Friends after surgery (just a vent)

 I understand where you are coming from........When going out with my friends they are fully aware of my situation and most of the time if it involves going out to eat I pass because to me its not even worth it....The only time I go out to eat sometimes its with my hubby and whatever I don't eat he will eat it...I am very picky and I don't really eat that much...
I lost a number of friends since my surgery sometimes because I believe I am no longer the "fat friend" if you know what I mean. But you have to look at it from their perspective as well, we chose to have the surgery so we have to take responsibility for ourselves and our needs...Its funny my husband is always on me about bringing stuff to eat because I don't like most of the options available at restaurants and its true....I will be taking my kids down the shore for a week and you best believe I will be packing food and snacks I can tolerate...Maybe you should look into protein snacks that you can just throw into a bag and go....Kay's Naturals are pretty good, gluten free, good amount of protein, and low calories & carbs...just a thought...
But remember this just like your friends place themselves before you, you must learn to place yourself before your friends...Good Luck :)

You are responsible for you...with that being said, there are many options that you could have explored/used. In the future, plan ahead. Just some advice, I take the small snack size ziploc bags and put a scoop of Syntrax nectars inside...bottled water is usually available and you can just dump the protein mix into the water and know that you are getting something that is good for you.

Make sure to take care of you first!

As for your friends trying to convince you to drink alcohol, I am assuming that they were already drinking and maybe their judgement was impaired...especially when you declined several times.

Sometimes it is so hard for others to understand your special needs even though you may have told them about your restrictions and dietary preferences.

Speaking from experience here I have learned that I must be the flexable one and can not expect others to accommodate and take care of me. I never never ever ever go to a party,  vacation, road trip or anywhere without my own food. It does not have to be in a cooler, beef jerky, pudding cups, pouches of chicken/tuna, and a jar of peanut butter are always with me. and at a restaurant I order off the menu pretty much every time I make special requests ask for things to be grilled, steamed, no sauce/ cheese (whatever insanity I come up with) Even at McDonald's  and have never had anyone give me any grief about it.

I have learned that my family and friends want to eat fried chicken, burgers, and fast food they don't want to eat the "diet" food I eat and they don't want to cook it or mess with it and that is fine I would not expect them to. 

Maybe look at things from their prespective, they were on vacation and wanted to eat what ever the wanted, it takes alot of work trying to feed a group of people and you can't make everyone happy so maybe forgive them and next time plan, plan, plan so you will have the food you need, be able to enjoy your self and not feel left out.

Hugs, best wishes, and forgive your friends I am sure they had no intention of making you feel so left out

I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you. I remember when I was in my 20s I lived a more carefree lifestyle and would not have understood this surgery well enough.  To avoid the alcohol pressure you can offer to be the designated driver.  Going forward you can put a bag of almonds in your backpack so that you will have something.  If eating out at a restaurant you can always get tuna.  I did see in Walmart they had a to go Bumble Bee tuna thing that had a 2.5 oz pouch, 6 crackers, light mayo, a napkin, and spoon. 

I went away this weekend with friends too but they were very understanding (4 of them are RNs and Nirse Practitioners). 

Keep your head up because you made a proactive decision on your life and are heading on the right track now to being a healthier person.

 See... here is the thing... I have never had a problem finding something to eat at a group event.  My stomach is somewhat sensitive.  I can't have lactose, whey, and meats can be iffy.  But I can tear apart a taco, have some chili or eat a little steak.  I can have a bunless burger or I can eat half a hotdog, sans bun.  Even snack stands will have something I can eat if I'm hungry.  I also bring nuts with me, just in case.

I understand the alcohol thing.  I have friends who are very disappointed that I won't drink with them.  However,  I'm at least 3 months out from even attempting alcohol, and it isn't an option right now.  

I'm not sure what was going on with your friends, but some of it was you.  I've been in my 20's, and I recall that there was pressure to drink.  But the best answer was always a simple no.  "I will have another bottle of water, though!"  After all the drama, you won't have these friends anymore, so it's a moot point.  They'll all have thought that you've changed since your surgery.  You'll keep thinking they were inconsiderate.  

Take a break.  

Maybe I hung out with atypical people, I don't know.  When I was in my 20's, my friends did not pressure me to drink.  None of them were real big drinkers, either, but when alcohol was around, they would offer me some and if I said no thanks, that was the end of it.  I don't really get why people would feel strongly about wanting other people to drink.   I don't really care what my friends eat or drink.  I offer them what I am having but don't push them to take it if they decline.

We'd go tubing on the Apple River, and the entire point was to get completely smashed on beer.  Or, at science fiction conventions, we'd hang out at the bar with the sole intention to get schnockered enough to write naughty poetry.  

In law school, we'd go to keggers on the weekend, and drinking was the only thing we had in common except for Professor Younger's insane rantings in Property which always sounded funnier after a beer or three.

It was a culture of drinking.  I drank far less than most of the people around me.  As I got older, I drank significantly less, and they all either sobered up or ended up in treatment.  I stopped drinking as a regular thing about five years ago (except for the ocassional glass of wine), and after my hysterectomy, the hotflashes kept me from drinking at all.

But I totally get the peer pressure thing.  

 I am like Kelly. I think that's why I can't exactly put myself in her shoes. But I do get peer pressure in general. In my life it was pressure to eat unhealthfully. I love my people. I joke that I thank God every day I was born black! Our food is AMAZING. But in traditional preparations very unhealthy. Nobody ever made accommodations for me and as I got smaller the elders hollered about me needing to eat this or that to counteract getting "too skinny." That was rough too. But you can find ways to graciously be firm and assert the fact that you need to do your thing. 

It's hard but as the prophet Jupiter_6 ;) teaches us - WE CAN DO HARD THINGS. (Tried to find the original post but OH search function sucks!)

Ok forgive me but I think you sort of put yourself in that situation a little bit.

You said your friends encouraged you to drink and eat "bad things." Even though they asked questions pre-op doesn't mean they'll remember everything you told them. Even my mom was confused about what I could and could not have post-op and at times offered me stuff I could not have. Even if it was intentional goading, you only really need say "No thanks guys. That stuff isn't on my plan so I really can't have it." And you may have to say it a few more times until they GET it.

Also, think about it. Our RULES are sort of confusing to someone who doesn't live this life every day. So instead of expecting them to know what you can eat, encourage them to simply tell you what they plan to offer and ask you if you can eat it. Don't expect them to have your eating plan and needs memorized. That's not goign to happen.

But what I meant about you putting yourself in a situation is that you weren't FORCED to eat fried foods. You did not make accommodations for yourself. You are one person amongst a group of people who are non-ops. It is a much better idea for YOU to bring food for YOU then expecting them to make something to accommodate you. Yes, it would be nice if they did so but in the end what you eat is your responsibility.

I don't necessarily think they were being bad friends (but then I don't know the whole situation or history). I think perhaps they may have been a bit unprepared or insensitive. But they are human just like you are. And the whole world doesn't revolve around your process, so just keep that in mind. You may have to gently remind people of what you need. And you may have to be insistent on getting what you need sometimes. But that's on YOU to say not them to assume.

For next time, as you are planning an outing you might ask, "hey I need stuff that's low-carb, low-sugar. Will anyone be bringing any of those kinds of dishes or should I bring stuff of my own?" Also when you are going out to a restaurant with friends, speak up! If they suggest a place, research the menu (either online or call and ask for a menu to be faxed to you. Most places will do this.) If it's a place with few choices, express your wish to find a better place to go.

But that research, that effort is mostly going to be on you, I'm afraid. You had surgery, not them. And like I said, it'd be nice of them to do that for you, but it isn't something you should expect. And what it sounds like to me is that you are hurt because you had expectations that were not met.

we can suggest researching restaurants ahead of time and to carry things along.

I am guessing this young woman and her friends were not in a situation where researching restaurants was a possibility.  They may have been winging it each day.  Jumped onto a motorcycle and went to a lake or beach spur of th moment.  When they were hungry for lunch, they just chose the closest place.

Since they are in their 20s the non-bariatric friends may have not cared about a healthy menu.  Plus they may have been drinking all day and you can't expect your drunk friends to remember things you told them while sober.

I have totally been there 10-15 years ago.