Trigger Foods and Food as Punishment / comfort

Tonight I had the perfect storm for my binge tendencies. I bought a bag of miniature chocolates for my team at work because I knew today would be insanely busy and stressful for them. I did it knowing chocolate is a trigger food for me.
Then I had CPR training. 4 weeks ago today (2/2) I performed CPR on a coworker for 15 minutes and he passed away. having CPR training was not on my list of exciting things to do. I left the training stressed and anxious. First I went and sat in my truck for a little while to just unwind. I thought I was ok but when I got to my desk I grabbed a couple of Hershey miniature candy bars (food for "comfort"). Previously, 2 candy bars (minis) would feel like the life had been sucked out of me, but I felt fine. I know it isn't logical, but I felt fine and it infuriated me. So I kept eating. I ate five of the small candy bars with no effect. (food for punishment).
Later in the night I ate FIVE more (punishment).

So....
I emailed my counselor and we are going to talk about doing a "contract" about eating (chocolate = binge for me still, evidently) and using food as punishment. Basically, it will boil down to I can have a treat (1-2 pieces of chocolate) but if I want more I have to contact him first. So tonight after the first candy, when I wanted more, I would email him and tell him I was wanting to eat more chocolate even though I'd had my one piece. Maybe I would tell him "I had CPR training and it really made me feel like I HAD to have some chocolate, and now one doesn't seem like enough". And then I won't eat chocolate again until I hear from him.
I don't know... it worked in the past for some pretty dangerous coping mechanisms that I used, so maybe it will help this time too?


I am absolutely terrified of failing. I am just beginning to live.

If that type of contract worked well for you in the past, then I'd think chances are good it would work for this, too.  But I am also wondering, if chocolate is a trigger food for you right now, if you even want to say you can have one piece.  Will it be too hard to stop at one piece?  Would it be easier to have none?  And I don't think that necessarily means none ever, but none for now?

That's why I do not buy Cheezits.  I cannot eat just a few.  Maybe some day I'll be able to, and I guess the only way to know for sure would be to buy some and see, but right now I feel  pretty sure I could get more than half a box down over the course of one day.  So I'm just not buying any.

It has worked in the past and I am always, even embarassingly, honest with my counselor... so I would refuse the additional candy. However, he agrees that buying chocolate is too much of a temptation and to have it there in front of me would just drive the deprivation / binge cycle.  So I will move the remaining chocolate to my friend's desk with instructions to hide it from me.

 Wow 10 pieces of miniture chocolate bars in one day huh. That would be enough to send me over the edge feeling ill as a pre-op.  I can't imagine the sugar and caffine from the chocolate as a post-op. But we all have foods that we really shouldn't bother with...ever.

Take me for instance, two nights in a row THIS WEEK I went on Jack-N-the-Box late night meal runs, you might even want to call them binges because they were like at 1am.  Although the meals were like my 3rd or maybe 4th meal for the day,  the point is they were late night meals, and 2 nights in a row, I had FRIES!!!! GREASY FRIES!. The first night I had a burger and fries!!!!! The second night I had 3 fish nuggets and fries.

Now, given I shared about 1/2 to 3/4the of each meal with my dog giving her pretty much most of the fries (I had like 2 mouth fulls), and most of the bread for the buger, but the point is that fries are a slippery slope for me.  I just don't think I should ever purchase them more than 6 times a year (notice that I'm not ready to part with them completely). I'm going to tell myself that I can only have 1 order of small fries every 2 months so I that I don't feel deprived. I'm 4 months out, and I haven't really bothered with fries in 4 months, so I guess the craving caught up with me. 

Feeling deprived as a pre-op when I was on weigh****chers led to me eating 8 pieces of costco cake (cut into squares) over the course of an 8 hour work day period. The cake was for my patients, and as I served them, I'd eat a slice. At the end of the day, I couldn't believe what I had done. I believe it was from deprivation because I never ever ate 8 pieces of cake when i wasn't dieting. 

I'm still deciding if my late night Jack-in-the-box runs were for comfort or "Just because". Thankfully, it is 11:30pm and I'm in the bed with a protein shake next to me, so I would imagine no late night runs tonight, but tomorrow I must buy decent food to keep in the house.  Deprivation has always caused me problems!

oh yeah... pre-op it was NOTHING for me to eat 3 full sized candy bars because I couldn't decide which kind I wanted, and usually at least one of those was a "king sized" bar.
   I willmove the chocolate and not buy more... I can't afford to mess this up. 

  I do know I use food for emotional reasons, so my counselor said we will pursue that more. Yuck.    ;)

we had surgery the same day.  I can't imagine trying a fry.  I think i would swoon.  I have steered clear of all fast food joints (even with my 10 year old.  she gts her stuff and i keep on driving).  

Good luck.  Sounds like you at least have a plan of how to cope with your trigger.  

I am hoping that by just saying no (like a drug, for me) the cravings will just stop

First of all - a trigger will still be a trigger for you, contract or no.  Being accountable to someone else might help you have a little bit more willpower - but the attraction will still be there.

Removing the trigger will be your best bet.  It's easier for me to not BUY something, than it is to not EAT something once I've purchased it.  I'm bad with Cheezits too...  and I have eaten half the box over the course of a day or two.  Pita chips are the same way for me...

Full sugar candy used to be my drug of choice.  I can stare it down now and walk away unscathed - because I haven't eaten it since before surgery.  Put a bowl of Cheezits in front of me, or some Cheerios and before too long I'm shoveling them down my throat - because I've eaten them and HAVE those cravings for them.

I guess my point is that to abstain totally gives you more self control.  And in order to abstain you need to not have access to the items period.  I liken it to an alcoholic or a drug addict - although maybe not quite so extreme.  I wouldn't expect a recovering addict to say they can have just one drink, or just one hit... And I have to consider that when I purchase items thinking I can control myself with them...

This is hard, and I wish you luck.  It's something I have to battle as well!

you are right - during the time I haven't had chocolates around I never had temptations or cravings.  If I thought I would enjoy chocolate, I had a chocolate protein shake or Quest.
 Having that bag of chocolate  hanging there triggered my "I MUST HAVE CHOCOLATE" thoughts, and that coupled with the anxiety  of the evening was just more than I could take. Not fair to put myself in that position.

I'm with the others, trigger foods aren't purchased- that way I don't have the option of binging.

What about switching to a 98% cacao chocolate if you MUST have chocolate. I personally, gave up sugar and grains because I can't "just have 1 or 2" and it's been much easier to give them up completely then trying to just have a few pieces.

This isn't easy, but I'm glad to hear that you are working with someone on this, you'll get there.

I think the best lesson this surgery taught me is to not beat myself up. If I mess up- in a few hours there will be another meal and I get another chance to make things right.

Best of Luck to ya,
:Danni

Thanks! Actually, reading posts here about a mistake is not complete failure is what kept me sane last night... I was in a borderline panic. 

  In the past, chocolate protein shakes have been more than enough to keep the cravings away, so I will go back that route.  

  I have avoided anything but whole wheat wraps because I know the garlic cheese bread I have been craving would send me over the edge for carb cravings! I just have to do the same with chocolate now, I suppose