Had my PS Consult... (long story)

Soooo I went to have PS consult last week... I looked into a full tummy tuck and breast augumentation with breast lift... He said  he can do the TT & BA with lift all in one surgery if my iron levels are above 10.7... My last infusion was in March so I am hoping my labs will still look good... the total cost will be $12,403.80... Wow!... I actually thought that wasn't a bad price... I honestly was thinking it would be more... but then again I have never had any plastics quotes before so this may be over priced and I wouldn't have a clue... So I was happy!... UNTIL I leave and call my hubby(who conveniently couldn't go with me) and tell him about the visit... He actually told me that if I have the surgery that "it would be the end of us"... WHAT??? ... I was shocked, hurt, and pissed off all at the same time!!... How dare he? Hell we just got married in July... granted we have been together 5 1/2 years but still... He said he wouldn't be able to handle my "Vanity"... ummmm excuse me? He said I was already stuck on myself enough without the help of larger boobs... UGHHHH... I think he has FORGOTTEN who I was BEFORE I had WLS...  have always been stuck on myself... I LOVE me... I always have and always will... that is just who I AM and it ****** me off that he feels threatened by any of this... (In fact I have MORE self conscience NOW issues than I ever have)... He knew from the time we met that I wanted to have WLS and eventually PS... He knew last year when I had my RYN that this would be next and yet he supported me... so why now? ughhhh... part of me wants SOOOOO bad to go ahead and do it... ya know call his bluff... but then there's that part of me that wants to be just content with myself and keep the peace... I love my hubby and want to respect his wishes but I feel like he just isn't respecting mine... sorry for the long rant and if anyone made it through it any advice would be welcomed... Thanks... Debbie

 It sounds like to me that it is his self esteem that is the problem. I would try and find out if maybe he is afraid of losing you or something in that nature.

yeah I think you may be right.

First of all hugs I feel your pain. Only mine is to do the RNY! My M&M tells me all the time he keeps saying this isnt the right time financially because he is scared. I am sure your husband is scared too. I will tell you this from both sides though. I look at you and see your pics and think you look fabulous. I have mentioned before that to you before and you mentioned your arms that I couldn't see the skin. YOU SEE IT IT MATTERS TO YOU! you had life altering surgery I am sorry I don't see anything wrong with wanting to fini**** off and have the body you love. Do you want to get huge implants or just a filler and lift? Seriously I joke w my hubby I want porn boobies if I ever get it done why go under if your just getting tiny ones? But I am saying it kiddingly of course because big boobies make you look larger I feel. But it is what you feel....respecting his wishes I understand to a certain extent but that is his problem. He needs to get the self confidence in himself to know that you are doing this to make yourself feel better and not to go find another man. From his side though he might be scared you will leave. He says your stuck on yourself? Does he compliment you is he stuck on you and the beautiful person that you are? Is he the type that has to go tit for tat? My husband when I said I was doing RNY a few days later well I am going to do LASIK surgery. He had to do something too..SMH.
I think that our spouses or SO's have a hard time as we change. We are the person living with the body and the changes and sometimes we can't process it. Imagine our partners who met us fell in love with us and accepted us larger know have to process our weight loss, our happiness in our new lives, and they have to wonder where do they fit. He might just be scared of so many changes.
If it were me I would explain to my husband how you love him for loving you before and after the WLS. Supporting you on your journey and even putting up with your moments of being stuck on you. But you didn't have this surgery to not be happy with your body. It is important to you that you get a tummy tuck and get your breasts done as it will make you more comfortable in your own skin. It isn't for you to go be some woman men ohh and Ahhh over it is to be comfortable for you. Remind him how your not going anywhere after all this time and how you need him to be with you every step of the way. Including doctor visits!
I think you earned every right to be stuck on yourself and to get PS. He needs to get on board and support you. I have Jo idea on pricing my friends breasts were 4400 after her WLS....just a reminder she got so small a size 4 but got D breasts and she really looks bigger it doesn't help her in the weight loss area she looks plus size on top still due to the boobs. Good luck and hugs I know this sucks but I have a feeling your man will come around.

Thank you... You are always so nice to me... and I think you may be right too... He is kinda "tit for tat" also... He too wanted to have the Lasik done after I had WLS and he wanted to "work out" and get "buff"... I encouraged him but it seemed the more I encouraged him the less he did about going through with it... When it was all discussed before he would joke with me about it... I would say I wanted HUGE boobs like JWOW and he said I could be DWOW... it was all in fun... I certainly do not want those size boobs... I do NOT want to be "tits on a stick" lol... I just want to be filled out and put back where they started... I am a size 4 jeans and do not want to be top heavy... The excess skin makes a terrible "PLOP" sound the entire time I am working out and even durning sex... It's EMBARRASSING... even though he says it doesn't bother him... It bothers ME... I think we need to have a sit down and really express each others concerns... I know he feels like I will want attention from other men and I'm not saying I don't like the attention... but I liked it when I was FABULOUSLY FAT too... thats just me... but I DO NOT want any other men... I love my hubby but it is just nice to be noticed... he has even said that he wouldn't want to be with an unattractive woman that no one notices... but then again he said that when I first started dropping weight... I don't know... I think I will express my feelings once again and hope for the best... Thanks for your reply and hopefully your man will come around too :)

Hey Debbie.... did you talk to him before your appointment???  I think this is something that is YOUR decision to make... this is your body... but he needs to be reasured...

I think you need to find out exactly what the problem is especially if you have always been "stuck on yourself" 

I talk to my dh soooooooo much about every decision that I think he thinks Jesus girl OK I GET IT, Do it just stop talking to me about it...LOL.

Tell him that certain things bother you and you feel you NEED to do something about them and that you love him and would like to include him in the decisions and you want his support.

Juls

Hey Juls... Yes I did talk to him before my appt... Heck we have been discussing it before my RNY... I just think that now it's a reality that he is scared... of what I really don't know... Since my weightloss our relationship has been a bit strained but only because he has become insanely jealous like... he never was before... I have NOT changed in the fact that I have ALWAYS been a confident woman... if anything I have lost a little confidence to be honest... I assure him ALL the time that I married him because I love him... and do not want to be with anyone else... I do not know why he has a hard time accepting it... I feel like I talk about it to him too much too but now I feel like he must not be listening or only hears what he wants to hear... I plan to talk to him once again because this is something I want so bad for myself... Thanks for your input and I will try again to get him to tell me exactly what his problem with it is... hopefully he will open up to me :)

I can tell you the problem... Your STUNNING.... and he knows that you would have NO problem finding another relationship if he/you leavve your current relationship... Perhaps the ONLY thing he thinks that might hold you back is that you don't like your skin... that if you get the PS you want you will have NO reason to stay with him...

This is HIS insecurity and I think if I were you I would do at least a few sessions of therapy with him.... becasue you need to find a way to have him understand despite any line up of men HE is the man you want...

He feels threatned. Probably from the attention you get. 

Hope he comes around...

Dear Fickleme,

I can honestly say that you were an inspiration for me when I was waiting to have my RNY. I had taken the time to look at your pictures and I thought, "Wow, she is an amazingly beautiful person inside and out!"

I cannot give you any suggestions on your current issue, but when people are in relationships, ultimatums are NEVER a good idea.

My heart goes out to you and I always try to remind myself that I NEED to learn to take care of myself 1st. I know that it sounds selfish, but sometimes we get so caught up with making sure that everyone else is satisfied and content and we put ourselves on the back burner.

Do what feels right for YOU and YOU only. Because thos that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind. ~ Dr. Suess

Big Hugs and thanks for being there for me when you did not even know the impact that you made in my life!
Susie

Awhhh... You have just made my day... I am sooo happy to hear that I have made an impact on someones life with my journey... That is what this forum is all about... Thank you... You also used one of my all time favorite quotes... I need to remind myself to use this in EVERY aspect of my life... including my WL journey... I want so bad to do this for myself yet I don't want to lose my hubby over it... I plan to try once again to talk with him about why he feels this way and I am hoping for a better and more in depth convo than the previous one... I agree with you that ultimatums in relationships are not a good idea... Wish me luck and thanks for the kind words :)