eating and depression - personal

I've struggled with depression my whole life.  It's been under control for the past couple years.  When things have been bad, I tend to eat.  I've always loved to eat, food has been entertainment, reward and something to make me feel good.  When in the midst of a depressive spell, I'd eat out of a wish/need for self destruction.  Basically I didn't care if I lived or died and I'd rather die full of something good. 

Like I said, my depression has been under control for a while now until recently.  I lost my job right before surgery.  Because of that, I've given away all but one of my horses.  I've also mostly quit talking to the people I used to work with.  Tomorrow is my 32nd birthday and I'm beginning to feel that old biological clock ticking.  AND I had major surgery.  It's caught up with me and I'm back to being depressed.  I know that TOM hormone issues and hormones from surgery are just making things worse.

I am almost 100% sure that now, post-op my self destructive eating has turned the other way.  Instead of wanting to eat, now I DON'T want to eat.  I have really struggled over the past 5 days or so to actually EAT. 

I want to hold off going to my doctor for a med change.  I'm hoping this will pass on it's own without that.  I know I NEED to see a therapist but I have no idea how to find one that fits my needs.  I really liked the woman who did my eval but she's heavy too.  How do you go about finding a good therapist?  I'm VERY fortunate that I had enough hours banked to keep my health insurance until November.  I need to get this going now.  

Thanks for reading all this.  Advice would be greatly appreciated. 

I am sorry that you have had to give away some of your horses because it sounds like they gave you some joy.  According to your profile you have lost a good amount of weight so you may need an adjustment in your medication.  No offense but your post has a depressive tone so you may need a med adjustment.  I mean you are going through a lot right now so be gentle with yourself, get as much help as you can while you have your health insurance and keep talking to people.  It is the isolation that is not good.  Maybe you could get yourself to a support group for RNY'ers.  Is there one in your area?  Maybe something online even.  You say that before surgery you didn't care if you lived or died-rather die full of something good, well not eating causes people to die.  what I find is I am a person of extremes in a lot of areas of my life.  Please take care and keep talking to people-you are important.

Thank you!  I'm waiting for a call back from my psychiatrist to see about adjusting my meds.  I probably should have seen him after surgery anyway. 

I got some Isopure today so at least I'll get in my protein. 

Thanks for the support!

Do you work out any. Trust me it has filled in for some self destructive impulses I have had.

Just a thought.

I spend 60 minutes a day on the treadmill.  I haven't joined the gym yet.  I need to get on that!

Thanks, Nate!

I understand and sympathize.  I have never been diagnosed with depression, but have a major anxiety issue that I do take meds for.  I am in the second week of 6 of the liquid pre op diet and am spiraling into the ground.  I know that it is just the hormones/carb withdrawal and that this is a great time for me getting ready for surgery, but someone just microwaved a hot pocket at work and I wanted to stab them through the heart.  Don't even really like hot pockets, but the smell triggered a you cant have this response in my head and now I'm a mess.  I'm in my cube wanting to punch the world in the throat.  I guess that knowing it is half the battle, but I am just too tired to keep this fight up.  I want my comfort food to help me through this and I cant which makes me madder and want the food more.  Vicious cycle of anger.  I have 6 more hours before I leave here and hope I get this under control or the ride home will be at break neck speeds getting my frustrations out on the highway....  Anyone that says this is a cop out, or the easy way out should live in our meat shells for a while and see how easy it truly is.

I'm sorry you're having trouble!  I did pretty good with my pre-op diet.  Luckily lunch wasn't a big social thing the place I worked like it had been other places.  Detox from carbs really can mess you up!  I hope you feel better soon!

Thanks for the support!

I hope you cheer up!  It can be tough..... Some time I wish we could call each other....  It might make us feel better!



Heidi

I think there are on the phone support group meetings somewhere ....

Thanks!

 All those life-stressors do wreck havoc on the mind.... I often recommend going to Psychology Today and searching your area under "Find A Therapist". Each therapist has a detailed page of what they do, insurances accepted, location, etc. Also, calling your insurance company and asking for therapists who specifically treat depression (though that's equivalent to randomly calling anyone in South America and asking if they speak Spanish.). My question is, if you liked the therapist who did your psych eval, why does her being heavy preclude her from being the right therapist for you? May actually be a really good place to start, as experience can often be the wisest teacher.