The Obligation to be Healthy
I'm sorry it bothered you. However I got a fresh outlook to it as I was raising money for a very popular autism group. My son has Asperger's. When we were getting ready to go to the annual walk I was getting him ready to go. He asked me why we were going and what it was for. I explained it to him in terms he could understand at his age. He said to me "Mom, what's wrong with me? Why do you want to change me?" I sat down and cried. There is nothing wrong with him. I don't want to change him. All the things I had looked into including oral chelation which was advised by one medical professional went out the window that day.
He is now a freshman in high school and I work for a Center for Independent Living. He asked what I do and I told him that I am an advocate for persons with disability. He said "why do they say I have a disability? My ability is just different than others. Shouldn't it be differentability?" Again he taught me something.
I'm sorry but no if you gave me the magic pill tomorrow to make him "normal" I wouldn't give it to him. He is happy with who he is and so am I. I'm also afraid I'd lose the things I love about him the most.
My oldest daughter has CP. She had a stroke inutero and another one in 1st grade. She has had challenges throughout her life. She is stronger because of them. She has several other health issues and has just signed the lease for her first apartment at the age of 24. I'm so very proud of her. I know she is who she is because of the challenges she has faced. She knows this too. I've taught my children to be proud of themselves and work their hardest at being the best they can be. They can't disappoint me.
While the world may define them as unhealthy or by their disabilities I define them by their abilities. So no, I personally would not give them a "magic pill". I would however support them if they chose to take it when they were old enough to understand and decide, just as they have supported me in wls.
Of course I was also raised to belive that "God doesn't make mistakes or junk" so I know there is reasons well beyond my understanding.
He is now a freshman in high school and I work for a Center for Independent Living. He asked what I do and I told him that I am an advocate for persons with disability. He said "why do they say I have a disability? My ability is just different than others. Shouldn't it be differentability?" Again he taught me something.
I'm sorry but no if you gave me the magic pill tomorrow to make him "normal" I wouldn't give it to him. He is happy with who he is and so am I. I'm also afraid I'd lose the things I love about him the most.
My oldest daughter has CP. She had a stroke inutero and another one in 1st grade. She has had challenges throughout her life. She is stronger because of them. She has several other health issues and has just signed the lease for her first apartment at the age of 24. I'm so very proud of her. I know she is who she is because of the challenges she has faced. She knows this too. I've taught my children to be proud of themselves and work their hardest at being the best they can be. They can't disappoint me.
While the world may define them as unhealthy or by their disabilities I define them by their abilities. So no, I personally would not give them a "magic pill". I would however support them if they chose to take it when they were old enough to understand and decide, just as they have supported me in wls.
Of course I was also raised to belive that "God doesn't make mistakes or junk" so I know there is reasons well beyond my understanding.
5' 3" - HW: 244 SW:234 GW:120 LW: 107 CW:110 Made goal 3/16/13!
I totally agree with you that our children with disabilities are the most precious things in the world; all children are. But to say that you would not change the challenges that they have to deal with on a daily basis if you had it in your power just saddens me. As parents of disabled children we have had to live our lives dealing with what was given to us however we are not the disabled ones. I would give my life for my son to be able to live a "normal" life. How can you say that your children would not have been the same strong, wonderful person if they had not had challenges and struggles every single day. I can truly say that my son is a wonderful, loving man that has completely made my life a joy however is it about me? No it's about him and again I would give anything for him to have not had to live his life with a disability. It's the life that was given to us and of course it cannot be altered by a "magic pill" but if there was you can bet your ass I would make sure he had it!!!
As one Mom of a disabled child to another I completely admire you and know the struggles and heartaches that you have had to endure first hand. We can just agree to disagree where this is concerned and much love to you and your precious kids!!
As one Mom of a disabled child to another I completely admire you and know the struggles and heartaches that you have had to endure first hand. We can just agree to disagree where this is concerned and much love to you and your precious kids!!
Lori
Highest Weight 403
Kelly I'm so sorry you feel like that. You shouldn't feel bad about not being healthy or for needing help. You're a human being, I know how hard it is to have mental health problems and how easy it is for other people to automatically think that you're healthy because your physical body is able to do things.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you did not choose to have MDD, or PTSD you didn't say oh yea that sounds like a fun thing. I'm not going to say that my mental health problems are bad as yours but my brain failed me long before my body did.
I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, depression, and ADHD. Although for the last several months I've been doing really well. I finally made the commitment to take my meds and keep taking them. I had to come up with a little accountability for myself. I had a long cycle of stopping and starting anti-depressants. I take Xanax as needed for anxiety and I do pretty well. But my ADHD is by far my crown jewel and center of all my mental health issues. I religiously take my ADHD medication, because with out it I can't get out of bed. I take xanax about 1 time a week, and I take my anti-depressant is all out of funk right now. I know what it is like to not be able to leave my bed without absolutely convincing myself that it will all be ok. At my worst I wouldn't leave my room for days, I would just stay here too afraid to step out of the door.
Sometimes people will look at the homeless people in their neighborhood and say oh they are lazy, or dumb, or something else..... Truth is most of them are unhealthy. Some of them choose to be unhealthy, some are so fed up with their lives they no longer care, and some just can't get help.
Bottom line, it is ok to be unhealthy. It is OK to refuse medical treatment. It is ok to get sick and not want to get better. It is ok to accept who your are illnesses and all.
No one picks cancer, or PTSD, or GAD so bad you can't leave your house and you know what, it's your body. You absolutely get to choose how you treat your body.
It is OK to not be healthy, it is ok to not treat your body.At the end of the day you're allowed to refuse any medical treatment, no one can force you and that's ok.
I know most people don't want to be unhealthy but I understand giving up. I don't see a problem with helping unhealthy people in fact we should do everything possible for unhealthy people a chance to get healthier. Just because you're disable doesn't make you less of a person.
And for everyone saying all this stuff about how being fat is a choice............ REALLY? if losing weight was so easy you think we could have all saved a lot of grief and pain on that RNY. We could just all have eaten better and exercise because we all know it worked so well for us. Come on give the over weight and morbidly obese a break. We were in their shoes, and we exhausted every possible option before risking out lives for surgery. NOT everyone can afford an RNY, or is lucky enough to have insurance pay for it. Not everyone is able to take the route we were lucky enough to do so give them a break! They aren't disgusting, they are human beings.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you did not choose to have MDD, or PTSD you didn't say oh yea that sounds like a fun thing. I'm not going to say that my mental health problems are bad as yours but my brain failed me long before my body did.
I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, depression, and ADHD. Although for the last several months I've been doing really well. I finally made the commitment to take my meds and keep taking them. I had to come up with a little accountability for myself. I had a long cycle of stopping and starting anti-depressants. I take Xanax as needed for anxiety and I do pretty well. But my ADHD is by far my crown jewel and center of all my mental health issues. I religiously take my ADHD medication, because with out it I can't get out of bed. I take xanax about 1 time a week, and I take my anti-depressant is all out of funk right now. I know what it is like to not be able to leave my bed without absolutely convincing myself that it will all be ok. At my worst I wouldn't leave my room for days, I would just stay here too afraid to step out of the door.
Sometimes people will look at the homeless people in their neighborhood and say oh they are lazy, or dumb, or something else..... Truth is most of them are unhealthy. Some of them choose to be unhealthy, some are so fed up with their lives they no longer care, and some just can't get help.
Bottom line, it is ok to be unhealthy. It is OK to refuse medical treatment. It is ok to get sick and not want to get better. It is ok to accept who your are illnesses and all.
No one picks cancer, or PTSD, or GAD so bad you can't leave your house and you know what, it's your body. You absolutely get to choose how you treat your body.
It is OK to not be healthy, it is ok to not treat your body.At the end of the day you're allowed to refuse any medical treatment, no one can force you and that's ok.
I know most people don't want to be unhealthy but I understand giving up. I don't see a problem with helping unhealthy people in fact we should do everything possible for unhealthy people a chance to get healthier. Just because you're disable doesn't make you less of a person.
And for everyone saying all this stuff about how being fat is a choice............ REALLY? if losing weight was so easy you think we could have all saved a lot of grief and pain on that RNY. We could just all have eaten better and exercise because we all know it worked so well for us. Come on give the over weight and morbidly obese a break. We were in their shoes, and we exhausted every possible option before risking out lives for surgery. NOT everyone can afford an RNY, or is lucky enough to have insurance pay for it. Not everyone is able to take the route we were lucky enough to do so give them a break! They aren't disgusting, they are human beings.
I don't really feel bad about being unhealthy and most of the time I don't feel bad about needing help. That's what things like Social Security and Medicare and food stamps are there for. And you know what? When I work, I pay taxes that help support those programs. My friends and family pay taxes that help support those programs. It's not like people are just handing me things.
What I feel bad about is the attitude that some people have.
And I don't mind one bit when my tax dollars are used to help other people that need help. I think we should be helping others that need it. I actually think it's really sad that our government has to make us help people by withholding taxes that cover those kinds of services. Ideally, if our neighbor was disabled or out of work, we'd share our food witih them and help them pay their medical bills. That's what people do in some societies, you know. The Amish do it. They don't pay into Social Security, although they do pay other taxes. They don't accept any of those benefits, though. They just help each other when they need it. But since the majority of people won't do that, the government has to step in and make us do it. I think that's a shame.
No, I didn't choose to have depression or PTSD. I don't think most people choose to be ill. There is actually a mental illness called Munchausen Syndrome, in which people deliberately make themselves ill, usually for attention. But even then, while they may be deliberately doing things that make themselves ill, they didn't choose to have a mental illness. People do make choices to do things that are not the best for their health, sure. Today I chose to eat a couple of cookies and no one thinks cookies are health food, do they? But that doesn't mean I am choosing to be sick. Maybe there are some people that choose to be sick, but I don't think most do.
I don't think most people choose to be homeless, either. Some might. But most? Why on earth would people choose that? But you know how easy it is to become homeless these days? How much money do you have in the bank? What would happen if you were single, if you didn't have parents or other relatives that could help out in an emergency, and you missed just a couple paychecks? I was actually pretty close to becoming homeless myself before I got SSDI. I was unable to work and I did have enough savings to live on for several months, but if my application had been denied and I would have had to appeal, I would have ended up in a shelter. If I could find a bed in a shelter, that is. There aren't enough shelter beds for all the homeless people out there.
And I think the same thing about "choosing" to be fat. I don't think most of us here chose to be fat. If it was just a simple choice, we never would have needed WLS. And there are many people that can't afford WLS or can't get it or choose not to get it for other reasons. That doesn't mean they are choosing to be fat.
What I feel bad about is the attitude that some people have.
And I don't mind one bit when my tax dollars are used to help other people that need help. I think we should be helping others that need it. I actually think it's really sad that our government has to make us help people by withholding taxes that cover those kinds of services. Ideally, if our neighbor was disabled or out of work, we'd share our food witih them and help them pay their medical bills. That's what people do in some societies, you know. The Amish do it. They don't pay into Social Security, although they do pay other taxes. They don't accept any of those benefits, though. They just help each other when they need it. But since the majority of people won't do that, the government has to step in and make us do it. I think that's a shame.
No, I didn't choose to have depression or PTSD. I don't think most people choose to be ill. There is actually a mental illness called Munchausen Syndrome, in which people deliberately make themselves ill, usually for attention. But even then, while they may be deliberately doing things that make themselves ill, they didn't choose to have a mental illness. People do make choices to do things that are not the best for their health, sure. Today I chose to eat a couple of cookies and no one thinks cookies are health food, do they? But that doesn't mean I am choosing to be sick. Maybe there are some people that choose to be sick, but I don't think most do.
I don't think most people choose to be homeless, either. Some might. But most? Why on earth would people choose that? But you know how easy it is to become homeless these days? How much money do you have in the bank? What would happen if you were single, if you didn't have parents or other relatives that could help out in an emergency, and you missed just a couple paychecks? I was actually pretty close to becoming homeless myself before I got SSDI. I was unable to work and I did have enough savings to live on for several months, but if my application had been denied and I would have had to appeal, I would have ended up in a shelter. If I could find a bed in a shelter, that is. There aren't enough shelter beds for all the homeless people out there.
And I think the same thing about "choosing" to be fat. I don't think most of us here chose to be fat. If it was just a simple choice, we never would have needed WLS. And there are many people that can't afford WLS or can't get it or choose not to get it for other reasons. That doesn't mean they are choosing to be fat.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
I totally agree. I don't know how maybe people (especially in a place like this) are so judgemental fo being who are unhealthy.
It is so sad that is all so many think about is well they can't do it for themselves so they don't deserve help.
No one picks the situations that sometimes happen especially medical conditions. Just because people are unhealthy doesn't make their medical decisions public debate.
It is so sad that is all so many think about is well they can't do it for themselves so they don't deserve help.
No one picks the situations that sometimes happen especially medical conditions. Just because people are unhealthy doesn't make their medical decisions public debate.
My wife has chronic pain and chronic illness. I had renal failure. I think what a lot of able bodied people don't get is how temporary being able bodied can be. I've been out on a 9 month disability. I needed that time off to heal and adjust to a new body part.
My wife will never work again. She was in upper management..had a job she loved as was very good at. She quit working when she was 46. She would give anything to go to work tomorrow.
We were waiting for a flight on Southwest. We got priority seating because she is disabled. A man walked by and said "I wish I was disabled" and rolled his eyes at her. My wife is a patient quiet and calm woman. She sat there for about 3 minutes and then slowly got up and walked to where he was sitting. I couldn't hear her but I knew what she was saying. What I could see was him slowly sinking down in his chair and turning redder and redder.
The gift of health is just that...a gift. Something I am very grateful for (as is my wife)
Of course there are things we can do to stay healthier. I also had the luxury of having good insurance that would pay for my Rny. Should I berate the ones who are not so fortunate? Should they be thrown to the diet and exercise pile and be expected to succeed so there health doesn't cost me taxes??
I'm a cancer nurse. I take of world class athletes..never smoked,did drugs..they led completely healthy lives. Some have been very angry that they got cancer. They'll say.."it's not fair..I did everything right" Health is a crap shoot.
For me..I try to stay in a place of gratitude about my health and out of judgment about others.
Deb T.
My wife will never work again. She was in upper management..had a job she loved as was very good at. She quit working when she was 46. She would give anything to go to work tomorrow.
We were waiting for a flight on Southwest. We got priority seating because she is disabled. A man walked by and said "I wish I was disabled" and rolled his eyes at her. My wife is a patient quiet and calm woman. She sat there for about 3 minutes and then slowly got up and walked to where he was sitting. I couldn't hear her but I knew what she was saying. What I could see was him slowly sinking down in his chair and turning redder and redder.
The gift of health is just that...a gift. Something I am very grateful for (as is my wife)
Of course there are things we can do to stay healthier. I also had the luxury of having good insurance that would pay for my Rny. Should I berate the ones who are not so fortunate? Should they be thrown to the diet and exercise pile and be expected to succeed so there health doesn't cost me taxes??
I'm a cancer nurse. I take of world class athletes..never smoked,did drugs..they led completely healthy lives. Some have been very angry that they got cancer. They'll say.."it's not fair..I did everything right" Health is a crap shoot.
For me..I try to stay in a place of gratitude about my health and out of judgment about others.
Deb T.
It is so bizarre that some people say things like that. They wish they were disabled? Good grief.
I know a woman with a disability that has a service dog. Recently she told me that she was on her way into the grocery store when a stranger stopped her to tell her that she was lucky to be disabled because she got to take her dog to the grocery store with her and park in the closest parking spaces. The stranger said that disabled people get so many perks. Yeah, sure, getting a good parking spot more than makes up for being disabled, huh?
I know a woman with a disability that has a service dog. Recently she told me that she was on her way into the grocery store when a stranger stopped her to tell her that she was lucky to be disabled because she got to take her dog to the grocery store with her and park in the closest parking spaces. The stranger said that disabled people get so many perks. Yeah, sure, getting a good parking spot more than makes up for being disabled, huh?
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
I think we were discussing weight related health. We all have some health/illness type of issues no matter how small. Getting control of our excess weight will alievate some major problems. No one here is judging anyone for illnesses that have no cure. A lot of problems come with age and we certainly can't stop that. Obsessing about it will only make things worse, so be grateful, as I'm sure that you are, that you have lost your extra weight and you are able to eat well, have access to medicare and, I hope, feel rewarded for your accomplishments.
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