Need Encouragement...having a hard time

I've gone through some major emotional upheavals this year.  Lost both parents, had to give up my dog, had weight loss surgery and now having marital problems and extreme stress at work.  Not to mention, that I have major depressive disorder and anxiety and I'm having worsening depressive symptoms.   Big surprise on worsening depressive symptoms given all that I've been through. 

I have not been very compliant with my eating plan and supplements.  On the plus side I am getting my protein most of the time.  I'm not eating simple carbs or even a lot of complex carbs.  But, I recently had a bout of eating about 1/3 cup of peanut butter per day for four days in a row.  Ate it with apples, could have been a worse choice, but it definitely stopped the scale.  I've stopped logging my food and I know I am overeating, I've gained two pounds.  I haven't gotten my fluid intake in since I don't know when, at least weeks.  Most days I'm lucky to get 35-40 ounces of fluids.  I usually get one dose of calcium in, but frequently completely miss all other vitamins.  I just feel overwhelmed and working in a schedule for supplements just feels like more than I can do.

I am working with my psychiatrist on meds.  I'm participating in a support group.  I've gotten grief counseling.  I know that my non-compliance is creating risks that I don't need.  Every day, I swear that I will be more compliant and every day I feel like I am drowning.  I'm even missing a lot of work and not being productive there.  If I weren't the boss, I would already be in big trouble and at some point even my Board is likely to come down on me.  I'm letting down my staff by not really being available to them. 

I don't know what I want from all of you.  I know what I "should" be doing and can't seem to do it.  I worry about deficienies and weight gain.  I'm just over four months out and shouldn't be experiencing weight gain, but I've gained two pounds due to my non-compliance.

I guess I'm looking for encouragement, hope, ideas or suggestions that might help me keep moving forward.

 HUGS!!!

First of all, I am sorry for all the loss you have experienced this year. My condolences.

Take a deep breath. You know what you are doing wrong. You know what you need to do to fix it. And admitting it publicly is the first step!  Good for you!

Start with one thing at a time. Today work on your supplements. Tomorrow concentrate on your fluids., etc.

YOU CAN DO THIS! 

I know how hard it is to lose a parent.  Please remember you are still here and there are people who need you.  You need to take care of yourself so you will be around for those who love you.
Start simple, focus on one thing for today and don't worry about tomorrow.

I know you can pull thru this.

First of all I would also like to offer my condolences on your losses! Entering in on the group hug..... 
From your post you sound like you have already started the process of getting back on track, working with the psychiatrist to get your meds straightened out and joining a support group, it just may take a little time. Just try your hardest each day to focus on what you can take each day and try to focus on one thing at a time. Obviously it is important to get in all your fluids supplements and to not over eat but try to pick one getting in all your fluids for today and tomorrow and when you are doing ok with that then move on to vitamins and then focus on portions when that is under control you will do it, I have all the confidence in that you have gone through a lot in a very short period of time. Good Luck!!!

I am sorry you're going through so much right now.  I can't imagine how the stress/grief is effecting you. 

I'd say your 2lbs is water weight due to you not drinking enough and maybe the sodium in the peanut butter.  At 4 months out, I'm not sure you're capable of eating enough to gain any fat! 

Do you have any personal support?  Like a best friend?  If so see if you can get that person to give you a call and remind you about your vitamins!  Heck, PM me your number and I'll call and we can remind each other to take our vitamins.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  I have battled depression my whole life too and I know that paralized, stuck in the mud feeling of helplessness.  Sometimes all it takes for me is a reminder to bump me out of the fog.  

Remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  You have friends here.  Take care!!!

It's normal for your weight to fluctuate a little bit, so don't worry about those two pounds.

Can you plan to take some of your supplements with your antidepressants?  I have one of those little medi-sets with a little box for each dose and I set it all up once a week.  That helps me be compliant because it's easy to just open the box and get my pills out.  Much more trouble to have to open a bunch of different bottles all the time.  Most of my vitamins go in there with my other meds so it's easy to make sure I take them.  And I keep my medi-set on the end table right by the couch where I always sit.

Is there any way you can take a week off and focus on yourself and just be. Ditto what Kelly said. I too set my med box up for the week and I take my meds and supplements at the same time. Perhaps it would help to sit down and make a list of what you know you should be doing and find a solution to make that happen. I know when your in the middle of an episode everything seems so overwhelming, I totally get it, I really do. But, try and turn to finds ways to make solutions. I know when you find solutions and have a plan it won't seem so over whelming.(((hugs)))

first off , let me say . i am sorry for your loss. that can really hard im sure, another thing u r sounding alot like me , which is a bad case of depression setting in. sometimes we feel alll alone in our battles. i hope u can get some great info on here to help you. depresion is hard to cope with . its like ur body and mind doesnt play well together. i have found what works for me is to simply cut off the phone, take some long nice bubble baths. go for short walks . i hope u feel better soon. i have just gave u advice i need to take myself. i wish u nothing but happiness. thats what we were put on this earth for. my thoughts of good things coming your way . i stay hidden inside of my house. maybe u need some vacation time. to just sit back and take a breath. good luck.

Nothing to add except that I am thinking of you.

((HUG))
You have been through a lot.  But you are getting help and you realize what you are doing wrong.
Best of luck turning this around.  I will be thinking of you and praying for you.