If you don't find OH helpful and supportive

 I have made that argument more times than I can count. Yet here we are again...

It's cyclical. Like menstruation.

I posted this thread because I'm bothered by people calling me and my friends "mean" when we spend a great deal of time and energy support each other and total strangers on this forum.  I don't wanna let it slide.  I don't have to let it slide.  If I am insulted and upset about that, I can express my feelings.

Yep, and you will continue to be insulted every six weeks when this post comes round the bend again.

I personally am a fan of being happy. So I don't go near that stuff. Be good to yourself and don't let it get to you too much. You KNOW this happens frequently. You know you're not mean. The people who are important to this whole equation know you and I and others are not mean.

So what's the point wasting time, energy and emotion (because offense IS an emotion) explaining to these people that you're not mean? That's time in YOUR life that YOU can never get back and you're giving it to them.

I shake my head at that but in the end, my friend, it's your right to do it.

 Nik you are so right and put it in such eloquent words. 

Although I generally feel about this the way Kelly does -- sometimes (most times) I get really irritated when someone comes here for a short period of time, gets their panties in a bunch over something little and then accuses people here (in a vague, passive aggressive manner) of being mean or bullying (the most overused word in our culture currently, IMO) -- I do see your point and there is a certain appeal to just blowing it off.  Unfortunately, I am the daughter of a Marine and that is not the Marine Corps way.

After reading the latest "vets are mean" post (at a time when I am admittedly stressed out), I have decided on a new course of action that is a compromise between the two.  I am simply going to block anyone who starts such posts and probably a number of those who "pile on" as well.  I have no desire to invest my time and emotional energy in helping someone who has absolutely no appreciation of the time and effort that people put into coming here to try to support others and accuse people of being mean, self-loathing, condescending, etc..  They will not be subjected to my "meanness" and I won't be subjected to their whining.  There are plenty of other people here who can respond to their posts. Perhaps down the road I will reconsider, but that is going to be my current approach because I don't need the aggravation and I don't have your ability to just ignore it.

Lora

Whe I first started posting here I thought a few posters were being mean to people for no reason but after reading many helpful posts from those same posters who were accused of being mean I decided some responses were "tough love" type answers.

Overall this place is very helpful and a great resource.

 I like it here.. I've gotten a lot of good information.. Thanks to all !!

If someone has the mindset that Lady Lithia is a mean biddy who posts horrible mean things, then that is what they will see. Once someone makes their mind up that someone is "characteristic X" then they will see that all the time.

Why do people come back to say this place sucks... my guess is that they didn't get what they wanted out of it, and they want to make sure others have the same experience, they try to paint some of the people here with a certain paintbrush, and those who listen might see it too, and then they'll see that no matter how much it isn't in the heart and soul of the person posting.

So, I know some think I'm a "mean old lady" and some think I'm here too often (that one was weird) and that I don't say things that support THEM (even if what I'm saying has never been aimed at them) and that I should be slow to respond in order to be supportive. ... But ultimately it's down to this...

If you BELIEVE everyone is mean, it will be so.

I choose to believe that 99% of the people who post here are here to GET support or BE supportive, even if their style doesn't work with me. I encourage everyone to believe this. But some people choose to believe that I am a horrible awful no good ***** with all my kicks coming from beating down newbies. If that's what you want to see, it's what you WiLL see.

What a relief to the "Lady Lithia is mean" contingent that I won't be here all that much anymore.

And as I was writing this,it occurred to me that some of the people who are saying I'm mean, are the ones who I never responded to, and so thye found fault in my responses to others. Sad y'know to be so self-centered that you want to try to convince everyoen that the support of the vets is no good. How many will they convince *****ally REALLy needed my help? How many have blocked me that I could have shared my experiences with? 

Oh well... I'm off to work to prepare to do what I do best.... teach

 Dear Lady Lithia, 
I for one as a newbee, really look forward to hearing responses from the Veterans to posts, you being one of them!  I am really sorry if something had been said or posted that was hurtful to you.   We all have a right to our opinions and to post/share our experiences and advice - that is why this is such a great forum!!   Keep it up girl!! 

Thanks. Most of the time I am not really hurt or offended. I don't choose to give permission to others to cause me hurt via the internet. I have done in the past, but I had to learn to step back. Also, I refuse to take responsibility for others' actions based on my words. Once someone tried to commit suicide, and they implied that it was because I had made the decision to extend an olive branch to someone they disliked.

I had to take a new look at what this forum meant to me, and to others. But I refuse to take responsibility for others' feelings being hurt. I am only responsible for what I write and for how I react to what I read. I am NOT responsible for how others react. I refuse to allow others to shift the blame for how THEY react onto me. IF you (generically) allow someone ELSE'S words to ruin your day, particularly if they are the words of someone else I don't even know in real life. I just refuse to allow someone to pu**** onto me.

If I was TRYING to do anything other than be supportive and get the maxium support out of this site, then perhaps I deserve some responsibility. But my heart is in the right placce, and that's the only responsibility I have to others... to post with the purpose of supporting others in the way that I would want to be supported... including a swift kick to the rear when necessary.

Rest assured, I'm still here. I do have a new school year that already began, so I won't be here as much as before. But I'm not chased off... yet... by this sort of pettiness shown by people who wants to brand the "swift kick brigade" as unsupportive, when in fact we do the hard support... we don't let people make dangerous choices without calling them on it... not only for their sakes, for the sake of anyone else reading about this dangerous behavior and who might think it was okay if nobody had the courage to stand up and say, "NO it's NOT okay to have a KFC bowl when you are on the liquid phase"