Need advice for my daughter and her weight

 My daughter is turning 12 we have not had a scale in our house for over a year. Last night she got on out new scale she weighed 145 lbs. She has a belly on her and wears a juniors. Size 11 or 9 depending on the brand. We have been talking about weight and eating healthier about my journey and how my weight has affected my life. Seeing that number on the scale killed me. I wanted to cry for her. So I talked to her today and said listen daddy has diabetes his mom and your aunt and great grandma had it. All of the people on his side have it and the women get it the worst. I explained how they all take multiple shots a day his gma lost her sight and it does have to do with weight but genetics play a part in it too. I said you have a uphill battle going on and we need to try everything we can for you and your brother and sisters to not get this disease. 
My mo used to offer me 500 for a new wardrobe if I would lose weight I never got that wardrobe. I have all my WW info and was thinking of doing that with her. I also have a call into my NUT to see if she can help us. Do you have any words of advice how I can help her? I am song this family wide not just with her. I just don't want her to have a rough middle school and high school experience because of weight. Thank you for your advice!

 How tall is she? I personally don't think 145 is panic-inducing (but then my 13 year old weighs a good bit more than that). 

Both my kids are big. Part of it is nature. Part of it is nurture, quite frankly. While I don't buy food tha tI can't eat as groceries, I have been guilty, too many times of being too tired to cook for them and buying fast food and the like. And I've never pushed physical activity that hard and neither are into group sports.

In the past year I've changed my approach. I try to make physical activity roll into what we do together as a family. Now we live in a neighborhood where the grocery store is a four block walk away. If I gotta go, at least one of them is going with me. 

We also live near a lake and I take them. My big thing is slowing down. I'm a fast walker. I started learning to pace myself with them. And we talk. Or sing. Or they complain and I roll my eyes. Whatever. 

So far as eating, they know they must have at least one green veggie on their plate. I usually don't make starchy carbs with anybody's dinner (which is why my 13 year old gets monumentally excited on the rare occasion I make her mashed potatoes...I don't believe in mashed taters out of the box so they are homemade when I do make them).

But most of all I have tried to get them to talk about their feelings about their bodies (not so successful on that one yet) and be open about when someone says something to them. My 13 year old looks like a 17 year old so especially her. It's hard having boobs that are bigger than your mom's but a brain that is still very mu*****hildhood. So I try to let her have some breathing room to talk about that stuff without me flipping out.

Anyway...that's all rambling. I think you can't control what happens in your child's school experiences just like our parents could not. But our experiences make us who we are. We face adversity for a reason. We learn from it. We toughen up some. Or we learn to become more compassionate. But those years are going to be hard for one reason or another. Nobody comes out of high school unscathed, trust me.

So I think the best thing you can do for your child is give her a good holistic outlook. Mind, body, spirit. There really is no distinction between the three but what we put on them. When you are well in your spirit, you tend to be well in your mind and want to take care of your body, no matter what it looks like.

I would be real careful to focus on health, not on size or appearance.  The truth is that there are people with a normal BMI that are really unhealthy and there are people with a BMI that puts them in the overweight category that are very healthy and in great shape - including many athletes.  Now, I do think that at some point, one could get too heavy to be healthy, I don't think there are many people out there weighing 400 pounds that are in great shape.  But that's not what we're talking about .  She weighs 145.  How tall is she?

Fill your house with healthy food.  Don't buy junk food.  If she wants a treat when she's out, let her have it but suggest eating it in moderation.  Don't try to make her limit the amount of healthy food she eats.  You don't want her to restrict calories and you don't want to create a situation where she would think of binging and purging.  If she wants a snack, have all kinds of wonderful fresh fruits and veggies available.  Clean them, cut them up, have them right inside the fridge so it's the first thing she sees when she opens the door.  Put fruit in bowls on the counter. 

When you're fixing dinner, put some veggies on the table first.  If you put out the veggies or salad first, and everyone is hungry, they'll start eating them.  If you bring the veggies last, they may be too busy eating the other stuff to want them.

Maybe have a little contest with her about drinking.  Point out that you have to drink 64 oz of water a day and ask her if she thinks she can do that too.  Lots of water makes everyone healthy and people often mistake thirst for hunger.

Tell her you want to start being more active and ask if she'll help you out and be your walking buddy or exercise video buddy or whatever.  And plan fun things that involve movement.  Dont' call it exercise.  Just say you think it would be fun for the family to go to the park and play frisbee on Saturday or whatever.  When you take her somewhere, park a little further away so you walk more, but don't point out that you're doing it.  Just make it a natural part of the day.

Don't get her obsessed with counting calories and don't get her obsessed with watching the scale.  Don't forbid any particular food because that makes it more appealing.

Try talking about how a certain food is good for your body.  Someone did a study with middle school kids a couple years ago where each morning on the school announcements they read a couple lines about how a certain food was good for you.  One week they did broccoli, so each day the kids learned something new about why broccoli was good for their body.  On Friday, the cafeteria served broccoli and many more kids ate it than usually did.  If you get her interested in eating healthy food, she'll have less room for junk food.  You don't have to tell her that, though.  Just say you learned that broccoli is really healthy because it has lots of fiber, which acts like a broom to sweep out your intestine.  Otherwise, lots of poop gets stuck in there!  She's go ewww, mom!  And eat the broccoli.

I'm sure this is a tough situation for you. I know parents want what is best for their kids and it's sometimes hard to know what to do... In my opinion, you should not encourage WW or a diet. You control the food in the house so make sure meals and snacks are healthy. Teach her about good choices and that treats are okay in moderation. Do not set her up for the diet/deprivation lifestyle so many of us grew up with. Also, encourage activity. Do things together and help her to try new activities.

I wish you the best of luck!

 Let me start saying my girls are only 3yrs so I have NEVER been the parent of a teenage girl. My sons are teenagers but both are athletic and of normal weight. My youngest son was a little husky until he hit a growth spurt and that pretty much evened him out.

I don't think you should "over talk" her weight. Your efforts may backfire and cause her to develop a complex about her body image. If and when you do speak to her about weight conversations should revolve around health not appearance. You cannot bribe her to lose weight.

I think the best thing you can do for her is to lead by example. Eat healthy foods, buy healthy foods for your household and exercise regularly. Enroll her in some sort of physical activity maybe tennis, swimming, dance etc... anything that she has an interest in that will keep her body moving.

While she is still young you have control over what she consumes but please don't become the "food police" just make sure the only snacks available in the house are healthy ones. 

Good luck!!!

I don't have children of my own (yet) but I remember when I was young, before I rebeled as a teen, I did what my parents did. So if they ate healthy, so did I. If they ate junk, do did I. So I guess the best thing is to be a good example.

I agree some of it is Nature she has the whole fat gene from me and my family and his family the women have HUGE breasts. She has a size B/C at 12 years old already. We were at my friends pool and she has lost 100 lbs herself and she was like wow she has boobies already. I said yea it is hard to contain them sometimes in her swimsuits LOL. She is 4 feet 10 inches I did a BMI and it came up she was overweight.
I told her we are getting a harness tonight for the puppy and we are going to walk him after dinner and in the am. I said we can do a half hour each time with him so he gets his exercise and we get ours too. She does dance 2 nights a week but I don't feel that is enough activity for her.
She did get her period 2 years ago and the Dr doesn't think that she will grow in height that much more. I am short just 5-1 on a good day and my husband is 5-10.
Funny thing is after I posted this my 7 year old walked into the office and said mommy when are you going to buy us cheetos and gummies again? I said what? She said you don't have snacks in the house for us anymore. I told her I do but they are healthy snacks. I made SF/FF pudding last night choc and vanilla, I have carrot sticks and cheese sticks on hand for them. We cut out soda and sugary drinks she drinks water or crystal light.
I have been slowly eating the way I would after surgery and they have all been taken on this journey with me. I am going to tell her she needs a more colorful plate at dinner and ask her weekly to give me a new item fruit or veggie she wuold like to try. We eat corn, green beans, carrots, or collard greens that is it veggie wise in our family. I think we need to add more to the mix.
Thanks for the advice Nik I am going to work on helping her grow into the most happy and positive person I know.Hopefully she will pick up on my positivity because lord knows most of the time I am overly optimistic about things!
Michelle

 Now someone needs to give me advice on instilling respect. I am not doing such a great job. My 13 year old has a MOUTH on her! And the back talk, and the talking under her breath and etc., etc.

I am TRYING not to be a parent that spanks. I never had to spank when they were younger and they were perfectly respectful children. I won't lie though. Sometimes I daydream about knocking that child out! (Out of love, of course)

She is going to her dad's for the summer which I don't know if it will help. On the one hand he's military so respect is a big thing for him but he also lets them talk to him any kind of way most of the time. And refuses to assert himself as the grown-up.

Sigh...being a parent is hard.

And just when you think--thank God, your kids are grown up and you didn't do such a bad job after all--the grand kids start coming and you're off to the races again !!

I think adding more colors to your plate is a great idea for all your kids (and the adults in the family).  Maybe you could all do a littl research together to find new veggies that are different colors.  Like, lots of veggies are green or yellow, but what about purple?  Pink?  Etc?  Then you could take turns picking out new things to try.