Depression vs hormones
I have been in counseling for depression, PTSD, abandonment issues and a couple of other issues. I see my amazing counselor 1x a week. A couple of weeks ago I was "triggered' in session I struggled some since then. We talked about it at the next session and cleared it up, but that depression is hanging around. Then Counselor went out of state and the depression settled in a little more.
Today in session we were talking about the depression and started talking about how much of the depression is from my "stuff" and how much (if any) is from the hormonal stuff from surgery.
I'm not real good with feelings / emotions so I can't separate them out.... can they even be separated? What IS the difference?
Part of me is frustrated thinking Counselor believes the depression is just hormonal. Of course I didn't ask him if that is what he thinks. *shrug*
How do I approach this? I freak out when asked about emotions for this very reason, I don't know what I feel. (growing up feeling was taboo). Fortunately I trust my C, and we will figure it out..... I just need something to quiet my mind between now and next session.
If it's just hormones I can put the depression away and move on, just deal with it til it ends. If it is my "stuff" I have to deal with it.
Today in session we were talking about the depression and started talking about how much of the depression is from my "stuff" and how much (if any) is from the hormonal stuff from surgery.
I'm not real good with feelings / emotions so I can't separate them out.... can they even be separated? What IS the difference?
Part of me is frustrated thinking Counselor believes the depression is just hormonal. Of course I didn't ask him if that is what he thinks. *shrug*
How do I approach this? I freak out when asked about emotions for this very reason, I don't know what I feel. (growing up feeling was taboo). Fortunately I trust my C, and we will figure it out..... I just need something to quiet my mind between now and next session.
If it's just hormones I can put the depression away and move on, just deal with it til it ends. If it is my "stuff" I have to deal with it.
COURAGE TO START, STRENGTH TO ENDURE, RESOLVE TO FINISH
HW 353 SW 317 Original GW 180 Current Wt 170
First 5k 59:18; 5k PR 32:06; 1st 10k 1:20:27; PR 1:08:36
1st Half Marathon 2:48
Pensacola Double Bridge Run 15k- 1:47:34
Three Sprint Triathlons
Unfortunately, depression is rarely caused by just one thing. It's like a huge tangled ball of yarn, a bunch of strings of different colors and it's hard to tell where one ends and another begins.
I have it too. I definitely believe there is a biochemical component to my depression, and I believe my childhood had a lot to do with it, and I believe there are things in my adult life that also contribute to it. I know that desire to untangle it all.
I think sometimes the best we can do is just grab a piece of that yarn, whatever we can grab hold of right now, and start following it. You don't have to know where it's going or what it connects to. It might be nice, but it's not necessary.
How about start right where you are now? Sit down and write a note to your counselor, or email him if you can do that. Just say what you said here. Start with that.
I have it too. I definitely believe there is a biochemical component to my depression, and I believe my childhood had a lot to do with it, and I believe there are things in my adult life that also contribute to it. I know that desire to untangle it all.
I think sometimes the best we can do is just grab a piece of that yarn, whatever we can grab hold of right now, and start following it. You don't have to know where it's going or what it connects to. It might be nice, but it's not necessary.
How about start right where you are now? Sit down and write a note to your counselor, or email him if you can do that. Just say what you said here. Start with that.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
I really like that yarn analysis (I am a very visual person). It is a difficult concept for a perfectionist who tries to live in a black and white world (ie - the depression is either past "stuff" OR hormones... can't be both because that would create a grey area).
My "homework" is actually to email my counselor so that he can stay informed about the depression, so when I do that later tonight I will use your yarn analogy! Thanks!
My "homework" is actually to email my counselor so that he can stay informed about the depression, so when I do that later tonight I will use your yarn analogy! Thanks!
I like things to be black and white, too. Unfortunately this world is just full of grays.
You know, I think sometimes I have a tendency to get too focused on is it the past or the hormones or some seemingly concrete question like that because if I'm focused on that, then I don't have to look at the more important but more difficult issues - like what to do about it.
and just thought I would add, I feel very sure that God does not care what you call him/her. Father, mother, uncle herman, kermit the frog, whatever. God knows who you are talking to. And I'm very certain God is not picky about names.
You know, I think sometimes I have a tendency to get too focused on is it the past or the hormones or some seemingly concrete question like that because if I'm focused on that, then I don't have to look at the more important but more difficult issues - like what to do about it.
and just thought I would add, I feel very sure that God does not care what you call him/her. Father, mother, uncle herman, kermit the frog, whatever. God knows who you are talking to. And I'm very certain God is not picky about names.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
Just trying to figure that out would depress me. I worked with a life coach for about a year and ever since then, it's been rainbows and puppy dogs. She tackled my depression from a spiritual angle (not religeous).
Now days, I look forward to every day, even challenging days. I see every situation as a lesson with a purpose that was designed especially for me. I find myself saying, "It is what it is" or "Oh well, let's ride it out and see where we end up".
She really helped me to let go and just enjoy the ride...
Best of luck to you. I hope you find peace.
Now days, I look forward to every day, even challenging days. I see every situation as a lesson with a purpose that was designed especially for me. I find myself saying, "It is what it is" or "Oh well, let's ride it out and see where we end up".
She really helped me to let go and just enjoy the ride...
Best of luck to you. I hope you find peace.
That is awesome you have that outlook! What a powerful place to be!
I still have too much trouble from my PTSD to think that way.... dark rooms can put me into a sheer panic if my dog isn't with me ( I even taught him to "go look" and he goes in before me and walks to the back room. I figure if there is someone there, hearing me say "go look" and seeing a 110 lb dog "investigating" might help. ). Nightmares are so real that when I wake up I don't know I am awake, or if I was dreaming to begin with.
My counselor is a Christian counselor, so we include that aspect in my therapy... but even though I believe in and try hard to follow after God, I am not in a place where I can call him "Father" and feel comfortable with it.
I am stubborn enough I will make it through -regardless the cause. It is just frustrating to not be able to pinpoint where it is from. Even though logically I know my counselor would NEVER do it... my abandoned self is terrified he will blow off the hurt now as "hormonal"
That may not make sense outside of my head LOL
I still have too much trouble from my PTSD to think that way.... dark rooms can put me into a sheer panic if my dog isn't with me ( I even taught him to "go look" and he goes in before me and walks to the back room. I figure if there is someone there, hearing me say "go look" and seeing a 110 lb dog "investigating" might help. ). Nightmares are so real that when I wake up I don't know I am awake, or if I was dreaming to begin with.
My counselor is a Christian counselor, so we include that aspect in my therapy... but even though I believe in and try hard to follow after God, I am not in a place where I can call him "Father" and feel comfortable with it.
I am stubborn enough I will make it through -regardless the cause. It is just frustrating to not be able to pinpoint where it is from. Even though logically I know my counselor would NEVER do it... my abandoned self is terrified he will blow off the hurt now as "hormonal"
That may not make sense outside of my head LOL
Yeah I knew where you were coming from ;) and I think it is awesome you are doing so well. I have actually come hundreds of miles compared to where I used to be
I just gave that as kind of an example of how, while I am a Christian I have a hard time trusting God with the hard stuff - when I can't even trust him with the "father" title. My counselor assures me (like Kelly said) that God doesn't need me to affirm him with some certain title, but it is just a personal quest of mine since I never had a dad who loved, protected, etc
I just gave that as kind of an example of how, while I am a Christian I have a hard time trusting God with the hard stuff - when I can't even trust him with the "father" title. My counselor assures me (like Kelly said) that God doesn't need me to affirm him with some certain title, but it is just a personal quest of mine since I never had a dad who loved, protected, etc
I agree with Kelly - figuring out if it's one or the other is nice, but not sufficient. You have what you have in front of you, it's more important to manage what's going on now and when things are calmed down, you can look back to figure out what triggered it all or what you'd do differently. What can you control now? You can't change the past but you can actively work on the "stuff". You may not be able to change anything neurochemically (unless you're on meds, then that can be adjusted), but you can change your behavior/thoughts about the hormones. I believe strongly in empowerment. One may feel more paralized by depression when there's no clear plan of action.
A good book I can recommend on separating out feelings is "The Adult Child's Guide to What's 'Normal'" by Friel. It's written from an Al-Anon perspective but has some really good suggestions on understanding emotions.
A good book I can recommend on separating out feelings is "The Adult Child's Guide to What's 'Normal'" by Friel. It's written from an Al-Anon perspective but has some really good suggestions on understanding emotions.
First ultra: Stone Mill 50 miler 11/15/14 13:44:38, First Full Marathon: Marine Corps 10/27/13 4:57:11, Half Marathon PR 2:04:43 at Shamrock VA Beach Half-Marathon, 12/2/12 First Half-Marathon 2:32:47, 5K PR Run Under the Lights 5K 27:23 on 11/23/13, 10K PR 52:53 Pike's Peek 10K 4/21/13, (1st timed run) Accumen 8K 51:09 10/14/12.
but you can change your behavior/thoughts about the hormones
My counselor would probably do a happy dance and give you a high five for that.... most of his emails and the beginning of our sessions have a "perspective adjustment".
I'll look into that book. An example about how freaked out I get about opinions and feelings: One time my counselor asked me what color the carpet was. I got so worked up I thought I was going to pass out - it was kind of a swirly pattern and could be called blue OR green.
Another time we were talking about something GOOD... some sweet memory or fun I'd had... and he asked me how that made me feel, so I said good. He asked for feeling words and I didn't know, so he gave me a list of words (he loves that list) and he had to talk me back into the room because I mentally just went away I was so stressed and teary-eyed trying to pick the right word
Yes, I know I am certifiably crazy.... but I like my own world, they know me here ;)
My counselor would probably do a happy dance and give you a high five for that.... most of his emails and the beginning of our sessions have a "perspective adjustment".
I'll look into that book. An example about how freaked out I get about opinions and feelings: One time my counselor asked me what color the carpet was. I got so worked up I thought I was going to pass out - it was kind of a swirly pattern and could be called blue OR green.
Another time we were talking about something GOOD... some sweet memory or fun I'd had... and he asked me how that made me feel, so I said good. He asked for feeling words and I didn't know, so he gave me a list of words (he loves that list) and he had to talk me back into the room because I mentally just went away I was so stressed and teary-eyed trying to pick the right word
Yes, I know I am certifiably crazy.... but I like my own world, they know me here ;)
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