Sexual Identity?

I have posted earlier about obsesssing over women. I finally got my head out of my rear on that one.

I am curious to know how people did with their sexuality and weight loss. Before surgery, I had lost my identity as a lesbian, as a woman. It has been many years since I have had any type of relationship except for Harriet, the furry dominatrix, my loveable Maine Coon cat. 

I feel like I have missed out on the learning curve, being so heavy for so many years. My weight, my fat was there to keep people at bay. I was not a sexual being.

Now after surgery, and after coming out of "medical menopause" caused by excess weight, I fee like a lost, horny teenager. All those years normally spent dating and finding a partner (or two), I spent running and trying to survive my own self loathing. I feel like I am too old for some of the feelings and emotions I go through. I don't want to play games like I remember from highschool. I am an adult and want an adult relationship. However, at this stage in my recovery, I am a total NOOB!

Any insight or just telling me, hey chickie you normal (or whatever), is welcome.


Thanks in advance~

We all have stages we go through in life, like dating and finding your sexuality. Since you missed out the first time, you are just making up for lost time. No matter what the stage is people miss in their lives, childhood, teens...whatever it usually gets made up somewhere along the way. Just try and stay cool and use your head not your libido in relationships :)

What you are experiencing is quite normal.  It is especially common for those who were obese throughout their teenage and very early adult years and did not have the same experiences as others in terms of dating and establishing romantic relationships.  They do not learn how to navigate those interactions and relationships, and then when the weight comes off as an older adult they feel completely unprepared for life as mature sexual beings seeking romantic relationships. (Note that this is not to say that all obese teens and young adults do not date... just that many do not (or do so on a very limited basis).)  Sometimes the result is extensive promiscuity and/or repeated poor romantic/sexual relationship choices.  

This is common enough, in fact, that I included it in a presentation that I did at our annual state counselor conference two years ago and it is part of a presentation proposal that I submitted for this year's conference.

Lora

Hi Lora,

How intriguing. Is any of this information available on line?

I think I am too shy to be promiscuous!

Thanks,


Mary~

I do not know of any studies or articles on this specific topic that are available online.  There are many sites, though, that have general articles, blogs, etc. on the aftermath of WLS that include brief discussions of issues of sexuality and promiscuity (along with transfer addictions, marital problems, etc.)...

Lora

Honestly, I hope you get the chance to more fully explore your sexuality (in an emotionally/physically safe context).  Sexuality is something to be enjoyed!  I notice that you've recently had your RNY.  There are a lot of hormones stored in fat... as you lose the fat, those hormones are released.  The hormonal craziness you're experiencing now will probably normalize when you are further out from surgery and losing weight at a slower pace.

Oh thank goodness!

Yes, I remember now that estrogen loves fat cells. I am loaded with both of them. At least I can laugh about it. I somehow miss the "menopause" phase, hot flashes and all.



Mary~

Gay or straight, most people have a sexual coming out after they lose weight. You feel more confident and decide that you are worth having a committed partner. I was married before my surgery, but still, I understand what you are saying.