Friends after surgery (just a vent)
This is more of a vent..
My friends have known i had surgery..they asked questions before during and after..so i didnt think we'd have any problems going out... we went to the beach this past weekend and they were so inconsiderate and kepy trying to get me to drink alcohol or eat bad things..the thing that got me was when it was time to eat not ONE time did they try to accomodate me or even ask so i had to fend for myself...i basically was forced to eat fried pieces of fried food and yogurt the whole weekend ..
It really hurt my feelings and this is just a vent..because of this I had a horrible time..there will come a time where i'll let them know how i felt but now is not the time.
I'm 2m post op so any newbies out there be careful with your "friends" or associates...unless they have been through it they will not be able to understand how to accomodate your needs when going out..etc. I think mines were just being selfish and didnt care because they were full aware and still chose to not accomodate me food wise or anything.
I honestly believe this them my friendship because I cannot see myself ever going out with them again or subjecting my self to selfish people..PERIOD.
My friends have known i had surgery..they asked questions before during and after..so i didnt think we'd have any problems going out... we went to the beach this past weekend and they were so inconsiderate and kepy trying to get me to drink alcohol or eat bad things..the thing that got me was when it was time to eat not ONE time did they try to accomodate me or even ask so i had to fend for myself...i basically was forced to eat fried pieces of fried food and yogurt the whole weekend ..
It really hurt my feelings and this is just a vent..because of this I had a horrible time..there will come a time where i'll let them know how i felt but now is not the time.
I'm 2m post op so any newbies out there be careful with your "friends" or associates...unless they have been through it they will not be able to understand how to accomodate your needs when going out..etc. I think mines were just being selfish and didnt care because they were full aware and still chose to not accomodate me food wise or anything.
I honestly believe this them my friendship because I cannot see myself ever going out with them again or subjecting my self to selfish people..PERIOD.
Height: 5'9 Hw: 285 Sw: 272 Cw: 167 Surg. goal: 165
1m: -20 2m: :-18 3m:-10
4m:-12 5m:8 6m:-4 7m:-3 8m-10:-28
Yea the whole trip was a disaster for other reasons..but yes i have other friends who will be more considerate im sure..
but then again i was for SURE these 2 friends would..i guess that goes to show you NEVER really know a person until something happens.
Height: 5'9 Hw: 285 Sw: 272 Cw: 167 Surg. goal: 165
1m: -20 2m: :-18 3m:-10
4m:-12 5m:8 6m:-4 7m:-3 8m-10:-28
Did you take your own food so you could have foods you can eat? I take foods I can eat to social events so I know what is in them. I am sorry you had a miserable weekend. I do understand your hoping others think about your restrictions. I have a friend that doesn't eat any dairy so if the event is at my home, I always make sure to not use dairy or make something like mashed potatoes with and without it so she can eat. Another will go to the hospital due to an allergy to mangos so I make sure there are no mangos in the fruit dishes. Perhaps in time your friends will become more sensitive to your needs.
Banded Oct 2008: 290
RNY Feb 2012: 245
Dr's set goal: 170 reached Oct 11, 2012
My goal: 160 reached Dec 1, 2012
Today : 145-150
I am half the person I was in 2008.
I ran into a smiliar situation this weekend at our family cookout. Some people kept trying to get me to eat things that I knew I couldn't tolerate. As it was I ate things I thought I could tolerate and got sick anyway. Go figure!
There are times when you find out who your real friends are and apparently your trip to the beach was one of those times. Real friends wouldn't have tried to undermine you that way. I am nearly two months out myself and facing a trip away from home for two nights. I plan to take my own food and have already requested a refrigerator be put in my room at the hotel. I don't want to risk dumping or any other discomfort while on my trip.
Good luck in your WLS journey!
Rebecca
There are times when you find out who your real friends are and apparently your trip to the beach was one of those times. Real friends wouldn't have tried to undermine you that way. I am nearly two months out myself and facing a trip away from home for two nights. I plan to take my own food and have already requested a refrigerator be put in my room at the hotel. I don't want to risk dumping or any other discomfort while on my trip.
Good luck in your WLS journey!
Rebecca
I'm sorry you had a bad time and your friends were inconsiderate.
I'm wondering why you didn't make plans to take care of yourself. I don't see how you were forced to eat fried food and yogurt the whole weekend. Why couldn't you bring food with you? Why couldn't you buy food there that was suitable for your needs?
I don't think it's true that your friends will not be able to understand how to accommodate your needs when going out unless they've been through WLS. Most of my friends and family members have not been through WLS and they are reasonably accommodating.
However, they don't always know what my limitations or needs are. So if they suggest going to a restaurant that only has friend food, I say "Could we go to XYZ instead? They have better options for me." But if everyone still wants to go to the fried food place, I take responsibility for meeting my own needs. I might choose not to go with them, or I might choose to go but to take something with me to eat, or I might choose to go and eat fried food. But no one forces me to eat the fried food (I can't imagine how they could force me to eat something I didn't want to eat), it would be my choice.
I'm wondering why you didn't make plans to take care of yourself. I don't see how you were forced to eat fried food and yogurt the whole weekend. Why couldn't you bring food with you? Why couldn't you buy food there that was suitable for your needs?
I don't think it's true that your friends will not be able to understand how to accommodate your needs when going out unless they've been through WLS. Most of my friends and family members have not been through WLS and they are reasonably accommodating.
However, they don't always know what my limitations or needs are. So if they suggest going to a restaurant that only has friend food, I say "Could we go to XYZ instead? They have better options for me." But if everyone still wants to go to the fried food place, I take responsibility for meeting my own needs. I might choose not to go with them, or I might choose to go but to take something with me to eat, or I might choose to go and eat fried food. But no one forces me to eat the fried food (I can't imagine how they could force me to eat something I didn't want to eat), it would be my choice.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
I always make sure that I bring stuff I know I can eat if I suspect im going somewhere where they wont have anything appropriate. That does get easier the further out you get. Some people either dont know about our restrictions or just dont think about it like we do, so I save them the hassel and plan ahead.
I'm glad you're venting about this here and not yelling at your friends. :)
But, before you talk to them, I hope you'll try to look at the situation a bit more objectively. I'll be 3 months out tomorrow and I've been around food in social situations several times. My thought on the food issue is that I am the one who had surgery, so it's my responsibility to make sure there's something there that I can eat. I can't expect my husband and 3 children to eat like me, nor can I expect my friends to bend over backwards trying to accommodate me. So, if I'm going out I check out the menu ahead of time, if possible. If we're doing something at someone's house, I make sure I bring something I can eat.
Honestly, based on what you described, I don't think your friends were intentionally being rude or selfish. I think they were just trying to enjoy themselves as they always have at that type of gathering...... and probably the same way you once did, as well.
No matter how often we "TELL" people what we can/cannot eat, they just don't get it unless they've been through a similar surgery. That part isn't their fault.
However, if they were quite literally pushing alcohol / bad food on you after you'd declined repeatedly, that's another matter. In that case, it may be time to let them go. But, that still doesn't necessarily mean they're selfish, bad people. It may just be that you need a different type of friendship now - one that doesn't revolve around food & drinking alcohol.
But, before you talk to them, I hope you'll try to look at the situation a bit more objectively. I'll be 3 months out tomorrow and I've been around food in social situations several times. My thought on the food issue is that I am the one who had surgery, so it's my responsibility to make sure there's something there that I can eat. I can't expect my husband and 3 children to eat like me, nor can I expect my friends to bend over backwards trying to accommodate me. So, if I'm going out I check out the menu ahead of time, if possible. If we're doing something at someone's house, I make sure I bring something I can eat.
Honestly, based on what you described, I don't think your friends were intentionally being rude or selfish. I think they were just trying to enjoy themselves as they always have at that type of gathering...... and probably the same way you once did, as well.
No matter how often we "TELL" people what we can/cannot eat, they just don't get it unless they've been through a similar surgery. That part isn't their fault.
However, if they were quite literally pushing alcohol / bad food on you after you'd declined repeatedly, that's another matter. In that case, it may be time to let them go. But, that still doesn't necessarily mean they're selfish, bad people. It may just be that you need a different type of friendship now - one that doesn't revolve around food & drinking alcohol.
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