Dealing with a food nazi at home
You know that your husband was like this long before the surgery. People don't change over night. You probably have had control issues with him all along. He needs to look at himself in the mirror and take a look at his own faults. Other than that tell him to kiss your A&* and lick the mayo off your fingers any time you want to. Jane
LOL that is pretty funny, if my husband ( 40 years) said anything about my food choices or YELLED at me , he would never see another meal out of my kitchen, at least not for a month or so anyway and the ONLY food in the house would be mine.
You might need to tell him that you have done nothing wrong !!! and he needs to BACK OFF ,him telling you that you are a failure is just plain cruel and ABUSIVE , he needs to rethink his behavior and when you are strong enough I think you need to figure out how you want to be treated in life.
One of my daughter's was divorced 4 years after bypass , she was willing to live with abusive behavior and contributed to her own misery , I hope you won't be like her
It is none of his business if you can control yourself or not unless you asked him to "help" you
Sorry this got a bit dark :(
You might need to tell him that you have done nothing wrong !!! and he needs to BACK OFF ,him telling you that you are a failure is just plain cruel and ABUSIVE , he needs to rethink his behavior and when you are strong enough I think you need to figure out how you want to be treated in life.
One of my daughter's was divorced 4 years after bypass , she was willing to live with abusive behavior and contributed to her own misery , I hope you won't be like her
It is none of his business if you can control yourself or not unless you asked him to "help" you
Sorry this got a bit dark :(
Donna Q. --5'8" -60 years old
Band 2005
hw320 sw276 lw with band 195 gw 160-180?
Bypass 4/4/2012
pre sw 258 lw RNY 162 cw 203
As a man who is a master at the art of waging all kinds of marital infighting (thanks, ex-wife), such behaviour may not be as benign as it appears...not to be alarmist, but it may betray a deeper resentment toward you for taking control of your life via WLS...
I'm now in my second marriage and while it has lasted longer than the first one, many of the same issues that were wedges in the first one have been present in this one for quite some time...I'm just making every effort to respond differently...
It may not be such a bad idea, at some point, to lay down the law in terms that he can understand and see if things improve...if not, then you'll have a decision to make as to whether or not you call your lawyer...
I'm now in my second marriage and while it has lasted longer than the first one, many of the same issues that were wedges in the first one have been present in this one for quite some time...I'm just making every effort to respond differently...
It may not be such a bad idea, at some point, to lay down the law in terms that he can understand and see if things improve...if not, then you'll have a decision to make as to whether or not you call your lawyer...
Weight at Heaviest: 320 lbs.
Weight at Surgery: 283.6 lbs.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion...
Weight at Surgery: 283.6 lbs.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion...
My husband never says anything like that but he watches to see when I'm done eating so he can eat what's left on my plate. If all our kids and grandkids are home, they all let it be known that they'll eat what I don't. They all have plenty of food on their own plates but there is something abou****ching mine. If we are dining out and dessert comes with the meal, they all make dibs on mine. If I don't plan to share a plate with someone, they want to know if I plan to take leftovers home because they'll order something different and eat what I don't. I can understand your husband paying attention to what you do but I don't understand him yelling at you.
Banded Oct 2008: 290
RNY Feb 2012: 245
Dr's set goal: 170 reached Oct 11, 2012
My goal: 160 reached Dec 1, 2012
Today : 145-150
I am half the person I was in 2008.
Based on this small glimpse you are giving us into your relationship I think it might be time for some marriage counseling. If he truly thinks that you, as a grown woman capable of making the decision to have WLS cannot be responsible for your own food choices (good or bad--not that licking mayo or eating some ketchup is bad) then he has major control issues that need to be addressed. I really could not abide my husband yelling at me or telling me I'm failing. This is a big red flag to me and I think you might want to assess what this relationship is worth to you.
Oh, and btw, I Put mayo and/or ketchup on just about everything I eat and I'm having great success. He's not even a good food nazi--not that there's any such thing as a good food nazi.
Oh, and btw, I Put mayo and/or ketchup on just about everything I eat and I'm having great success. He's not even a good food nazi--not that there's any such thing as a good food nazi.
HW: 272 lbs. (BMI 49.7) SW: 237 lbs. (BMI 43.3) GW: 140 lbs. (BMI 25.6)
At almost a year out and goal reached, now I sometimes get the comment "there is no way you are gonna eat all that!" or "we can't go to this restaraunt because Tim can't eat that stuff". Well guess what? I can eat that stuff and I do, just not alot of it. And that's what I say to them. You made this decision to give yourself a second chance at a healthier lifestyle and you will find that some people have issues with that because of their own issues. Stick to your plan, and stick to your guns, and do what you think is right for yourself, and screw what everyone else thinks, including your controlling spouse.
my mom was like this at first--literally trying to force protein drinks on me and commenting on every food i ate, but she changed when she realized i was losing weight and not failing. give it time and your hubby might realize you're doing fine---just make sure you let him see the difference on the scale and he'll realize you know what you're doing.
Unfortunately, when someone is emotionally and verbally abusive, it usually doesn't get better in time. It usually gets worse in time.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
My hubby and I have been together since middle school, so about 22 years now, married for almost 12 of those. If he said anything remotely similar to me, there would be just a 2 word reply that began with an F and ended with You! And I don't curse at my husband so that is how serious it would be. I am now just 5 pounds heavier than him, a first since the day I met him. I love him dearly and know he wants me to be healthy, but ain't no way he gets to "control" me. Self-control with food was clearly an issue for , but it is MY issue, not his.
Seems like time for a heart to heart before a foot to ass happens.
Seems like time for a heart to heart before a foot to ass happens.
Laura
HW: 311 SW:264 (size 24) CW: 174 (size 14) Surgeon's Goal: 176 My GW: 149
Weight Loss Month 1: 20 pounds! Weight Loss Month 2: 17 pounds!
Weight Loss Month 3: 12 pounds! Weight Loss Month 4: 10 pounds!
Weight Loss Month 5: 12 pounds! Weight Loss Month 6: 6 pounds!
Weight Loss Month 7: 6 pounds! Weight Loss Month 8:
25 pound to my goal!
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