Help! Dating after surgery weirdness

lol you are so funny birdiegirl, douche in a pretty wrapper indeed.  I just hope I have the strength to keep meeting people despite these dissapointments, it is hard, especially if you are a sensitive person. 

Hi Zizz,

I personally would not give this guy the time of day.  A big red flag is the fact that he is starting to show his true colours on your second date.  He should still be trying to impress you at this point.

I know it seems hard, and yes this is the first guy you have really liked.  But I truly believe you deserve better, and I hope that you can see that you do too.

I know it seems like hard work.  14 dates/4 guys you like.  Consider those first 14 dates as getting your feet wet in the pool of the dating world.  You were away from it for awhile and likely are a little rusty. 

Please don't give up. 

As for this guy, if you want to see him again, that is totally up to you.  Maybe see how he is on the 3rd date.  If you decide to talk to him about the issues that have arisen, just be prepared it could go either way.  Good or bad. 

Hang in there Zizz.  There is someone special out there for you.

I am getting ready for my next date, drinks at noon, trying to get enthusiastic about it but it is hard after last night.  It is hard to go in fresh meeting someone new when you have just been disappointed so many times.  Thank you for the words of encouragement, I will keep going, take a break if I get too jaded about things.  Who knows, maybe this guy wont even contact me again, problem solved, sort of.  I am journaling my dates after I go on them, just to keep my head straight and because it is kind of funny/fun.  I have lots of funny stories to tell people now, so I guess I can say at least it has added some humour to my life eh?

He seems rather insure himself. I am wondering if he has had a very sad experience with Obese or The Homeless/The Mentally Ill such as an obese/mentally ill abusive parent/family member. I wonder this because he has chosen to share his terrible view points so very early and I always try to analyze the who, what, where and why in people to understand better. With that said are you really in a position to try and fix him or any other man??? You have done an amazing job taking this journey to fix and love yourself. As you know first hand there is no quick fixes and WLS is certainly NOT a quick fix but an amazing tool to aide us through all the hard work we do as we fix the issues that has us here today. If you like him other than these very uncomfortable view points than you can continue to enjoy him for who he is as a practice run for Mr. Right. I personally would share with him about my journey, he will be given another outlook on the subject and an eye opener that we have reached a much higher level in medical research that has enabled us to reach these goals of a better healthier life. He might judge ( so be it, it is only his view point) or he might walk away with his tail between his legs with food for thought. Try and see this as sad for him not you. You have an amazing skill to be compassionate and that speaks volumes. In today's dating scene it is very tough regardless of what journey we have traveled. I recommend that you enjoy it for what it is and embrace this new dating journey with the same vigor you have used to bring you to this point in your healthier life style. You have the skill for making better choices and that does not just include food and you should trust this. All in all have fun             

Good luck Zizzler!  I just started the online dating thing myself.  It's a weird world.  But I think you've received some sound advice.  Anyone who has hateful comments towards whole groups of people this early on in your relationship...think it's just the tip of the iceberg!  Listen to that inner voice of yours...it's yelling at you.  He's made you feel uncomfortable and the red flags are up...with good reason I think.

By the way, we should have coffee soon.  I've changed jobs...think I'm back in GEDS (new e-mail).  Message me or send me an e-mail at work if you want to get together...we can compare notes on the online line thing!!

DD

That is so funny that you just started online dating too.  Great news that you changed jobs  We definitely should get together to compare notes, yes it is definitely totally weird!  I will email you sometime for sure, we can catch up :0)

Maya Angelou wisely said that people will always tell you and show you who they are.  He has done that.  You have to decide if you can live with who he is and want that in your life.  

Hey I feel like I need to chime in here. I had the lap band when I was 21 and I had lost 130lbs and went from a size 24 to a 2/4.  Very few people knew about my surgery and I never had any intention of telling people I dated. I started dating this one guy right before I turned 23. He was very attractive in my eyes and smart and funny and he liked me. He too said a few comments regarding fat people. He didn't just blurt them out, but it he saw a fat person on tv or something he would crack a joke. It made me a tad uncomfortable, but I just wouldn't comment. The thing is he wasn't the only one... Tons of ppl around would crack jokes. It's a different world being thin especially when people have no idea you use to be big. Anyways that guy I dated ending up finding out I use to be fat, because my lap band slipped while we were dating and even though he was shocked he took care of me. 15 months later we got married and he is my best friend.  I have gained almost 160 lbs and he is still with me. I had to have two talks with him convincing him to support me in having another wls surgery. He has told me in the past he would love me even if I'm 500lbs, but he knows I do what I want and wants me to be happy. I know this has turned into my life story, but I don't want you to run away from everyone who says a bad thing about fat people. That's just how the world perceives us especially if they don't have a close fat person in their life. If he seems like an overall douche then walk away, but if he has only made a comment here or there then I say give him a chance. Either way don't give up!

Thank you blinder for sharing your story, very interesting to get another point of view.  Personally I think people who make fun of others for whatever reason are doing it because they feel insecure about themselves.  Best of luck with your new surgery, that is too bad what happened with the band, what a rollercoaster of emotions that must have been. 

Get him to fall in love with you and then joyfully tell him how big you used to be and and how great you feel now. And then see if he calls you back.