OT- rambling and depressed

 Kelly, sorry your having a hard time right now, but maybe you could look into volunteering with children with disabilities or in a nursing home. That way it gets you out of the house and you feel part of something and it should help with the depression. Also I would look at the vitamins you are taking. As a nursing student (almost finished...Yay!) I do know if you are not getting the correct supplements your homeostasis will be off and can effect your mood. Best of luck to you. Crissie

I wi**** was as simple as vitamins but I get labs done every six months and they are fine.  My B12 is around 1200, my vitamin D is around 140, everything else that is likely to contribute to depression is fine too.

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to say that I feel you, I feel the same way, and I wish I had answers to help, only can say that I'm in the same boat as you.  

Kelly, I have had the same issues. Someone told me that I would get beyond those feelings if I got out and helped others. Well, I started with helping my extended family and haven't managed to get away from them yet!

Now that I have had surgery I am developing my bucket list. I want to do things that I have never before thought of doing because of my weight. One of the things I want to do is become a volunteer guide at one of our lovely Denver museums. Another is take a hot air balloon ride (I am afraid of heights, so it should be fun!) I had considered skydiving, but quickly erased it! I love books and have always wanted to write a novel -- who knows? Maybe I'll keep that on my list. And one of the first things I want to do is to get back to my ballroom dance class. I felt so beautiful doing a ******y rumba!

Anyway, you are a blessing and I will keep you in my prayers.

Much affection,

Hattie

I have a bucket list, but I am reluctant to even talk about it because I feel like the things on it, or at least a lot of the things on it, are things that will never be able to happen for me due to the depression.

Like, I would love to become a foster parent, and I think my partner and I would make great foster parents, but I don't think it's realistic to do for us for a couple of reasons.  One is simply financial.  The state pays a small stipend for foster parents but I don't think it's really enough to provide well for a child.  But beyond that, what do I do if I have a foster child and the depression gets really bad?

I would like to hike the Appalachian trail.  Maybe not all of it, but a good part of it.  Not just a one day hike but a long hike.  I'm not in the physical shape to do that right now, but I could train for it.  I'm not sure my back would let me, though.  I'm not sure I could carry a pack very far.  And again, what about the depression?  Yeah, I could take all my meds with me, but still... I just don't know if that would be possible.

I like the idea of fostering a child.  If the depression gets you during that time, the child will be cared for by your partner or someone else.  If the child is in foster care, being moved from one loving foster parent to another loving foster parent won't be the worse thing to have happened to the child.  But who knows?  A foster child (or children) might keep you so busy that the depression won't get so bad.  You just won't know unless you try.  You might be surprised, my dear.    At least you will know with certainty if you can or can not continue as a foster parent.

As for that hike on the Appalachian trail -- count me out!  I can't even recommend such torture!  But, seriously, would a "walk for the cure", or some other type of mini-marathon be easier on your body?  It would still be a great accomplishment with less wear and tear on your body. 

I believe that we must have goals if life is going to be fun and meaningful.  And, as my mom says, nothing fails but failing to try.

(Remember what I've said because you might have to feed this back to me on one of MY down days.        )

Talk with you tomorrow,

Hattie

Fostering???? I have done it and if you get a child that has disabilities the pay goes up considerably. That may be a good option if you really want to foster. Me I'm done with that aspect of life and am now into raising all these crazy grandkids that keep showing up at my house saying hi pop pop

If I recall correctly, you have chronic pain from your back, is that right? I know you know that constant pain takes a huge toll on you mentally. As I read your original post, I kept thinking of ways to help you but reminded myself that maybe the best thing I can offer is support and compassion. As other have said, your knowledge and willingness to share has helped so many of us here. You are very appreciated, I assure you. Because of that, I think we all want to rush in and rescue you just to be able to reciprocate in some way.

When I was a little girl, I remember watching a movie about a bunch of women in the Old West who were traveling across the country in a wagon train to go to California. They were planning on meeting men who had gone there earlier for the gold rush and were looking for husbands. One of the women had just lost her husband. She had one or two children already and was pregnant with another. En route, she went into labor. To add to the suspense, her particular wagon had a broken axle or wheel (maybe it had a flat....) but she was so far along in her labor, they didn't want to move her. Several of the other women propped up the wagon and held it until she delivered. I have friends that I call my "wagon women" because we've been through many really hard times together. We've lost family members, had troubles with our kids, moved away from each other....but we have that deep connection that time nor geography can erode or erase.

Kelly, can we be your wagon women (and men)? I think we would all be honored.

I am so sorry you have been suffering with this for so long. I wish I had some advice but I too suffer from depression and know when it's bad it's just so hard to go on. I can only let you know how much you help with the valuable posts you write. It is a blessing to have you on this site.

I hope you find some light in your day tomorrow and maybe just maybe it can last for more than just a moment.

Christine

 Excema!  Woo hoo!

I'm on disability too, due to constant migraines.  I've been working on my master's, focusing on writing for children and young adults.  (The social security judge was a bit harsh: "I understand you've been writing BOOKS!"  I was totally upfront about my writing and school, and explained that by doing it mostly online I can work when I feel well enough.  I did get approved.  If I ever make any money, it'll be deducted from my disability.)  

I agree with the poster who suggested an online class.  Here's what I'm doing:  McDaniel College online Graduate Certificate in Writing for Children and YA.  I'm applying the 5 WCYA classes to a master's degree, but this means taking a few classes on campus.  

Our instructors are editors or published authors.  My current instructor is an editor at Harper Collins Children's.  Another one was an editor at Penguin.