OT- worried about a friend
Last night a friend emailed me and said she'd been very depressed and that she'd tried to kill herself the day before. She sent the email about 8 pm but I didn't get it until about 10 pm. I replied to the email right away, but then I tried to call her on her cell phone. She didn't answer.
So I worried all night. I assumed she had to be sort of OK because she was apparently at home using her computer, which meant her suicide attempt was not severe enough to require hospitalization, but any suicide attempt is serious.
If someone is in distress, I want to know about it. But I also want to be able to help. I absolutely hate knowing someone is in this much distress and not being able to do anything.
So I tried to call her all day today on her cell phone and she never answered. I didn't have her home phone number but decided to try to look it up, and I have to say, it's scary the amount of info you can find on someone online without even much effort. So I found her home number and just called her.
She said she's OK. I said, you're OK? Really? Then she says she'll call me tomorrow, she doesn't feel like talking now.
So I am worried, but I'm also kind of annoyed. Anyone that is very depressed or suicidal is welcome to call me or email me at any time. But please, at least talk to me for a few minutes and let me know what's going on then! I know it's not all about me, but I really hate this, worrying and not knowing what's happening.
So I worried all night. I assumed she had to be sort of OK because she was apparently at home using her computer, which meant her suicide attempt was not severe enough to require hospitalization, but any suicide attempt is serious.
If someone is in distress, I want to know about it. But I also want to be able to help. I absolutely hate knowing someone is in this much distress and not being able to do anything.
So I tried to call her all day today on her cell phone and she never answered. I didn't have her home phone number but decided to try to look it up, and I have to say, it's scary the amount of info you can find on someone online without even much effort. So I found her home number and just called her.
She said she's OK. I said, you're OK? Really? Then she says she'll call me tomorrow, she doesn't feel like talking now.
So I am worried, but I'm also kind of annoyed. Anyone that is very depressed or suicidal is welcome to call me or email me at any time. But please, at least talk to me for a few minutes and let me know what's going on then! I know it's not all about me, but I really hate this, worrying and not knowing what's happening.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
That is a hard situation to be in...is this a friend that you know her family or another close friend of hers? I am unfortunately very familiar with suicide as my late husband killed himself and this past March one of my cousins took his life also.
I would definitely tell someone...it sounds extreme but I would call 911 and report that you know someone that has e-mailed you and may harm herself. She obviously needs help if she is reaching out...even if she hasn't done something to herself. I believe that most places will admit her to the hospital for observation and hopefully she can get the help that she needs to move through her depression.
I hope that things work out for her and she is lucky to have such a concerned, caring friend in you.
I would definitely tell someone...it sounds extreme but I would call 911 and report that you know someone that has e-mailed you and may harm herself. She obviously needs help if she is reaching out...even if she hasn't done something to herself. I believe that most places will admit her to the hospital for observation and hopefully she can get the help that she needs to move through her depression.
I hope that things work out for her and she is lucky to have such a concerned, caring friend in you.
Jennifer in NC (banded 09/08, band removed 11/19/12, approved for RNY 02/14/13, Surgery 2/27/13)
I don't think they would admit her if she says she's not suicidal right now. It's actually kind of hard to get admitted to the psych unit these days. I would call 911 if I thought she was going to hurt herself now. But she's saying she tried to hurt herself two days ago.
I once had a friend in another state call me and tell me she was swallowing a bottle of pills, right then. I did call 911 and an ambulance took her to the hospital. But I happen to know that in the city where this friend lives, they will not send an ambulance unless you've harmed yourself. Otherwise, if you're suicidal or whatever but not injured in any way, they send a police car. If you want to go to the hospital, or the police officers think you need to go to the hospital and decide to take you whether you want to go or not, you are handcuffed and driven to the hospital in the back of the police car. Yes, handcuffed.
I know because I used to work as a social worker in this city and once had a teenage client that was suicidal and called 911. The police came and wanted to handcuff him to take him to Children's Hospital. His mother and I felt that would be really traumatic for him (he was not combative or resisting in any way) and I ended up paying out of my pocket for a cab to take them to the hospital instead (they'd come to my office by bus and I didn't want to send them to the hospital by bus).
Anyway, I don't think this friend needs to be handcuffed and driven to the hospital. I do know she is in therapy, and if she calls me tomorrow, I'll ask her if she's been in touch with her therapist.
I once had a friend in another state call me and tell me she was swallowing a bottle of pills, right then. I did call 911 and an ambulance took her to the hospital. But I happen to know that in the city where this friend lives, they will not send an ambulance unless you've harmed yourself. Otherwise, if you're suicidal or whatever but not injured in any way, they send a police car. If you want to go to the hospital, or the police officers think you need to go to the hospital and decide to take you whether you want to go or not, you are handcuffed and driven to the hospital in the back of the police car. Yes, handcuffed.
I know because I used to work as a social worker in this city and once had a teenage client that was suicidal and called 911. The police came and wanted to handcuff him to take him to Children's Hospital. His mother and I felt that would be really traumatic for him (he was not combative or resisting in any way) and I ended up paying out of my pocket for a cab to take them to the hospital instead (they'd come to my office by bus and I didn't want to send them to the hospital by bus).
Anyway, I don't think this friend needs to be handcuffed and driven to the hospital. I do know she is in therapy, and if she calls me tomorrow, I'll ask her if she's been in touch with her therapist.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
OK, she emailed me. So I know a little of what's going on. I think she'll be OK tonight but she does need some help. I suggested she come stay with me for a few days and I hope she does.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
Kelly, as a Therapist I have felt the horror and worry that you must feel for tour friend. There have been countless times when I have went into my office and listened to the voice mails from the previous evening and had to hear that a client had tried to contact me. It gives me a sinking feeling of guilt because I was not there when they needed me.
Your friend was reaching out to you and you did your best to contact her, you even did an online search for her home phone number. You are an awesome friend and she may just be embarrassed about the situation of her suicide attempt. Please do not take it personally, it sounds as if she really is reaching out for help or possibly just to have somebody to talk to when she is feeling her worst.
I know this from experience. Not only as a Therapist but I have also tried and failed at suicide. I have been where your friend is at and it is very difficult to discuss this issue. With me it just reinforced the agonizing inside voice telling me that I was a failure. While I was in the hospital after my last failed attempt, my Therapist asked me why should she believe me when I said that I would not try to take my life again. My reply shocked her and it stll echos in my mind on an almost daily basis. I told her that if I tried to kill myself and failed at completing the suicide, that I would be embarrassed and humiliated because I could not even kill myself. I was worried about what people that I know love me would be thinking about me. I could not talk to my husband and mother for at least 2 weeks. My children are all grown now and there are times when I want to tell them how sorry I am for scarring their childhoods with my selfish acts.
It is NOT you...believe this. Your friend most likely is assessing what she tried to do and she is probably sufferring something awful inside. If she does not seek professional treatment in the very near future, please encourage her to do so and let her know that you love her unconditionally.
I am praying for your friend and I am praying for you also. Take care of yourself and I pray that you sleep well tonight.
Big Hugs,
Susie
Your friend was reaching out to you and you did your best to contact her, you even did an online search for her home phone number. You are an awesome friend and she may just be embarrassed about the situation of her suicide attempt. Please do not take it personally, it sounds as if she really is reaching out for help or possibly just to have somebody to talk to when she is feeling her worst.
I know this from experience. Not only as a Therapist but I have also tried and failed at suicide. I have been where your friend is at and it is very difficult to discuss this issue. With me it just reinforced the agonizing inside voice telling me that I was a failure. While I was in the hospital after my last failed attempt, my Therapist asked me why should she believe me when I said that I would not try to take my life again. My reply shocked her and it stll echos in my mind on an almost daily basis. I told her that if I tried to kill myself and failed at completing the suicide, that I would be embarrassed and humiliated because I could not even kill myself. I was worried about what people that I know love me would be thinking about me. I could not talk to my husband and mother for at least 2 weeks. My children are all grown now and there are times when I want to tell them how sorry I am for scarring their childhoods with my selfish acts.
It is NOT you...believe this. Your friend most likely is assessing what she tried to do and she is probably sufferring something awful inside. If she does not seek professional treatment in the very near future, please encourage her to do so and let her know that you love her unconditionally.
I am praying for your friend and I am praying for you also. Take care of yourself and I pray that you sleep well tonight.
Big Hugs,
Susie
Susie, I just wanted to say that was an awesome response. Your self-disclosure is really brave and much appreciated, even to someone who's not been on that side of the fence. All I can say is that I'm in awe of you right now.
Kelly- would your friend be willing to sign a relase of info with her therapist so that you could contact her therapist if she calls or emails you again with SI? Or perhaps encouraging your friend to contact the National Suicide hotline in addition to emailing you. Better alternative than the trauma of calling 911 or in contacting someone who's going to lose a night's sleep worrying..... I wouldn't be surprised if she already has a self-harm contract with her therapist, and if she has you listed as a contact, she did her work in part but maybe there needs to be OTHERS she can reach out to, that are possibly more appropriate in a crisis, because you can't be held responsible to her mental health 24/7, even as good a friend as you are!
Kelly- would your friend be willing to sign a relase of info with her therapist so that you could contact her therapist if she calls or emails you again with SI? Or perhaps encouraging your friend to contact the National Suicide hotline in addition to emailing you. Better alternative than the trauma of calling 911 or in contacting someone who's going to lose a night's sleep worrying..... I wouldn't be surprised if she already has a self-harm contract with her therapist, and if she has you listed as a contact, she did her work in part but maybe there needs to be OTHERS she can reach out to, that are possibly more appropriate in a crisis, because you can't be held responsible to her mental health 24/7, even as good a friend as you are!
First ultra: Stone Mill 50 miler 11/15/14 13:44:38, First Full Marathon: Marine Corps 10/27/13 4:57:11, Half Marathon PR 2:04:43 at Shamrock VA Beach Half-Marathon, 12/2/12 First Half-Marathon 2:32:47, 5K PR Run Under the Lights 5K 27:23 on 11/23/13, 10K PR 52:53 Pike's Peek 10K 4/21/13, (1st timed run) Accumen 8K 51:09 10/14/12.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this and your friend is going through a hard time. It is rough because when you get an Email like that and can't reach the person you feel almost helpless and want to do what ever you can do to help. It's extremely hard when you can not reach the person via telephone to make sure things are ok.
I think it is selfish on your friends part to leave you worrying and feeling this way as long as they did.
This is a sore topic for me as one of our employees (not one I knew personally) killed himself yesterday. We are all kind of in shock over it. It's just a sad shame that he felt that was his only option in whatever was going on in his life. I feel so badly for his family right now and my heart goes out to them.
I think it is selfish on your friends part to leave you worrying and feeling this way as long as they did.
This is a sore topic for me as one of our employees (not one I knew personally) killed himself yesterday. We are all kind of in shock over it. It's just a sad shame that he felt that was his only option in whatever was going on in his life. I feel so badly for his family right now and my heart goes out to them.
Lori 
This person may unfriend you, but I would seek out a family member to notify and if that fails notify the authorities.
My wife tried that several times, the last time she almost succeeded. She was in the hospital for weeks. If I had been any later coming home I would not have her company now.
She is happy now, so things change. People get off balance in hormones, body chemicals and just life/thinking. They don't realize that problems they face are not forever in many cases.
Good Luck.
My wife tried that several times, the last time she almost succeeded. She was in the hospital for weeks. If I had been any later coming home I would not have her company now.
She is happy now, so things change. People get off balance in hormones, body chemicals and just life/thinking. They don't realize that problems they face are not forever in many cases.
Good Luck.
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