waitinggame
on 8/2/11 1:24 pm - Bowie, MD

When I look at my before pics I feel...shocked, horrified, embarrassed, in disbelief. Mine are almost all negative emotions. I just simply cannot believe that was me. Or that I lived, existed really, that way. It makes me sad to know how much of my life I spent being someone I'm not. BUT glad I've come so far and know that I don't have to live that way again.

I know some of you don't have negative connotations related to your size before surgery. Interested to hear how all of you feel when you look back at your before pictures.

Looking back, but going forward,

Denise

Check out my blog--menumealplanning.com. Tales of making meal planning managable, family fodder, and everything else under the sun.

RNY 2/3/09, LBL/BL w/Augmentation 9/16/11
Start weight: 335 Current weight: 185 Goal weight: Whatever the hell I can maintain without driving myself insane!

*6.5 lost preop

JerseyJim
on 8/2/11 1:31 pm - Sayre, PA

RNY on 05/23/11

Hi Denise. I don't really know what I feel when I look at my "before" pictures. Honestly, they aren't that different from my "now" pictures since I'm not that far out. The one thing that stands out is that the pictures don't match how I feel inside. The person in the pictures is so big and looks like they can't even move, and even 83 lbs ago, I never really felt like that. It's kind of strange, but if I stay away from a mirror, I actually think I'm normal sized. I certainly agree with you that my overall feeling when looking at pictures of myself is negative, but I can't pin down the exact emotion. Is it embarrassment? Is it disgust? Is it shame? I don't know. I do know that it isn't a good feeling.

HW: 418 SW: 386 CW: 225 GW: 210

SweetGirl11
on 8/2/11 1:39 pm

RNY on 06/08/09

GREAT post Denise! I, too, feel all the words you mentioned. I looked at my before pic earlier in the evening and felt utter disgust, loathing. My abdomen was SO huge.... yuck!!! I feel a sense of disbelief even though I KNOW I was obese for SO many years. I was looking at my wedding pictures from five years ago, and I was disgusted..... and I was 70 pounds less than my highest weight!!!! BLECH!!! I hate feeling so grossed out by looking at myself.

Michelle (OH member since 2004 - new user name)

HW 285 / SW 270 / GW 140 / LW 135 / CW 185

RNY 6/8/2009
Starting size 26/28, now size 12/14

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." -Hebrews 13:8

cajungirl
on 8/2/11 1:48 pm

RNY on 02/21/05

Disbelief, I didn't realize how big I was when I took my pre-op pictures. I shied away from a camera or when pictures were taken I stood behind someone else. If a picture happened to be taken of me alone I usually threw it away. To see the front and back view made me feel like a guard on a football team. OMG my shoulders were SO wide. So yeah disbelief best describes it.

Now I can barely remember looking that way. I had comorbidities but no mobility issues yet. Now I can do just about anything I want/try to do.

Rattling here: my boys were young (4 and 5) and don't remember me that way. My youngest saw an old photograph the other day and asked who that was.

Proximal RNY Lap - 02/21/05

9 years committed ~ 100% EWL and Maintaining

www.dazzlinglashesandbeyond.com

Cicerogirl, The PhD
Version
on 8/2/11 1:53 pm - OH

RNY on 08/27/07

My response is much like yours... shocked and embarrassed... somewhat disgusted. Mostly, however, just very sad. My only positive emotion is tremendous gratefulness that I am not STILL that size.

Lora

14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained

You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.

mdolan20
on 8/2/11 2:07 pm - Brick, NJ

RNY on 04/12/11

sad...very sad....like a wasn't really living.

Melissa HW:350 SW:333 CW:234 GW:128

punkinhead
on 8/2/11 2:17 pm - CA

I feel sorry I ever got so big. Shame for spending my whole life so limited and unhappy. I am very grateful for a second chance at life

Anabella
on 8/2/11 2:34 pm - Fresno, CA

RNY on 03/16/11

It makes me sad to see my before pictures, it brings back memories of people starring at me and making rude comments about obese people. I chose to ignore it for so long as if the problem never existed. There's just too many emotions going through my head when I see them. I am so glad I had my surgery!