Tried talking to my Hubby and Mom about if I die in surgery

I have 4 kids getting them all to leave us alone is hard so they all ran outside to play and my mom was at the kitchen table hubby in the family room. I stood by the sink and said we have to talk about something really quick while the kids are outside. They just looked at me. I said look if I die in surgery or after you guys need to take care of the kids together. Mom I want you to move here and help him for at least a year. My husband knows I want him to find a wife to help with our 4 amazing kids and he has agreed he would want a new wife because we are so young he wouldn't want to live alone. Sad thoughts but reality. They both told me be quiet and the other said shut up! My mom said shut up HAHA they said I am not going to die and I said I am not planning on it but I need to plan in case something goes wrong. I plan on laying down on that hospital bed telling my surgeon let's do this and drifting off to sleep knowing that my mom and husband got everything covered should anything go wrong. I don't even really have to worry about this they are such a wonderful support system for me I shouldn't worry about my kids I just do I am a mom that is my job.

So did they agree to your plan?  or did they just tell you to shut up?

It is important to consider that you may suffer some complication and may not come back home.  Or in fact go back home to God.  It is the same with any major surgery.

I updated my will and medical power of attorney too prior to WLS.  It was an important precaution.

Judy

I did the same with my husband and adult daughter's, told my hubby I wanted him to be happy above all and he was to find someone he could spend the rest of his life with and I told my daughter's that their dad deserved the best in life and they were to be extra special nice to whom ever he chose.
They all went hea,hea,hea whatever....

This is a scary topic for people to discuss and accept as reality. My family doesn't know this but the night before my surgery I couldn't sleep so I stayed up and wrote them a letter. I wrote in it that I knew there was a chance I might die, that I knew God would take care of me so not to worry, and that I made this decision myself so to improve my life and that they should not blame themselves if i do die. I eventually fell asleep, feeling better about the fact that I'd written the letter and left it where my family might find it if I never returned home. As soon as I got home from the hospital I hid the letter so my parents wouldn't see it. I only wanted them to see it if something went wrong.

Perhaps you should write them a letter letting them know how serious you are about this issue. Also, it might put your mind at ease writing out your thoughts. It made me feel better and ran off any doubts I might have had about the surgery.

Michelle, I think it makes perfect sense to have that talk.  It's very unlikely that you would die during surgery but the truth is, occasionally people do.  For that matter, you could die in a car wreck on your way to the hospital to have surgery.  I think it makes sense to face the reality that none of us knows how much time we have or what might happen.  I've had a will, living will, power of attorney, all that stuff, since I was in my 20's.  Most young people don't think about that but unfortunately young people do sometimes die.  Once you face the reality and do what you need to do and say what you need to say, then you can look ahead without worrying about the what ifs.

I have had this talk often with my husband and adult children the younger children I have not. I have written everyone I love a letter though. I lost my dad when I was 15 and I was angry for a long time and I had a lot of questions about whether or not he loved me. It screwed me up big time and took a lot of counseling to get over. I never want my kids to have any questions about my love for them or anything else. I update these letters once a year to be more age appropriate or whenever there is a major life event so they know they are "new".

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE!!!!!! There are so many other common surgeries that are far more likely statistically to cause your death than RNY. You probably have a greater chance of dieing driving to the hospital. Put dieing out of your mind it is not going to happen.    

 I really need to get the power of attorney and all that done. Before surgery I extracted promises from my loved ones to take care of my cat and gave them my banking info. I meant to write letters to my children and should have followed through, but it was all so rushed at the last minute, and I couldn't decide what to say. Anyway, I felt better for having made some arrangements. I tried to get short-term life insurance but it doesn't work that way.

We never know, but when the odds of dying rise a fraction, it's good to be prepared. I think it's your family's job to pooh-pooh you, tell you to hush up, say you're being silly. It's your job to say it anyway.

I had a similar conversation with my father (I'm single) because my mother would have a complete melt down if I mentioned it to her since she "doesn't want to live without me". My father is pretty level-headed and said don't worry we'll take care of your dog and everything else. In fact, he was so non-chalant about it I was like "hey Dad, you know I'm serious right?" LOL

I am single with no kids but I wrote everything out because I knew my family wouldn't hear it from me. I made a list of phone numbers and emails of people they may not think to notify, and noted insurances they may not be aware of and how I wanted the funds used after funeral expenses and estate expenses.