What do/did you like about being fat???

I love my RNY, but I understand what people say about liking "being invisible." It is such a newfound feeling to have men hit on me that it often makes me uncomfortable. But, I feel so much better and I love being able to go into ANY store and buy something, and not having to go to Lane Bryant, etc. This is a learning process for all of us, hang in there.

Interesting question, indeed!

 

Sometimes in this process, healthy seems very unhealthy. I think it’s more a sign of our culture than anything wrong with us, but it’s still true.

Case in point. I didn’t think about food a lot as a fat person. I didn’t even eat that often. When I did it wasn’t healthy food but I could go for stretches without thinking about food. The only time I thought about food was when I was, for whatever reason, trying to restrict my eating.

I miss that. I miss being blissfully ignorant about food. I ate and then I did something else. Since surgery, I think about food CONSTATLY. This is with good reason. You have to make sure you ARE eating in the first place (it’s so easy to forget to but then you stall when you dip too low with calories), then you have to think about WHAT you will eat, how many calories it has, how much protein, how many carbs? Then there’s the strategic thinking about it: should I use sour cream or greek yogurt for more protein? Do I make my taco with ground meat or TVP? Do I stuff my deviled egg with egg yolk dressing or more protein like tuna?

 

It’s maddening. And I don’t like it. Granted, I’m a food blogger so part of it is at my own choosing. But still, it would be nice to make an eating decision and totally not think about it. Even when I am being “bad" it is planned.

 

So I guess that’s what I miss MOST about my old life. Being something of an extrovert, the newfound visibility doesn’t bother me (I actually get offended if people DON’T notice me, if men DON’T hit on me). And I’ve learned pretty well how to deal with my feelings as opposed to stuffing them down with food. But that whole planning, planning, planning, even if it is just in my head, bugs the crap out of me!