Why did WLS make you more assertive?
Recently someone posted about people telling her she'd changed since having WLS and some of the posters that responded said things like they'd changed because they were no longer a doormat after having WLS, or they now had boundaries, or they no longer put up with people treating them with disrespect, or they no longer felt they had to sit and listen to endless criticism from their mother. So basically, it sounds like they are saying they become more assertive after having WLS.
I'm curious about that. If you feel that's the case for you, why did you become assertive after having WLS? What kept you from setting boundaries or standing up for yourself before you had surgery, and how did having surgery cause you to start doing those things? I'm just curious because that was not a change that I experienced. I was pretty assertive before I had surgery.
I'm curious about that. If you feel that's the case for you, why did you become assertive after having WLS? What kept you from setting boundaries or standing up for yourself before you had surgery, and how did having surgery cause you to start doing those things? I'm just curious because that was not a change that I experienced. I was pretty assertive before I had surgery.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
I wasn't "un-assertive" pre-op.
I just didn't have any swagger.
Swagger is a concept that is largely talked about in hip-hop but it applies to us all. It's that inner self confidence, self-esteem, the feeling that you are SOMEBODY. It changes the way you walk, talk, smile, look at people and how you outwardly handle situations.
This is where I get the most "you've changed" comments. Because I have swagger. I know I'm not a nobody. I know I am very much a somebody. With men, I know I'm good enough for you and hell, maybe even TOO good. With family, I know I can care for you while being firm about what I will and won't stand for. And I know there is absolutely nothing wrong with putting my needs ahead of everybody else's.
I sorta always knew that but I wasn't quite so brazen in proclaiming it as I am these days.
As we say in my part of the world, I am somebody cuz God don't make no junk.
I always knew it, but now I proclaim and celebrate it.
I just didn't have any swagger.
Swagger is a concept that is largely talked about in hip-hop but it applies to us all. It's that inner self confidence, self-esteem, the feeling that you are SOMEBODY. It changes the way you walk, talk, smile, look at people and how you outwardly handle situations.
This is where I get the most "you've changed" comments. Because I have swagger. I know I'm not a nobody. I know I am very much a somebody. With men, I know I'm good enough for you and hell, maybe even TOO good. With family, I know I can care for you while being firm about what I will and won't stand for. And I know there is absolutely nothing wrong with putting my needs ahead of everybody else's.
I sorta always knew that but I wasn't quite so brazen in proclaiming it as I am these days.
As we say in my part of the world, I am somebody cuz God don't make no junk.
I always knew it, but now I proclaim and celebrate it. 
I have more self confidence now, yes. I've changed. I'm not afraid to comment, ask, etc because I don't have that desire to be invisible anymore.
I"m not intimidated by things anymore.
Although, in situations where I'm around people that knew me for a long time as the almost 300 pound person I was (my hubby's friend's come to mind) I am still very uncomfortable in my new skin as well.
I"m not intimidated by things anymore.
Although, in situations where I'm around people that knew me for a long time as the almost 300 pound person I was (my hubby's friend's come to mind) I am still very uncomfortable in my new skin as well.
Heather
Since 2008 my team has raised over $42,000 to fight breast cancer.
Since 2008 my team has raised over $42,000 to fight breast cancer.
I have to say I'm like you Kelly for the most part I am the same person and learned early on to not let people walk all over me. I'm generally a sweet person and some people take that for granted or take that as a weakness they can target. I'm only about 2 months out but I can say I feel better in my own skin.
I don't think I've changed and I haven't been told I've changed one way or the other.
I've always been assertive...i work in a male dominated field and to get ahead, you have to assert yourself and make your presence known.
I've never wanted to be invisible. What and waste all this greatness....I think not. Dayum it you will see me and this fabulous hair, makeup, outfit, and shoes.
My appearance has always been important to me. My friends have joked for YEARS that they move the "be ready by" time up on me by an hour because I make sure I'm on POINT when I walk up out the house.
I guess my coping mechanism was the opposite of most people....most over weight women become the "shrinking violet" blending into the background. Me...I because a big bad ass Rose because my thought process was always "I might be fat, but I'm also smart, funny, pretty, assertive, yada, yada, yada". I've had lots of coworkers, family and a few friends say they never really noticed how large I was until I started loosing weight...because they never focused on my weight. I gave them WAY too many other fantastic things to focus on.
Like Nik said...swagger. And I've got swagger for days baby!
If I could have theme music play when I walked....my theme song would be Remy Ma Conceited
See this ain't nuttin' that you use to
Out of the ordinary and usual
You got to have the mind of state like I'm so great
Can't nobody do it like you do
Miraculous, phenomenal
and Ain't nobody in here stopping you
Show no love 'cus you whut's up
Look at ya self in the mirror like what da fuck
Damn I look good
and can't nobody freak it like I could
Yeah okay I got a little fat butt
My shorty tell me he like it like that
I'm happy
Another ni$$a never can't be
I'm so outstanding
Don't care if they can't stand me
I'm sittin' on top of the world like brandy
See I look to good for this necklace
And I look to good to be wearing this
You know, I look way too good to be innocent
I'm conceited I got a reason
I've always been assertive...i work in a male dominated field and to get ahead, you have to assert yourself and make your presence known.
I've never wanted to be invisible. What and waste all this greatness....I think not. Dayum it you will see me and this fabulous hair, makeup, outfit, and shoes.
My appearance has always been important to me. My friends have joked for YEARS that they move the "be ready by" time up on me by an hour because I make sure I'm on POINT when I walk up out the house.
I guess my coping mechanism was the opposite of most people....most over weight women become the "shrinking violet" blending into the background. Me...I because a big bad ass Rose because my thought process was always "I might be fat, but I'm also smart, funny, pretty, assertive, yada, yada, yada". I've had lots of coworkers, family and a few friends say they never really noticed how large I was until I started loosing weight...because they never focused on my weight. I gave them WAY too many other fantastic things to focus on.
Like Nik said...swagger. And I've got swagger for days baby!
If I could have theme music play when I walked....my theme song would be Remy Ma Conceited
See this ain't nuttin' that you use to
Out of the ordinary and usual
You got to have the mind of state like I'm so great
Can't nobody do it like you do
Miraculous, phenomenal
and Ain't nobody in here stopping you
Show no love 'cus you whut's up
Look at ya self in the mirror like what da fuck
Damn I look good
and can't nobody freak it like I could
Yeah okay I got a little fat butt
My shorty tell me he like it like that
I'm happy
Another ni$$a never can't be
I'm so outstanding
Don't care if they can't stand me
I'm sittin' on top of the world like brandy
See I look to good for this necklace
And I look to good to be wearing this
You know, I look way too good to be innocent
I'm conceited I got a reason
HW & SW: 363 Surgery date: 8/22/11 
That is my SONG. I actually say that a lot. "I'm conceited. I got a reason."
LOL. I knew there was a reason I adored you so much.
I wish there was a way (maybe there is) to have an open and frank discussion of how culture plays into this process. As black women you and I had the benefit of a culture that does not place a lot of weight on...weight. Our men LIKE the big butts, hips, breasts. Big girls aren't (always) put down but many times can be and are revered. Hell, I dated more muscle-types as an obese woman than I have as a non-obese woman.
But with the benefits also come the challenges. Our traditional foods, if cooked traditionally, are just horrid on so many levels. And don't try to tell the old folks that. Good grief, you'd think you shot someone's mama if you try to sneak some smoked turkey into the collards. This Thanksgiving I take over the holiday and was discussing it with my brother who lamented that he supposed chitlins died with mom. He is SO right.
Anyway, now I am rambling. But I think culture has something to do with my attitude pre-op. I never thought I was unattractive. I never had a problem meeting men. I was always flirtatious. I just think i am a little more vocal about the holistically healthy way I go about life now instead of simpy bragging on being fabulous, I let people know what I will DO to preserve my fabulosity.
Keep rockin' chica.
LOL. I knew there was a reason I adored you so much.
I wish there was a way (maybe there is) to have an open and frank discussion of how culture plays into this process. As black women you and I had the benefit of a culture that does not place a lot of weight on...weight. Our men LIKE the big butts, hips, breasts. Big girls aren't (always) put down but many times can be and are revered. Hell, I dated more muscle-types as an obese woman than I have as a non-obese woman.
But with the benefits also come the challenges. Our traditional foods, if cooked traditionally, are just horrid on so many levels. And don't try to tell the old folks that. Good grief, you'd think you shot someone's mama if you try to sneak some smoked turkey into the collards. This Thanksgiving I take over the holiday and was discussing it with my brother who lamented that he supposed chitlins died with mom. He is SO right.
Anyway, now I am rambling. But I think culture has something to do with my attitude pre-op. I never thought I was unattractive. I never had a problem meeting men. I was always flirtatious. I just think i am a little more vocal about the holistically healthy way I go about life now instead of simpy bragging on being fabulous, I let people know what I will DO to preserve my fabulosity.
Keep rockin' chica.
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
Quote: "As black women you and I had the benefit of a culture that does not place a lot of weight on...weight. Our men LIKE the big butts, hips, breasts. Big girls aren't (always) put down but many times can be and are revered. Hell, I dated more muscle-types as an obese woman than I have as a non-obese woman."
In most AA communities, the aesthetic that is seen as "pretty" is WAY different than what it is in the mainstream world. Until recently, mainstream print media (fashion mags, TV shows, etc) never really catered to AA people and never really showcased us, so we never really felt the need to fit their notion of what was pretty. I will say that now, PR firms and media are taking notice and are trying to include the AA community in their advertising, but when they do it fits one of three categories, its often times a highly "exoticized" version of a black woman, its the most offensive "ghetto" trash version, or its some man in drag a la Tyler Perry with a "mammyfied" version of a black woman. There is little middle ground and this troubles me.
As these three versions of black women become more and more used in main stream media, I fear that little black girls will interalize that and will not grow up thinking they are beautiful and will start falling vitcim to the "I'm not good enough" mind state. More and more weight is being placed on "weight" and not just from a health perspective but from an aesthetic one as well.
In most AA communities, the aesthetic that is seen as "pretty" is WAY different than what it is in the mainstream world. Until recently, mainstream print media (fashion mags, TV shows, etc) never really catered to AA people and never really showcased us, so we never really felt the need to fit their notion of what was pretty. I will say that now, PR firms and media are taking notice and are trying to include the AA community in their advertising, but when they do it fits one of three categories, its often times a highly "exoticized" version of a black woman, its the most offensive "ghetto" trash version, or its some man in drag a la Tyler Perry with a "mammyfied" version of a black woman. There is little middle ground and this troubles me.
As these three versions of black women become more and more used in main stream media, I fear that little black girls will interalize that and will not grow up thinking they are beautiful and will start falling vitcim to the "I'm not good enough" mind state. More and more weight is being placed on "weight" and not just from a health perspective but from an aesthetic one as well.
HW & SW: 363 Surgery date: 8/22/11
Oh you are so right.
But you forgot one category: the money-hungry, social climbing black woman (Realh Housewives of Atlanta, Love and Hip-Hop, Basketball Wives).
I remember when I was little I was not allowed to have a Barbie doll. My mother said that even black Barbies didn't look like us and she wouldn't promote that image to me. Luckily I was pretty nonplussed with Barbie in general. Her lifestyle just seemed so odd to me!
Last Christmas as I shopped for Christmas toys I noticed black Barbie has gotten a makeover, at least in the face. She has fuller lips, a broader nose, she comes in a few different hues. So I applaud Mattel's efforts. I allowed my girls to have Barbies and I did talk to them about Barbie. Both agreed that they have never ever seen anyone with a figure remotely resembling Barbie - black or white.
I think there is still a good deal of encapsulation in our culture though. My oldest daughter, only 13, is a damn brick house and I see the looks she gets from boys (although she is completely ambivalent thus far...I wish she could stay that way!). And if you look at music videos and those horrible car and hip-hop and tattoo magazine covers you can see black men still revere huge asses, big breasts and hips for days. A small waist, however, is preferred.
But then again, women don't necessarily use men's preferences to outline their standards for themselves. Often they use other women.
But you forgot one category: the money-hungry, social climbing black woman (Realh Housewives of Atlanta, Love and Hip-Hop, Basketball Wives).
I remember when I was little I was not allowed to have a Barbie doll. My mother said that even black Barbies didn't look like us and she wouldn't promote that image to me. Luckily I was pretty nonplussed with Barbie in general. Her lifestyle just seemed so odd to me!
Last Christmas as I shopped for Christmas toys I noticed black Barbie has gotten a makeover, at least in the face. She has fuller lips, a broader nose, she comes in a few different hues. So I applaud Mattel's efforts. I allowed my girls to have Barbies and I did talk to them about Barbie. Both agreed that they have never ever seen anyone with a figure remotely resembling Barbie - black or white.
I think there is still a good deal of encapsulation in our culture though. My oldest daughter, only 13, is a damn brick house and I see the looks she gets from boys (although she is completely ambivalent thus far...I wish she could stay that way!). And if you look at music videos and those horrible car and hip-hop and tattoo magazine covers you can see black men still revere huge asses, big breasts and hips for days. A small waist, however, is preferred.
But then again, women don't necessarily use men's preferences to outline their standards for themselves. Often they use other women.
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
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