I've said it before, and I'll say it again

I really didn't have one particular poster in mind.  I could name quite a few that have been upset when they didn't hear what they wanted to hear.

 Well, it does get annoying sometimes when (and I'm speaking personally of course) where I've specificly asked a question of the community, because I want their input, and I've included what my Dr's office has said in the post, only to be asked rhetorically by some members on here, "What does your dr's plan say?"  

Uh... I just posted what my dr's plan said, and it doesn't include XYZ, and so that's why I'm asking XYZ.

There can be a bit of a hive-mind on this board, but in general, it's quite helpful.

But if you don't know what your doc's plan is regarding a particular thing, your doc would be the best person to ask about that.  Most people on this forum aren't going to know what your doc's plan is.  They could tell you what their doc's plan is, but that might not be the same as yours.  With some things, it's really best to follow your doc's advice.

 Kelly, 

That's true, but Doctors are people too, and only know what they know.  They are not all-knowing masters of the universe, even though some think they are :)  While they may be a good source of advice, think about the amount of experience and advice available here as well.  How much interaction does a Doctor have with his patients post op?  Maybe a few visits immediately after, and then every 6 months?  On this board, we interact with each other at each and every stage.  If I didn't have this board, I would have assumed NSAID's were fine... why?  Because my doc said they are.

My whole point is, most of the people asking for insight or questions on this board probably have already consulted with their doctor, and just want to know how OTHER doctors are doing it.  They don't need to be told to go seek their doctors advice again.

For example, the top post on OH right now about white stool.  She hasn't seen her doc yet, she probably knows she needs to, but she's asking the community for insight into what they think it is... has anyone had it before, or heard of it, etc.  I guess we could simply all just reply back with "See your doctor", but then what's the point of a community?

Oh, believe me, I know doctors don't know everything.

I guess for me, it depends on the question.  I'm happy to answer questions if I know the answer.  Like, if someone asks how much calcium we need, I am happy to tell them what the ASMBS recommends.  But if someone asks when they can eat almonds, there isn't an "official" answer.  The ASMBS hasn't published a post op  meal plan.  I haven't seen any studies or articles on medical journals that indicate the best time to introduce almonds into your diet.  So the best answer I can give someone is to tell them to ask their doctor.  If they want to know when I started eating almonds, I am happy to share that.  But that doesn't mean that's when they should start eating them.

I'd like to add to this another important thing to ALWAYS keep in mind. If you post something and want ideas, suggestions, advice, etc, it is really important that you provide all of the relevant information. Don't assume that everyone readd your sixteen prior posts on the same topic. AND keep in mind that if you don't provide a particular important piece of information, and a respondant responds in a way that is offensive, don't get MAD at the respondant, if they made an assumption, or read something in your post t hat isn't what you meant, just set the record straight and move on from there. If you assume people are trying to be mean, and respond accordingly, you'll find this a very difficult forum to navigate.

Example: YOU post a message asking for advice about your meal plan. You mention what you are eating and drinking. One of your sentences includes: "For meals I'm eating eggs, or refried beans, and I'm drinking coffee."

Response 1: Eating with your meals is a bad idea. I'd suggest that you work on that, because htat is a common pathway to regain.

possible negative reaction: Who the hell do you think you are? I never said I was drinking with my meals. This forum is so unhelpful. I really hate all these vets who are so holier-than-thou!! Haters!

Possible positive reaction: "I didn't mean I was doing those at the same time. I'm not drinking with my meals. I was hoping for help with ..."

Response 2: My surgeon doesn't allow us to drink coffee ever again. Is it on your plan?

Possible negative reaction: "A lot of people on this forum are always acting as if they are better than me, as if I'm an idiot. I never said that my surgeon's plan didn't allow coffee, it does. I'm going elsewhere, people here are obviously NOT helpful.

Possible positive reaction: "Oh, my surgeon's plan allows me to drink coffee as long as I .... I really was hoping you could help me with..."

A lot of us have dealt with judgemental doctors, friends, strangers, coworkers. We are quick to respond to suspected slurs emotionally. If you expect to be treated like that here, you'll be treated like that.... not REALLY, but you'll color your experience when you expect negative comments, and if you think they are negative and respond accordingly, negativity will follow, it's inevitable. In addition, we don't always remember everything that is pertinent to any question. If you assume that others are nitpicking, or deliberately misunderstanding, then that is how it will feel.

My advice to everyone: EXPECT that everyone on here CARES and wants to HELP. But this means several things:

1. Not everyone will help you in the way that you need help. Some people try to deliver a swift kick in the rear (gently) to help people get on course... in the interests of helping the person who is posting. That's what they want, that's what they deliver. But if YOU can't take a swift kick, or don't expect oen, just REMEMBER ...always remember that people are trying to help, so believe they mean well, and either clarify, or just pass it by if they're so far off your wavelength you can't respond.

2. If someone responds as if they don't have the full facts, they don't have the full facts. You might think you explained it, but if they don't respond as if you did, you can get MAD at tthem for not getting something you thought was clear, or you can simply clarify the matter. There's no point in getting mad at someone for responding to an issue based on faulty reasoning and incomplete facts. If you know they mean well, you won't be mad

3. This might inflame some folks, but the truth is that estrogen (a female hormone) is stored in fat. When fat is burned in quantity the flood of estrogen will make you more touchy, more likely to take offense. I am sure you've had people say things about your "time of the month" (particularly men) and their comments have led to the desire to give a black eye. But when people mention hormones on here, they aren't saying you are pre-menstrual. They ARE sayimg that by virtue of rapid weight loss, you HAVE HORMONES raging through your system. They WILL effect your mood.

My "golden forum rule" is to BELIEVE everyone means well. I've had two or three decisively nasty-mean-intended to hurt messages, but i can count them on one hand, because the thousands of people I've interacted with on OH over the las almost five years are mostly super nice. If someone means well, and it comes off wrong, but you respond as if they meant well, you'll feel good, even if you are saying in your head, "wow, she sure is *****y". If they truly absolutely mean to tell you something mean, to degrade you and take away from your self-esteem, it will becom apparant.

 I was once told that " advice is what you ask for when you know the answer, but want someone to tell you you're wrong" 
I'm a pretty smart girl and most often I do know the answer but either want confirmation or want someone to tell me it's ok to eat cheesecake :-)

Yeah, but if you know the answer, then you're not gonna be surprised and mad if someone tells you it's NOT OK to eat the cheesecake, right?

 True, though I am always sad when there's no cheesecake ;-)
I just make mine with SF pudding mix, Greek yogurt, and fresh berries now.
To those struggling to accept the priceless knowledge, and experiences at your fingertips-
This process is all about learning to live the fullest life we can after CHOOSING to alter our bodies to reach a goal. Listen and learn, this board has soo much to offer.
This was your CHOICE there will be no " poor you, you have an amazing tool at your disposal, but you are CHOOSING not to respect it"
Although it is not always pretty, or coated in sugar, you can
CHOOSE to use every piece of information, knowledge, and advice to reach and maintain your goals.

Now that I have hearted your response, because you're awesome.

Please tell me it is ok to eat cheesecake?