when do you start to Love yourself?

In addition to what others said, I just wanted to tell you that the surgery does NOT physically take care of your addiction. It makes it harder to practice your addiction, yes, but addictions don't reside in the body. Not any of it. It MANIFESTS through the body. But addictions live in your psyche and mind. That's the ONLY place they can be managed. Unfortunately, I am of the opinion that addictions are incurable. It's sort of like cancer in remission. You hope that you've fought it back enough that it doesn't flare up but it's sort of always there.

But that doesn't mean you can't find happiness. It just means there's a good deal of work ahead of you. I concur with what everyone else has said. Therapy has worked wonders for me. Just learning to talk about my feelings instead of holding them in has done wonders. And being here has too. People here really do understand things about you that nobody else does or will.

Hugs. I connect with your post so much because you have the maturity to articulate what I felt so early post op but could not put into words.

Ok, so maybe I am a bit defensive because I am so early in my therapy, (3 months) but I wasnt expecting all the "get in therapy" comments.  My therapist recommends me to journal my thoughts and feelings,  and join support groups, etc.  and I guess I was looking for support, not vets assuming I needed to get into therapy.  With that being said.,  from my understanding, you gain weight b/c you eat more calories in a day than you need, or can burn off.  I need to lose about 100 lbs.  I feel that I have completely let myself into my addiction.  Especially after my lap band failure, that totally made me dive into food.  (after dieting, following my dr.s orders, etc) and than gain back what little weight I did lose.  So, to be 150-200 lbs overweight, how do you say you are not a food addict?   Is there something I don't understand??  I totally understand that there are different reasons why people medicate with food.  But I dont understand how someone can be that heavy but not have food issues?  If you overeat at most of your meals, arent you a food addict? I thought emotional eating was also a form of food addiction?  You're eating to numb pain or make yourself happy? I know I have a lot to learn & my therapy is helping me.  But with my therapy, its just me and her in a room.  I'm curious as to others with  this situation.   And I apologize in advance, but Kelly please don't reply to any of my posts.  I felt that you were wrong to judge me with one post and now you have a food addiction "poll" b/c you are just curious about food addiction?  No, I mistakenly assumed most of us have or have had food addiction and obviously struck a nerve with you so you're trying to prove a point by posting a poll.   I was looking for support and others ideas.  Not  a vet trying to bully or humiliate me from the message boards by making me feel more insecure and inadequate.

 I think Nik gave you an awesome description of food addiction.  [edited to add that Nik DID have a description, but removed it...]  She comes from the addict camp, if you will.  I come from the non-addict emotional eater camp.  I was somewhat overweight in my teens and early adulthood, but I did not hit the MO category until I gained a huge amount of weight in a very short period of time after a major traumatic event.  A second trauma about 8 years ago meant even more weight gain, landing me in the SMO category with BMI of 57.

I ate to soothe grief and loneliness.  I ate to comfort myself when sadness and emotional pain was almost unbearable.  I ate to distract myself when various kinds of memories of the traumatic events kept tormenting me.  It was a coping mechanism, but it was not an addiction.  If I had not been taking a medication that made it dangerous to drink alcohol, I could just have easily (and happily) have used booze.  If I had any idea where to buy drugs (LOL), it could just as easily have been cocaine or pot or heroine or OxyContin.  It was about making unbearable psychic pain bearable.  The food was not the obsession in my life... the traumas were.  I never ate in secret (although I spent a lot of time alone) or lied about or tried to hide what I was eating.... it never impacted other areas of my life (other than my health, eventually)... I did not spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about, planning what, how, and when I would or could eat, etc.

Hopefully, that helps clarify the difference between my use of food and Nik's.  

Lora

Oh no!  I didn't get to read it before it was gone~  shoot!  But now I am seeing a difference between different types of food issues.  And I'm even more sure I'm an addict.  I have no trauma or feelings i'm trying to stuff or cope through.  I guess thats how I got into therapy.  I have a wonderful husband, great kids, not worrying about how to pay bills, great job..etc, but I couldn't understand why I was still unhappy and continuing to eat the way I do.  I definately eat in the car, hide meals, my morning thoughts (after breakfast) are about lunch, lunch thoughts are about dinner, etc.  The driving force in my life is food.  AND I have a terrible sweet tooth.  I want sweets after every single thing I eat.  I should be about 1000 lbs, but somehow have stayed around 250.  Maybe b/c I'm a nanny and i'm active.  To be completely honest, if my food addiction didn't make me fat, I would NEVER want to stop.  I love to eat, it makes me happy.  So thats where my questioning lies with, what do u do to replace it? how do you get over it......  I need other food addicts to tell me how they've gotten thru it those first few months. 

Yeah I posted that and thought, "Is that the kind of information I want to make public about myself?" Not so much. I share about it but putting things on the internet is a whole different monster.

 That's what I figured.  I have done the same thing myself.

Lora

And I apologize in advance, but Kelly please don't reply to any of my posts. I felt that you were wrong to judge me with one post and now you have a food addiction "poll" b/c you are just curious about food addiction? No, I mistakenly assumed most of us have or have had food addiction and obviously struck a nerve with you so you're trying to prove a point by posting a poll. I was looking for support and others ideas. Not a vet trying to bully or humiliate me from the message boards by making me feel more insecure and inadequate.


That was meant for Poet Kelly, not the other Kelly.  Sorry for any confusion.  Her posts have nothing positive so I blocked her.   Hope ya'll dont think I'm a ***** but I'm negative enough on myself, I don't need her helping me.

Just a suggestion...take it or leave it.

If you don't want to respond to Kelly's posts and don't want her to respond to yours you can block her. That way she can't see you and you can't see her and you can't interact with each other.

I know in the past I've been reactive in posting whole other threads in response to something someone said that affected me.Chances are, if you stick around, you'll eventually do it too.

I don't find her original post to you that offensive but understand that we each draw different meanings from messages. I hope that you'll take anything anyone says here with a grain of salt. Sometimes the truth is a bit harsh, but that's what most of us - and especially Kelly since she's been here - try to do. Because as much as you've been negative on yourself you've probably coddled yourself in equal measure. I know I did before surgery. For every negative thought I'd shelter myself with some sort of delusion, excuse or justification. The truth cuts through that and you FEEL it. Which is why we're so very reactive to it.

Give what I said some thought. I hope you stick around. This place can be a great help if you let it. And the people here, including Kelly, are a wealth of resources.

I think that many of us have used food to deal with feelings. That is not the same as being an addict.

As Lora pointed out, some WLSers have some sort of sexual abuse in their pasts. I would add that many of us probably dealt with our pain by eating. I think it is quite possible to be 150-200 pounds overweight and not be a food addict.

My surgery weight was 310 pounds. Before surgery,  I would have days when I could practice portion control and fuel my body with nutritious food. I would also have days when I ate to deal with boredom, anxiety, lonliness, depression, and stress. Sometimes I overate because something tasted good--even though my stomach told me it had had enough.

As to your original question: That is a very individual process. There are WLSers who were happy people before surgery. It is quite common to go through a phase of wild hormones after surgery and feel very emotional. It happened to me.

I try to be happy day by day and be thankful that my health is improving.