Had my PS Consult... (long story)

I'm sure that it was a terrible blow to hear that from him, especially since ya'll are newly married and you've been discussing plastic surgery from day one.

I think it might be jealousy at play, not only from the attention that a cutie like you has to attract but also just the plain old green-eyed monster coming out. My husband had RNY 13 years ago (before we were married) and as he lost weight he kept talking about how he was going to have plastic surgery and be the kind of person he had never been. I felt very intimidated and, yes, JEALOUS. I wasn't super fat at that point but was probably flirting with 200 pounds. I was irritated as hell that he rearranged his guts to lose weight and then was going to get a second chance with his body by spending a lot of money to have a plastic surgeon to fix what he had wrecked. I wanted that to be me. I know now that my feelings then were out of line, but its how I felt in the moment and I remember it clearly. Could your hubby be feeling something similar? You did say he wanted to get buff and fit, right? Is he there (in his opinion- I know you think he's adorable).

Hugs to you!

Michele

Yeah it kinda sucked to hear him say that... it's good to hear your story I haven't really taken the time to empathize with him about it... I suppose roles reversed I could see where his fears may be coming from... but I don't know how to fix them and make him realize I'm not going anywhere... thanks for replying you have definitely gave me more to consider... and to answer your question no he isn't where he wants to be physically... maybe thats a bit of it too

I can't imagine how painful that would be to hear.  My DH is fully supportive of whatever I want to do.  Of course, he is a very confident man too-no jealousy issues.

These issues are your husbands.  However, as his wife, you should try to help him work through them.  If he truly feels like that skin is the only thing holding your very new marriage together....well, he needs help.  He may have serious jealousy issues, or self confidence issues.  Either way, you can't fix those....he has to address them.

I can only tell you what I'd do:

I would not have surgery until these issues are worked out.  You owe it to your marriage to get past this hurdle (however it works out) and then concentrate on you.  The last thing you need is to have surgery against his wishes and have that to deal with while trying to heal.  That is too much to take on.

In the end, you are important, and if this is important to you, the man you love and trust the most should support you in that.

Thanks... and I agree... I can't fix his issues but I would like to help him if I can... Maybe in time he will understand the importance of it to me

tragic!

The price seems reasonable.

I suspect your DH is feeling some insecurities and it has nothing at all to do with the comments he made toward/about you.  You've lost lots of weight, look fantastic and he is probably seeing you recieve attention from others already.

I would sit down with him and discuss your feelings.  I'm sure it was a shock to hear him say this especially since he already knew you had an appt to see a PS.

Oh good... I was thinking it wasn't an unfair price... I think everyone is right... I think he has some insecurities and I need to help him realize that is not all about the vanity side for me... I want to look my best for him and for myself... I plan on having a serious heart to heart with him and I hope he can be open minded about this... and that bothers me too... If he felt this way he should have expressed it before I had the appt and got all excited about it... He knew I was going and originally was going with me but couldn't at the last minute... Thanks for your comment I hope he will come around eventually :)

I think it has been stated well here and sounds like this is his insecurities and selfishness coming out. My wife has been nothing but supportive(almost annoying at times) but supportive none the less. She has stated several times "I hope you are not doing this for me" which in a way I am but not strictly for the physical improvements but my overall health. 

I did have a good friend as well as his wife go through the surgery and they did divorce within two years. He told me when they sat down and really talked about it they had nothing in common other than they were both very heavy and didn't want to be alone...they needed each other. Once they both lost the weight they really grew apart and called it quits while they could still be friends.

What ever happens I hope you can be happy with the outcome and with yourself.

You have gotten a lot of good advice so far. It sounds like he is scared, possibly jealous of you and all of the attention you are getting, and questioning how important he is to you. I would really take his opinion seriously and try to be very considerate of him. I agree w/the other poster who said to let it rest for a while. Although it is YOUR body, this has been a really big change for him, too, and he is your husband. I think he was wrong to give you an ultimatum, but maybe that is how he is feeling: he may be wondering which is more important to you....having a "perfect" body or being with him. I would also hope my husband would chose me over perfecting his body.

Your feelings are completely valid, too. You just want to feel good about yourself and that's understandable. The more I lose, the more I see my stomach and arms sagging and think that I'd like to fix them eventually. When I've mentioned it to my DH, he rolls his eyes, but I think it's more about the $ for him.

I would just be patient and show him how important he is to you.  I wonder if he would come around after you let him know how important he is to you. I could be wrong, but it's worth a shot!

I needed plastic surgery to feel "whole" again. Period.