Dying Inside.

Oh it finally happened today.  I had my surgery on July 3rd and I thought that I was okay with this whole thing...and it's finally hit me today.  What did I do to myself?  I know why I had the surgery...but today when I looked at a chicago style deep dish pizza filled with oozing cheese...I realized how much I miss eating whatever I wanted to...whenever I wanted to.  Am I going to be living the rest of my life denied these kinds of foods????  I know I shouldn't want to eat that way ever again but the real fact here is that yes, I am a food addict.  So my question is...will I ever be able to eat the foods that I love???  I mean, I know I will be able to eat again but will I ever be able to eat pizza...or whatever else I choose (sparingly of course) every once in awhile??  Will things get better for me...right now my emotions are running high and it doesn't help that my hubby and I just got into a small argument about him hanging around with old friends of his that are no good (those old friends = don't have jobs, drink every day...) I miss food.  I miss food that is REALLY fattening and comforting.  *SNIFFLES* Will this phase pass? 

All I can say is the further you get out, the thinner you get, the better you feel the more I tend to shun away food.  Honestly at your stage in the game that pizza would have sounded divine.  Now a lowfat cheesestick dipped in pizza sauce is just fine with me.  Food is fuel.  Yes we are addicts.. but food is fuel and it is NOTHING else.. I try to eat good stuff but it is food to nourish me now.. not entertain me or make me "feel good".  You will get there someday.. wait till more weight comes off you start to realize this.

(hugs) It will pass.  You'll never be able (or hopefully want to) scarf down the mass quantities of food like before.  But, once you move on to more solid foods, it gets easier.   Some people believe that you should never eat fat or sugar again.  Others (like me) believe it's all about portion control.  I say whatever WORKS for you.  Once you get further out and you can eat just one cookie and be satisfied, eat the cookie.  However, if the cookie is a trigger and you know you'll just eat more, then stay away from them. I learned this past weekend that doughnuts are a trigger food for me.  I will need to make them a no-no food for me.  ::sniffles::  Goodbye dear friend (doughnut). 

I am sorry you are not feeling well. I have not had my surgery yet, but hope to with the next month or so.  However, I was reading about this very subject today in "Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies". You are in a VERY NORMAL post-op stage where you are "mourning" food.  The book says that it is completely normal to go through this and it WILL PASS. Yes you will eventually be able to eat something like Chicago style deep dish pizza.  You won't be able to eat it like you did before (a whole pizza or several slices).  But in a couple of years or so, you will occassionally be able to eat something like that in a "normal" quantity like a "normal" sized person would.   I know that's not very comforting right now, but it's the best I have.  One thing you might try is avoiding being around those types of foods for a while.  If you see something like that, don't stare at it and dwell on it - walk away and start doing something else to take your mind off it. 

This too shall pass. I was right where you are at  about one week post-op. It lasted for a couple weeks...and eventually my relationship with food started to change. Please don't get me wrong...sometimes I look at those foods (pizza, doughnuts, cookies, etc) and wish I could eat them again. However, on most days I could care less about them.  I don't constantly think about them anymore--and I'm only 7 weeks post op. Believe me...I too, was a food addict...but also believe me when I say it will get better. I went to IHOP last night with my family....and there wasn't anything on the menu that sounded good to me.  I didn't want to eat something that had no protein or nutritional value----SO I decided to just drink some iced tea and make myself some lean smoked turkey sausage w/ lite barbeque sauce when we got home. That's what I had instead. That shows that my mental state has completely changed. Nutritional value???? I used to never care if it was nutritious or not..................if it tasted good--I ate it! Now it's not worth it. I can only eat about 1 oz of meat at this point, and I knew if I ate something at the restaurant that I wouldn't be able to eat my protein for the evening. The funny thing was...it didn't bother me to watch my family eat pancakes and chicken strips!!!!!  Just don't beat yourself up over the cravings--it's completely natural!!! Once you move on to the next stage and can eat more variety, you will probably notice that you don't care as much about these greasy/fried/high fat foods. Keep your head up.......things will be alright!!!

I understand exactly how you feel. Go read my blog if you want to. It expresses the same sentiments. And then look at the last couple of entries. You WILL feel better, I promise you.

Ohh you can have have pizza etc .. eventually. The question is if you will WANT to have it.

One of the goals of wls is to get that monkey off your back! :) Hee hee!

Sometimes I try pizza and Chinese (my all time favorites) but after a few bites .. I basically feel like S*** and it doesn't even taste as good as it used to anyway ... so the desire just goes out of the window.

I've wasted a lot of food since my wls. :|

I've learned to enjoy other foods that actually make me feel good .. like plenty of water, yogurt with chopped up fruit, nuts and honey, a nice cup of hot tea. Just the simple things seem to suffice better than all that crap I used to stuff myself with.

THIS IS A GOOD THING!! :))

I'm a little farther post-op than you. 3 weeks today. Yesterday, I had some pizza from the Church Fair I have gone to since I was a kid. Since it was brought home for me, it reheated kind of chewey/gummy. I ended up sucking some sauce & cheese to enjoy a little flavor and passed on the dough part because I didn't want to bring on a case of the foamies.  I cannot believe how much control over food this surgery has given me. I've gone food shopping twice this week & have not craved all the "crap" food I used to go for. My husband bought some Ring Dings into the house & I was not a happy camper, but I haven't  had any real desire to shove one in my mouth. Seeing the scale go down every day, and looking in the mirror and seeing the changes is amazing. The only thing that was not on my dietary good food list since surgery was a little tiny swipe of icing from my son's cupcake.  in three weeks, not bad at all. I did not touch any cakes/treats, etc. I had cherries and they were delicious. I have not had any soda or coffee since surgery. Give it time and look at how much you ae able to do because the excess weight is leaving you..... These boards are amazing & I thank you all for sharing so much. bernadette  (down 44 pounds since April 28th0

I posted a similar message when I was about two weeks post op. I missed being able to "enjoy" eating, and now that I'm almost 3 months post op, I feel so much better when I sit down to eat than I did right after surgery.  When I first went to solid foods, nothing stayed down and it HURT to eat (thus, no joy at all!!!) In fact, it was so bad (I'd take a bite, vomit, wait a while..take another bite, vomit, wait...) that I went back to liquids and yogurt for a couple weeks.  Right around the end of my second month post-op, I was finally able to eat solid foods and have it stay down and not hurt. It was wonderful!  You will get there too. Just be patient with yourself and know that you will continue to feel better and better.  Today, for instance, I met a girlfriend for lunch at my very favorite gourmet pizza place.  I ordered one slice of the spinach, garlic, and feta pizza. I snacked on the cheese and sauce over an HOUR (I was so busy chatting), and I felt so happy that I could enjoy the flavor of the few bites I took. Now, I savor each bite and really enjoy it, rather than pre-op when I would scarf down the entire pizza (hiding from the world at my house). My relationship with food has changed so much (like the others have posted above). Hang in there!!! Someday, you will be able to decide if you want to eat three or four bites of your favorite foods again, and you'll have much better control over that decision as time goes on.   hugs, Elaine

Oh, sweetie, your feelings make perfect sense!  Your lifestyle has just changed drastically!  It's going to take awhile to get used to everything.  I'd encourage you to read "Before and After: Living and Eating Well After Weight Loss Surgery" by Susan Maria Leach.  She talks about incorporating food cravings into her meal plans, even dessert.  She also has awesome recipies for every stage after surgery to help with mourning our food.  Check it out at your local library! Hang in there.  You CAN do this!   Heather