Why does it bother me so much?
I don't think Lora is making excuses. I think she is answering your question and telling you why she did not make yet another effort to lose weight right before surgery.
I was not trying to make excuses either, but being very honest with you in explaining why I didn't not try again to lose weight right before surgery. Perhaps you don't like our answers, but they are what they are. Personally, I think sparing myself significant emotional distress and self-loathing is a pretty good reason.
I did not assume that after surgery I would miraculously have the mental, physical and/or emotional ability to follow a program. There was nothing miraculous about it. What I did assume was that after surgery I would feel full on small portions of food, so I would not feel irrationally deprived when I tried to control my portions. I also assumed that the combination of restriction and malabsorption would allow me to see some success with my weight loss efforts, which would prevent the feelings of intense failure and shame when I failed to lose weight in the first few weeks of following a program. and my assumptions proved correct.
I was not trying to make excuses either, but being very honest with you in explaining why I didn't not try again to lose weight right before surgery. Perhaps you don't like our answers, but they are what they are. Personally, I think sparing myself significant emotional distress and self-loathing is a pretty good reason.
I did not assume that after surgery I would miraculously have the mental, physical and/or emotional ability to follow a program. There was nothing miraculous about it. What I did assume was that after surgery I would feel full on small portions of food, so I would not feel irrationally deprived when I tried to control my portions. I also assumed that the combination of restriction and malabsorption would allow me to see some success with my weight loss efforts, which would prevent the feelings of intense failure and shame when I failed to lose weight in the first few weeks of following a program. and my assumptions proved correct.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
" Personally, I think sparing myself significant emotional distress and self-loathing is a pretty good reason."
Yes, a damn good reason for those of us who were already emotionally distressed by the weight and the years of dieting failure...
Lora
Yes, a damn good reason for those of us who were already emotionally distressed by the weight and the years of dieting failure...
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
You asked for a reason and I gave you mine. It was a REASON, not an EXCUSE. At 4 years out and maintaining my loss within 5-7 pounds of my lowest weight, I don't need any excuses for anything, and I don't owe you or anyone else an explanation of why I did not choose to do ANYTHING before surgery.
Perhaps once you actually have your surgery, you will understand how things change. The surgery makes it possible to do things were were NOT able to do on our own.
If you honestly believe you can do it all on your own before surgery, why are you having surgery...?
Lora
Perhaps once you actually have your surgery, you will understand how things change. The surgery makes it possible to do things were were NOT able to do on our own.
If you honestly believe you can do it all on your own before surgery, why are you having surgery...?
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
No worries. I think we ALL go into surgery very discouraged by the loss and gain cycle... it's just a matter of degrees. I have worked with clients who were actually suicidal primarily because of their weight and related issues.
Lora
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
You will find, if you knew me, to be the least judgmental person in the world.
However, life experiences change us all. And I read your post after I had posted several other posts here, and I encourage you to read if you can understand the parts where my cognitive issues get in the way!
I didn't get the benefit of information that is out being shared with each other between these industry medical professionals, but still being withheld from the public.
You have the right to know the truth. Did I love hitting my goal weight, hell yes! And for those who hit it, don't freak when you start gaining some back. Every person I know regains about fifteen pounds, but the key is to not freak, nor obsess. YOur body has to make adjustments at some point after the loss period.
I promise you, what sounds judgmental, should really be called pragmatic. But, I can certainly tell you, how I used to communicate is ll gone because of my permanent brain function damage, and my ability to convey the simplest thought is the hardest thing for me. And I over talk EVERYTHING to death. That is because of the damage.
So, no matter how you feel, please realize my time comes from hoping I help even one person avoid what I did not get the chance to even hear about in 2000. Don't go to the people that make money from what you are interested in. Go look for the balanced place. I am part of antoher group that is all about telling everyone to do a takedown. I feel that isn't my decision to make for anyone anymore than it is my decision to tell someone they should get this done. But people have a misconception of this entire process, even with knowing a lot before, there is no way as you know, until you experience some parts, until you are there and then you are able to go, "oh that is what they meant".
Hard to describe a camera to a person that has never seen one nor a TV, or any reproduction of something. This is much like that. Once in, too late to turn back.
If you could see my photos, my life in photos, the one thing that I loved was my skin. EVeryone always said I had such pretty skin. And I did. Well, you go a decade without the nutrients to feed it, it is now like a crocodile, and my teeth have all rotted out at a pace fifty times that of normal. Right now my left ear has its tinitis (I was a champion speller before too, I can't spell anything anymore so forgive), but anyway, the left rings all fo the time. When my Magnesium gets too low, and my B12, which I didn't finish above to the lady who was a vegan, after the trauma and dropping 30 pounds, I was thankful I had the B12 prescription because when the right ear does its specific type of ring tone from the tinnitus, I take an injection, and Magnesium a few days, and then it will give me a little break.
You read the nose drip already I will assume, above... but all of these things I have to feel like I am always doing a bandaid on. When your brain function can't organize a thought, or remember when ou took what, you find you are almost always taking something. I notice the severe double vision I have developed, (also mentioned above) and then it reminds me to take more E and a list of others I just look and see which ones are for what, and go for it.
I also include Omega 3s, and anything antioxidant. That was something I used to think was just about advertising, but they are real, and matter to our world. So, eat some blueberries! LOL
Everything that goes in, I try to take the time to love my body, my food, and feel like I am loving me when I am eating good things. You can't feel that way when you are eating candy or cake or other things you learn that you can sneak, etc. And isn't it about learning to love yourself as you are in the first place? So I try to look at the food and think the entire time I am eating, I am loving my body and trying to save my life, and maybe I will get some of what I lost back at some point while at it.
So, no judgments here. ONly love for every person who ever had to endure being invisible standing in a room full of people, and knowing that you were just as valuable as they were, more than some even, but you were overlooked, and invisible because you didn't fit the perfect profile of the outside.
People love to see thin people. And they are uncomfortable watching people move carrying excess weight, and so they are all thinking, now that htis industry has made them think this is some no big deal, so they are wondering why you would endure that, when you can just go get it fixed. Clueless!
I love you and want so much more for you than I got, and what you all deserve.
In my humble opinion, this industry has not stepped up and done its job, and they have put a pretense of "caring for the obese people" and pretending that they understand. But just the hiding of the truth they have long known, satisfied that a significant number will die that would never have died, and not because of the surgery, but because they chose to not tell them about a short list of nutrients that if they get deficient in the wrong levels, they are toast because by the time the ER figures it out, or the patient goes in, they are gone. No person should die just because an industry was afraid if they told the truth that they would lose the money support fo the insurance industry. I happen to think we are all smarter than that, and could find a middle ground to solve both issues. No need for a 27 year old to die of a third world disease that could have been stopped within two weeks of a simple IV treatment, but for the industry afraid when everyone feels bad, as we all do at first, they would go asking for that test afraid they might die, and drive costs up.
Ridiculous, and shame on them. Never has a gift been bestowed upon a group already discriminated against, since they gave smallpox ridden blankets to the Indians!
All from this mouth! LOL
However, life experiences change us all. And I read your post after I had posted several other posts here, and I encourage you to read if you can understand the parts where my cognitive issues get in the way!
I didn't get the benefit of information that is out being shared with each other between these industry medical professionals, but still being withheld from the public.
You have the right to know the truth. Did I love hitting my goal weight, hell yes! And for those who hit it, don't freak when you start gaining some back. Every person I know regains about fifteen pounds, but the key is to not freak, nor obsess. YOur body has to make adjustments at some point after the loss period.
I promise you, what sounds judgmental, should really be called pragmatic. But, I can certainly tell you, how I used to communicate is ll gone because of my permanent brain function damage, and my ability to convey the simplest thought is the hardest thing for me. And I over talk EVERYTHING to death. That is because of the damage.
So, no matter how you feel, please realize my time comes from hoping I help even one person avoid what I did not get the chance to even hear about in 2000. Don't go to the people that make money from what you are interested in. Go look for the balanced place. I am part of antoher group that is all about telling everyone to do a takedown. I feel that isn't my decision to make for anyone anymore than it is my decision to tell someone they should get this done. But people have a misconception of this entire process, even with knowing a lot before, there is no way as you know, until you experience some parts, until you are there and then you are able to go, "oh that is what they meant".
Hard to describe a camera to a person that has never seen one nor a TV, or any reproduction of something. This is much like that. Once in, too late to turn back.
If you could see my photos, my life in photos, the one thing that I loved was my skin. EVeryone always said I had such pretty skin. And I did. Well, you go a decade without the nutrients to feed it, it is now like a crocodile, and my teeth have all rotted out at a pace fifty times that of normal. Right now my left ear has its tinitis (I was a champion speller before too, I can't spell anything anymore so forgive), but anyway, the left rings all fo the time. When my Magnesium gets too low, and my B12, which I didn't finish above to the lady who was a vegan, after the trauma and dropping 30 pounds, I was thankful I had the B12 prescription because when the right ear does its specific type of ring tone from the tinnitus, I take an injection, and Magnesium a few days, and then it will give me a little break.
You read the nose drip already I will assume, above... but all of these things I have to feel like I am always doing a bandaid on. When your brain function can't organize a thought, or remember when ou took what, you find you are almost always taking something. I notice the severe double vision I have developed, (also mentioned above) and then it reminds me to take more E and a list of others I just look and see which ones are for what, and go for it.
I also include Omega 3s, and anything antioxidant. That was something I used to think was just about advertising, but they are real, and matter to our world. So, eat some blueberries! LOL
Everything that goes in, I try to take the time to love my body, my food, and feel like I am loving me when I am eating good things. You can't feel that way when you are eating candy or cake or other things you learn that you can sneak, etc. And isn't it about learning to love yourself as you are in the first place? So I try to look at the food and think the entire time I am eating, I am loving my body and trying to save my life, and maybe I will get some of what I lost back at some point while at it.
So, no judgments here. ONly love for every person who ever had to endure being invisible standing in a room full of people, and knowing that you were just as valuable as they were, more than some even, but you were overlooked, and invisible because you didn't fit the perfect profile of the outside.
People love to see thin people. And they are uncomfortable watching people move carrying excess weight, and so they are all thinking, now that htis industry has made them think this is some no big deal, so they are wondering why you would endure that, when you can just go get it fixed. Clueless!
I love you and want so much more for you than I got, and what you all deserve.
In my humble opinion, this industry has not stepped up and done its job, and they have put a pretense of "caring for the obese people" and pretending that they understand. But just the hiding of the truth they have long known, satisfied that a significant number will die that would never have died, and not because of the surgery, but because they chose to not tell them about a short list of nutrients that if they get deficient in the wrong levels, they are toast because by the time the ER figures it out, or the patient goes in, they are gone. No person should die just because an industry was afraid if they told the truth that they would lose the money support fo the insurance industry. I happen to think we are all smarter than that, and could find a middle ground to solve both issues. No need for a 27 year old to die of a third world disease that could have been stopped within two weeks of a simple IV treatment, but for the industry afraid when everyone feels bad, as we all do at first, they would go asking for that test afraid they might die, and drive costs up.
Ridiculous, and shame on them. Never has a gift been bestowed upon a group already discriminated against, since they gave smallpox ridden blankets to the Indians!
All from this mouth! LOL
Can I give you some friendly advice from someone who has been around here for 7 years (but very much on and off)?
This is YOUR journey - it will be different to mine (I only had 3 weeks from thinking about surgery to being on the table - no supervised diets and no liquid diet) and to all those people you are judging on this post ... I applaud you for taking this seriously and hope that you will have a smooth and easy time from here on out - I know I did!
In my years on here, I have seen many many Board Nannies come and go. Those that think they have this all down pat and are on here giving advice as soon as they are out of the hospital. I'm sure you recognise those already!
You will see from my posts that I often recount my experience with this surgery and will say what I have found works for me, but you will rarely see me giving people medical advice because as a former professional, I know how dangerous that is. Without knowing people's medical history, we have no idea what they should be doing or what they are capable of doing - yes, we can share our experiences but I read posts on here all the time which give the impression the contributor is a practising MD!!! I have pointed that out to a few and guess what? I'm blocked!
If you get upset with people NOT doing things your way, this place is going to make your head explode! Some people get off on answering every newbie question and being indepensible; it makes them feel important because I guess they have little else in their lives and maybe you will turn out to be one of those, who knows? But that takes a certain sort of personality and I am guessing you might not have the patience to do this for year after year - I know I don't LOL!!!
Do what you are doing, enjoy your journey and come back and give the benefit of your experience once in a while which may resonate with some newbies far more than judgemental "Why are you not doing this my way" posts!!!!
Kim
This is YOUR journey - it will be different to mine (I only had 3 weeks from thinking about surgery to being on the table - no supervised diets and no liquid diet) and to all those people you are judging on this post ... I applaud you for taking this seriously and hope that you will have a smooth and easy time from here on out - I know I did!
In my years on here, I have seen many many Board Nannies come and go. Those that think they have this all down pat and are on here giving advice as soon as they are out of the hospital. I'm sure you recognise those already!
You will see from my posts that I often recount my experience with this surgery and will say what I have found works for me, but you will rarely see me giving people medical advice because as a former professional, I know how dangerous that is. Without knowing people's medical history, we have no idea what they should be doing or what they are capable of doing - yes, we can share our experiences but I read posts on here all the time which give the impression the contributor is a practising MD!!! I have pointed that out to a few and guess what? I'm blocked!
If you get upset with people NOT doing things your way, this place is going to make your head explode! Some people get off on answering every newbie question and being indepensible; it makes them feel important because I guess they have little else in their lives and maybe you will turn out to be one of those, who knows? But that takes a certain sort of personality and I am guessing you might not have the patience to do this for year after year - I know I don't LOL!!!
Do what you are doing, enjoy your journey and come back and give the benefit of your experience once in a while which may resonate with some newbies far more than judgemental "Why are you not doing this my way" posts!!!!
Kim
Proud Feminist, Atheist, LGBT friend, and Democratic Socialist
This I can understand !!! I wonder did you change your eating habits in those 3 weeks? It's not so much about doing things "MY WAY", it's about not understanding how someone who has decided to have WLS will still go to McDonalds and eat a Big Mac and fries super sized and not think there is a contridiction in mind set.
OK - I was a model RNY'er (in my head LOL) - I followed all the rules, lost 120lbs in less than 7 months, exercised like a demon etc etc and I will be honest and say that I do shake my head at a lot of posts on here ... I think I can probably pick out the people who will be regaining in 2 or 3 years because they never really give up their unhealthy habits and because their surgery is working for them, they think it doesn't matter!
I know what it's been like for me, and I'm still doing pretty well as a vet ... I eat healthily most of the time, I take my vitamins, I exercise at least 5 times a week etc - it really is a lifestyle for me!
However, I was NOT always obese, I don't have food addictions or any mental health issues etc and from reading these forums - I think I am probably in the minority so I really don't think it would be fair to compare my journey with anyone elses - mine was EASY - there, I said it!!!!
I do have some health complications - some of which I had before WLS and some that have come despite WLS ... but they are all manageable and probably impact my life less because I do live healthily!
I think you will probably do really well - and I really do hope that you have as easy a time as I did!!!
ETA: I did The South Beach Diet (recommended by my surgeon) for the three weeks leading up to my surgery
I know what it's been like for me, and I'm still doing pretty well as a vet ... I eat healthily most of the time, I take my vitamins, I exercise at least 5 times a week etc - it really is a lifestyle for me!
However, I was NOT always obese, I don't have food addictions or any mental health issues etc and from reading these forums - I think I am probably in the minority so I really don't think it would be fair to compare my journey with anyone elses - mine was EASY - there, I said it!!!!
I do have some health complications - some of which I had before WLS and some that have come despite WLS ... but they are all manageable and probably impact my life less because I do live healthily!
I think you will probably do really well - and I really do hope that you have as easy a time as I did!!!
ETA: I did The South Beach Diet (recommended by my surgeon) for the three weeks leading up to my surgery
Proud Feminist, Atheist, LGBT friend, and Democratic Socialist
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