Irritated About Support Group

Are there different KINDS of groups to go to? I have gone to my hospital group four times, and it's always the same day as the information session for the brand newbies, so we sit there listening to the SAME lady talking about HER personal experience 10yrs ago and how awful it was. She's a nice enough lady, but I really need to be in a group with people I can get some "been there done that" from. There are more recent patients present, but she never lets them talk. She's so scared the newbies are going to make a hasty decision, so I don't think she WANTS them to hear anything TOO positive on the first day.

I need to talk to someone because I need advice on different things like how to measure out multi-ingredient soups and dishes (do you measure out 1oz of chicken, 1 oz of beans and 1 oz of veggies, or do you just get a 1/2 cup of soup and call it even?) In short, I need to speak with someone who is a little further out from me, not 10 yrs out - 10 yrs ago this procedure didn't even exist! What should I do? I don't want to get frustrated because that will lead me to stop going, but if I don't get what I need, is there really a POINT to going? I don't have time to deal with a "work in progress" group - I need help NOW!

You might ask on your state board.

I've always treated OH as my support group

I went to an in-person one once..... just didn't connect (though it sounds like it was better than what you went to)

I get that completely! I wanted to talk to someone who had had RNY that was only a year or less out. I thought that my questions would get answered better. Turns out, my mom (who had RNY 28yrs ago) has been a great person to talk to about it. Yes, they take more care now because they know more about the malabsorbtion, importance of protein, etc, but all in all it's the same. Granted, back then, they stayed in the hospital for a month to a month and a half before they went home. I'm glad I went home on the second day!

Remember, it's not the length of time that's affecting the group. It's just one person. I would talk to the leader of that group to see if there is anything they can do to make it so everyone gets a chance to talk. Good luck!

Also, you can always post those questions here and get some great answers.

This is a terrible thing to say, since it does help alot of people, but your support group sounds about like the AA's I went to. All the same people saying the same things and not too willing to let newbies talk and when they do it's like they don't care for what you have to say. So, NO, I don't think you need to keep going if you're not getting anything you need from it! I got frustrated and quit going, and lo and behold, I haven't drank since! Look around, I would even ask somebody in the bariatric dept if there are other groups any where not too far. It's not being offensive, it would just be you trying to get more information about your surgery.

My surgeon has set up three different groups just for that reason. Talk to your surgeon.

If worst comes to worst, get together with some of the others in the group outside of class. Just stand up and make an announcement in the group!!! That might make the leader rethink her group!

I too use OH as my support group and didn't attend a "live" group until last month. 

Your mom had RNY 28 years ago?!!  You should ask her to join OH and share her story....people are always asking about long term and there are a few that pop in occassionally that are 8 or 10 years out,, but 28 is the longest I've heard of!

My first WLS was in 1980! We are around. I'm alive and kicking!

I hope you didn't find what I said offensive - (that the leader's surgery was 10yrs ago). I didn't mean to imply that because it was 10+yrs ago that it was BAD or anything like that. Here's an explanation of what I meant:

Her surgery was open, she had horrible complications both during and after surgery (related to it being open surgery, I mean) and 99% of our doctor's procedures are done by lap successfully. He had to convert ONE patient to an open procedure when he (patient) decided that the pre op diet wasn't really necessary. AHEM. So she can't speak to us about our lap site care, or our stomas. She was in the hospital for 3wks, we're in for three days. Different experience. She was given her pain medication differently than we are. Different experience. Being cut stem to stern, she had a totally different recovery from us. I understand that she can speak to us OVERALL about the general EXPERIENCE, but the specifics - she has no idea because she simply had a different experience from those of us who are more recent patients. I love her to death, really I do.  But she talks about vomiting EVERY DAY, after EVERY MEAL, for MONTHS once she went back to work. There is NO PHYSICIAN who's just going to leave his patient flapping in the wind like that nowadays. (Her surgeon is now deceased, btw.) I'm not saying that she doesn't have VERY valid information to add to the group, but she does NOT need to be the ONLY person at the podium for 90mins once a month, expecting everyone to leave feeling fulfilled.

I hope that's a more clear explanation. I didn't mean that because her surgery was 10yrs ago that she's not able to offer anything at all to the group.

No, I wasn't offended and like you I believe the other people need to talk. Everyone has a story.
So I would be pro-active and request that you do a "round-robin" kind of talk, let everyone introduce themselves, share if they want what type of surgery they had and weight loss if they want to reveal that. Most people do want to talk and no one person should ever monopolize a support group. It's about others, not her.

I hardly ever go into my surgery experience, I also was open and unfortunately I get scar tissuee and adhesion's. I'm big on exercise and encourage walking with everyone. I love hearing about peoples success...and again, it's how you decide what success is. For me, it's not going for second helpings and I try to leave 3 bites on my plate.

Food calls to me...just like it does for many others and I can say after your at least 2 years post op, food starts calling to you. Hopefully by then we have developed excellent eating habits, always reaching for protein first then fresh veggies and fruits. So what happens if we don't do that? Gonna beat ourselves up? Nope, we just start all over again. Good luck in finding another support group, I'm sure you can find one. Hugs Debbiejean

My Dr has pre and post surgery groups.  They are very different.  In the pre, there is a set topic and they make sure they get many issues covered before the surgury.  Everyone is REQUIRED to attend 12 support sessions before surgery.  Post surgery group is geared much more to who is there and getting them the help they need.  But, that is 1.5 hrs from me so I don't go it that one.

Locally, there is a mixed group.  I have been going and it is nice they allow anyone to attend even if they had there surgery elsewhere.  The time is mostly taken up with anwsering pre-op questions but there is always a topic and everyone chimes in. 

My real support group is here and the LW forum.  That is where I get my questions answered.  And if you have the question, probably someone else does also and you are helping everyone by posting your questions.

To answer your question about mixed ingredient items, I do both.  I use the tracker on this website.  If it is something I make a lot, I will do it as a my food and put the receipe in and calculate the totals so I can pull it up anytime.  But there are some items I just use something that seems pretty close and go with that.