If you don't find OH helpful and supportive
yes, you are all so mean!!!
OMG, no way. I started reading this board in April when I had my first surgical consult and feel like at almost 1 week post-op, everyone here has provided so much information for me (without even knowing it)!
I've looked at other forums and haven't found a good group like this! If you don't like it here, then leave!
OMG, no way. I started reading this board in April when I had my first surgical consult and feel like at almost 1 week post-op, everyone here has provided so much information for me (without even knowing it)!
I've looked at other forums and haven't found a good group like this! If you don't like it here, then leave!
__________________________________________________________________
RNY 8.6.12!
SW: 387 (highest ever)
CW: 282
GW: 175
Thicker skin people....I am a new post op.... I don't really know what to say. I think its all perception. I know I have answered some questions and have thought hmm maybe I shouldn't say that, BUT what we say is the hard truth. THEY ask, we answer and if feelings get hurt generally its because the person does not like, or agree with the advise.
I have MANY times asked questions about stuff. I know the Vets (Kelly Lora, lady litha, Dave) have helped me MANY MANY TIMES. Have they answered the same question 100 times? I am sure they have. They do not come here daily to answer and help us to be mean or "bully" us. Its TOUGH LOVE.
This all of course is my opinion. I personally have never felt put down or bullied because of a question I asked. Do I always agree with everything that is said on here? Of course not its life. You never will agree with everything.
I would like to THANK everyone on here that give countless pointers and advise daily, You all have helped me thru my first month
I have MANY times asked questions about stuff. I know the Vets (Kelly Lora, lady litha, Dave) have helped me MANY MANY TIMES. Have they answered the same question 100 times? I am sure they have. They do not come here daily to answer and help us to be mean or "bully" us. Its TOUGH LOVE.
This all of course is my opinion. I personally have never felt put down or bullied because of a question I asked. Do I always agree with everything that is said on here? Of course not its life. You never will agree with everything.
I would like to THANK everyone on here that give countless pointers and advise daily, You all have helped me thru my first month
"If you're interested in achieving success, you'll do what's convenient. When you are committed to success, you'll do whatever it takes."
Funny--- I woke up today and was going to post how GRATEFUL I am for THIS forum , how helpful everyone one is , even when i don't quit explain myself the right way.
Go to some of the other forums on OH if you want to see some mean people , because they are there OR nobody is there anymore , like the band site , that used to be so active and helpful and now there is very little activity.
I want to say thank you to EVERYONE who posts on this site because we can learn from everyone, but if someone doesn't like it here , f-i-n-e go find someplace you do like
Go to some of the other forums on OH if you want to see some mean people , because they are there OR nobody is there anymore , like the band site , that used to be so active and helpful and now there is very little activity.
I want to say thank you to EVERYONE who posts on this site because we can learn from everyone, but if someone doesn't like it here , f-i-n-e go find someplace you do like
Donna Q. --5'8" -60 years old
Band 2005
hw320 sw276 lw with band 195 gw 160-180?
Bypass 4/4/2012
pre sw 258 lw RNY 162 cw 203
I have seen so many wonderful people doing such wonderful things on this forum.
For example:
- I've seen people sending others vitamins and protein powder when people lost a job or something happened and they couldn't afford to buy their supplements.
- I've known people on this forum to help others pay for medical care and essential things like that.
- I've known people to stay up in the middle of the night talking on the phone with a member of the forum that was scared about having surgery in the morning or that was depressed about something and needed to talk.
- I've known people to send others clothing, food, a glucometer, all sorts of things they needed.
- Of course, I can't even count the number of posts I've seen from people grateful for the information they received here about vitamins and how their labs are finally good now that they've gotten the information they need.
- From others on this forum, I learned how to make protein shakes that I really like. I know I'm not alone there!
- I've seen many posts from members grateful for advice from Nik and others about how to prepare really delicious food that is WLS-friendly. From this forum, I learned that eating healthy does NOT mean I have to give up good food!
I am continually amazed and impressed at all the knowledge and support that is available here. I guess that's why it upsets me and confuses me when people complain about how members of this forum are so mean. Seriously, what's mean about suggesting different ways someone might make a protein shake so they can actually stand to drink it or offering to send someone a bottle of calcium when they can't afford it? If those things are mean, I can't imagine what you'd have to do to be nice!
For example:
- I've seen people sending others vitamins and protein powder when people lost a job or something happened and they couldn't afford to buy their supplements.
- I've known people on this forum to help others pay for medical care and essential things like that.
- I've known people to stay up in the middle of the night talking on the phone with a member of the forum that was scared about having surgery in the morning or that was depressed about something and needed to talk.
- I've known people to send others clothing, food, a glucometer, all sorts of things they needed.
- Of course, I can't even count the number of posts I've seen from people grateful for the information they received here about vitamins and how their labs are finally good now that they've gotten the information they need.
- From others on this forum, I learned how to make protein shakes that I really like. I know I'm not alone there!
- I've seen many posts from members grateful for advice from Nik and others about how to prepare really delicious food that is WLS-friendly. From this forum, I learned that eating healthy does NOT mean I have to give up good food!
I am continually amazed and impressed at all the knowledge and support that is available here. I guess that's why it upsets me and confuses me when people complain about how members of this forum are so mean. Seriously, what's mean about suggesting different ways someone might make a protein shake so they can actually stand to drink it or offering to send someone a bottle of calcium when they can't afford it? If those things are mean, I can't imagine what you'd have to do to be nice!
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
u Kelly 
(deactivated member)
on 8/12/12 11:06 am - WA
on 8/12/12 11:06 am - WA
I used to go to AL-Anon and I found that the women who spoke to me in CAPITAL letters, with blunt answers and told me it was tough love are the same women I shut the door to.
And the women who told me the same things spoke in even tones, gave me information, and told me that I needed to look at it in a different way are the ones whose words I kept on my mind, the ones who's advice I took to heart. I don't think OH is full of bullies.I don't think the people who are being written about are mean. But some people are mean and hide behind the term of tough love. Not all but some.
And the women who told me the same things spoke in even tones, gave me information, and told me that I needed to look at it in a different way are the ones whose words I kept on my mind, the ones who's advice I took to heart. I don't think OH is full of bullies.I don't think the people who are being written about are mean. But some people are mean and hide behind the term of tough love. Not all but some.
There are NO people who post frequently on this site (unless they have me blocked an so I wouldn't know about them) that are MEAN.
They might not present information in a way that works for me. So if they don't have a style that works for me, I don't let it bother me.
You make an excellent point... I'll add my own emphasis....
"And the women who told me the same things spoke in even tones, gave me information, and told me that I needed to look at it in a different way are the ones whose words I kept on my mind, the ones who's advice I took to heart."
The point I'm making is that you can't hear a tone here. So if you read a tone into a printed word, that is YOUR layer that you put over the written word. Also, you mention what works for you. Too many think that if one person's method of support doesn't work for them, then they aren't being supportive. This is one of the material points being made here. Just because it doesn't work for you (generic you) that doesn't mean it doesn't work for me or for others. Every individual who posts on here to give support, can only do what works for them, and what they think will help the person they are trying to support. Of course it won't always work! That's the point of getting multiple responses to a shout out for help. You take the ones that work, and don't let the ones that don't help get you all het up. There isn't any point in getting worked up about support that doesn't work for you. Accept they mean well and move on. But it's absurd to say that a person is mean or unsupportive if it doesn't fit with what you want. Countless times i've offered support and really thought I was being at maximum suppport when the person has responded in a shocking manner to what I post, accusing me of being mean, unsupportive, a bully, horrible, you name it. i've gotten PMs from others saying, "wow, I really don't know why 'susie' went off on you, but I wanted to thank yyou from the bottom of my heart for what you wrote, it's what I needed to hear, and it helped me a lot"
I give what is within me to give. How others take it is up to them. But it makes for greater harmony and support if people didn't flip out on those trying their hardest to be supportive and reaming them for not doing what THEY wanted and needed. That's kind of like the person who needs a handout, and who gets a $10 bill from someone snapping at them and throwing the $10 in their face and spitting in their eye with the words, "You think a $10 is support, wow, you're so mean, you suck, I'll tell everyone how much you suck. You must think you're so smart and so cool, but everyone knows that if you give $10, it's a slap in the face. Only $20 is acceptable, and you are horrible, awful, mean, and even a traitor. You awful awful person!" It doesn't make sense, and it's not acceptable to take SINCERE help and spit in a person's eye over it, and that's what some of these posts about how mean I am feel like. (and yes, I take it personally, when the passive aggressive attacks don't name names).
I give everything I have. I would like it if people would take it for what is behind it... heartfelt support. You might look at my words and say "wow, that isn't my kind of support" and that's okay... if it doesn't work for you, you don't have to accept it, just like you aren't forced to purchase every item in a super market. Take what works, and leave the rest. Don't smash the food you don't like just because it's not to your taste.
They might not present information in a way that works for me. So if they don't have a style that works for me, I don't let it bother me.
You make an excellent point... I'll add my own emphasis....
"And the women who told me the same things spoke in even tones, gave me information, and told me that I needed to look at it in a different way are the ones whose words I kept on my mind, the ones who's advice I took to heart."
The point I'm making is that you can't hear a tone here. So if you read a tone into a printed word, that is YOUR layer that you put over the written word. Also, you mention what works for you. Too many think that if one person's method of support doesn't work for them, then they aren't being supportive. This is one of the material points being made here. Just because it doesn't work for you (generic you) that doesn't mean it doesn't work for me or for others. Every individual who posts on here to give support, can only do what works for them, and what they think will help the person they are trying to support. Of course it won't always work! That's the point of getting multiple responses to a shout out for help. You take the ones that work, and don't let the ones that don't help get you all het up. There isn't any point in getting worked up about support that doesn't work for you. Accept they mean well and move on. But it's absurd to say that a person is mean or unsupportive if it doesn't fit with what you want. Countless times i've offered support and really thought I was being at maximum suppport when the person has responded in a shocking manner to what I post, accusing me of being mean, unsupportive, a bully, horrible, you name it. i've gotten PMs from others saying, "wow, I really don't know why 'susie' went off on you, but I wanted to thank yyou from the bottom of my heart for what you wrote, it's what I needed to hear, and it helped me a lot"
I give what is within me to give. How others take it is up to them. But it makes for greater harmony and support if people didn't flip out on those trying their hardest to be supportive and reaming them for not doing what THEY wanted and needed. That's kind of like the person who needs a handout, and who gets a $10 bill from someone snapping at them and throwing the $10 in their face and spitting in their eye with the words, "You think a $10 is support, wow, you're so mean, you suck, I'll tell everyone how much you suck. You must think you're so smart and so cool, but everyone knows that if you give $10, it's a slap in the face. Only $20 is acceptable, and you are horrible, awful, mean, and even a traitor. You awful awful person!" It doesn't make sense, and it's not acceptable to take SINCERE help and spit in a person's eye over it, and that's what some of these posts about how mean I am feel like. (and yes, I take it personally, when the passive aggressive attacks don't name names).
I give everything I have. I would like it if people would take it for what is behind it... heartfelt support. You might look at my words and say "wow, that isn't my kind of support" and that's okay... if it doesn't work for you, you don't have to accept it, just like you aren't forced to purchase every item in a super market. Take what works, and leave the rest. Don't smash the food you don't like just because it's not to your taste.
~Lady Lithia~ 200 lbs lost!
March 9, 2011 - Coccygectomy!
I chased my dreams, and my dreams, they caught me!
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