery you've been nothing but a f-ing *****"------I was speechless.....I am still ME. I have not changed I'm the same person I was 9 months ago. I'm so hurt, theses r the only friends I told I was having wls and prior to surgery they ALL said they were supportive to me and there for me......wtf happened for thing to go from that to being screamed at and called nasty names. I'm so sad and hurt. IM STILL ME ON THE INSIDE. They warned me during orientation that friendship and relationships could end (my hubby and I just celebrated out 15 wedding anniversary and he is incredibly supportive yet he is upset and just as confused as I am).....WHY? WHY does this happen, I didn't do anything wrong.....did I?...

Orientation in Kingston: Sep 6/2012, RN Sept Sept 27/12 NUT Oct 12/12, SW Oct 12/12, ECG Oct 12/12, Abd US Oct 31/13, Post -Op Nut Class Dec 12/12, Meet with Surgeon Jan 2/13, PATTS and Dr Glazier Jan 24/13 SURGERY Feb 11th/12!!!!!

    
chipmunk_roasting
on 11/12/13 12:00 pm - Ottawa, ON, Canada

I'm sorry to hear this;  it sounds as though you've not lost much with this group of people.

There's not enough information (read none) in your post to determine if you are the words she (not they) called you, but the fact that anyone would treat you so poorly is reason enough to walk away and leave their disrespectful self in your rear view mirror.

Just my opinion.

Best regards.

mmm

Referral - March 2011 // Orientation - Ottawa - July 8, 2011 // Surgery - January 23, 2013

4-Jane
on 11/12/13 12:05 pm - Canada

Sometimes things are not as they seem at all, true love and support is never mean nor unkind.  I'm sorry you feel hurt but keep reaching out to your weight loss community and you will have new supports and new beginnings 

 Respectfully Jane
Dani34
on 11/12/13 10:50 pm - Canada
VSG on 10/21/13
My Bf has not been supportive at all. She was very mean about it when I told her I was having the surgery. She has only sent me texts, nothing more. In my opinion, it all comes down to jealousy. I'm sorry you were treated this way. It's time to make some new friends. We are the same person but we become more confident. What kind of friend wouldn't want that for you? That it's not a true friend. xo

~Danielle

GP Referral: Summer 2012 Orientation: December 17 th, 2012  Dietitian/Social worker and Nurse Clinician January 31, 2013  Post OP: September 19th 2013 Surgery: October 21st, Dr.Smith  (VGS) 

    

    

Alberta1
on 11/12/13 12:20 pm - Iroquois, Canada

Hi Nicole

I'm so sorry for your pain.  I won't claim to know your exact situation, but sometimes I feel like people don't find us a threat.  In that I mean we are not competition for anything, we are just the plus sized person in the room that won't command the desired attention that most people crave.  With your weight loss you probably have more self confidence, increased self esteem, your happier and you are showing the world that you are a fighter.  You are fighting your weight demons and are kicking butt!  If your friends were in the least bit insecure, well they must feel even more so in your new and improved presence.  True friends will love and support you no matter what.  Fair weather friends will show there true colours sooner or later.  You need to take pride in yourself and don't worry true friends will come.  They will love you regardless of your size.  I wish you the best of luck!  

Tracey

 

Referral July 3, 2013 * Orientation October 16, 2013 * Nurse Practitioner November 6, 2013 * Ultrasound December 9, 2013 * Nutritionist & Social Worker December 12, 2013 * 2nd Nutritionist January 27, 2014  *Pulmonary Functions Test Feb 6, 2014* Endoscopy Feb 14, 2014*  2nd Nurse Practitioner March 3, 2014*  Pre-Surgical Class April 16, 2014* Surgeon Dr. Neville May 20, 2014* Surgery October 2, 2014

Pamela.S.
on 11/12/13 12:25 pm - Canada

First - congrats on your weight loss!  Sometimes friends are in our life for a reason, or a season.  You are the same person on the inside, but you've changed alot in a short period of time.  Sometimes even when you're dieting you have friends that try to sabotage you.  I'm ashamed to say that one time I called a friend "boring" while she was on weigh****chers because she didn't want to go out drinking with a bunch of us!  Even at weigh****chers they tell you that some people will subconsciously sabotage you. There can be many different reasons for why your friends are acting this way. If they are overweight, your weight loss could be making them realize that they should do something about their own weight.  If you were usually socializing by going to restaurants or bars and this has changed, and they aren't sure how to handle things.  It's probably their own insecurities that are causing them to lash out at you.  I'm very sorry that you are going through this especially when you're probably feeling pretty good about yourself - as you should be.  It might be time to give your friends some space, sometimes people need to take a break and then they reconnect later on.  Hang in there, thankfully your hubby is supportive, because that is really important.  You have a bunch of people on this site who are here to support you!

    

Referral Sept/13, changed centres to HRRH - Orientation Mar 24/14.  Feb 5, 2015 - SURGERY!!!! HW 286.4 SW 264

        

Sunny123
on 11/12/13 7:45 pm, edited 11/12/13 7:51 pm
RNY on 12/05/13

I have to echo the thoughts of everyone who has posted here...jealousy, a threat, a reflection of what they themselves should be doing.

You refer to them as friends...they're not friends. They sound like a bunch of mean girl teenagers who got together and enjoyed a little bit of you bashing.

Move on from these toxic people. You have the love and support of your husband (congratulations of 15 years of marriage!!). Hopefully you will find new hobbies and connect with new friends.

I have a friend in particular who is tall, thin and really gets annoyed when I won't drink with her...I mean really annoyed. I have spent less time with her. She likes to compare herself and perfect her life with everyone else. When someone has some thing, she either wants it or tries to better it....

This is one thing she cannot do...She cannot lose weight and recreate herself (like Madonna baby!!) like I will be doing...She is in my life because her husband is my husband's best friend.

I see my days with her as numbered...She acts up...she's gone. It's time to focus on ourselves and feel good about what we're accomplishing...if a 'friend' can't to that....KICK THEM TO THE CURB!!

Jo

P.S. I just viewed your profile -- you were beautiful before...you're absolutely stunning now...oh yes, those B*TCHES be jealous!!

Jo ~  HW:297 SW: 279.6  GW:160 ~ Don't trade what you want most, for what you want at this moment!!  Dr Amy Neville Dec 5, 2013         

        

PepperBB
on 11/12/13 8:18 pm - Canada

I'm so sorry, no one for any reason deserves that. If your "friends" were really friends, they would not have bottled this up for so long. No matter the reason, I am sure it hurts all the same. 

Congrats on your weight loss, maybe it's time for some more life changes. 

Good luck to you and keep your head up!

Katie

Katie H.

Referral January 2013 - Orientation at TWH March 4  -  Social Worker May 27 - Nurse Practitioner July 11 - Nutrition Class August 26 - Dietitian September 4 - Psychologist September 4, Meeting with Surgeon September 13 - Surgery October 28

    

        
starfish52
on 11/12/13 8:25 pm - Canada

They are just jealous..green with envy!

Arlio1207
on 11/12/13 8:42 pm - Belleville , Canada
RNY on 04/04/13

Wow Nicole I am so sorry. I see your friends either became jealous or just lost their minds....You a ***** I do not think so. If you were, you would not have come over here, sat in my kitchen for an hour with me to share your experience, bring me protein powders and bars to try...cuz i had no clue what to try. Txt me, supported me and been a real friend to me. I think what your "friend" did is wrong and uncalled for. She is really selfish. You are you, no matter what you weigh. They liked you bigger, why not like you slimmer? I think sometimes ppl say they want good for others, but when we get our confidence back...they think we are *****es. I am glad your hubby is still a major support for you !!!! I am always here if you need to talk. hugs...

Arlene enlightened

Referred June 26, 2012, Orientation Nov 7, Nurse Nov 19. Dietician and Psychologist Nov 21, Dietician #2 Jan 4, 2013, Final Nurse Jan 24, Meet surgeon Feb 20th, Pre Surgical class Mar 6th, Dr Glazier March 7, PATTS March 7, Surgery April 4th !!!!!

    

    
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