relationships post surgery
It changes everything about you and your relationships with the world. Some survive and change others are damaged or die out.
You have just started a journey that is hard and challenges who and what you are. You need to rediscover who you are or recreate who you will be. This can be scary to those around us. They may feel threatened or challenged to keep up with the new more active you. Jealous of the attention you now get from others especially men. They may feel prouder that they have this new woman to show the world they have value (I am becoming my husband's trophy wife lol.) or they may feel they do not deserve this new person.
You may have been in a bad relationship and settled thinking that is all you deserve and now feel empowered to make changes and no longer live that way. Abuse or neglect you would have tolerated becomes something you will not take now.
For me it caused me to spend lots of time cooking new ways and working out at the gym. I had to become more demanding of me time to take care of my health. My family had to relearn and still is adjusting to my new priorities. It even effects the level of housekeeping I am willing to tolerate. The higher energy I have now 5 1/2 months later after losing 110 pounds has driven me to keep my house cleaner and ask the family to pitch in more to keep it that way. Before I was happy to get any help to maintain the bare min.
Family time is active time something my family is not always happy about. They miss McDonalds and tv time. They can do some of that but I will not encourage or join in the way I had in the past.
I feel there are always issues in a marriage it depends how hard you want to work at them. I am married to my best friend BUT it takes hard work to stay connected to that level. (18 yr now)
Your surgery might have changed everything about you and your relationships with the world. My WLS did not change everything about me and my relationships with the world, though. It doesn't work that way for everyone. It changed some things about me - it changed what I eat, it changed my health, it changed my appearance, it changed to an extent how I feel about my body - but there are a lot of things about me it did not change. I don't think it had much effect on any of my relationships with anyone, not with my partner, not with friends, not with family, not with neighbors, not anyone.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
I left my husband a few months ago after 15 years of dysfunction. It wasn't because I needed new attention but only because after surviving a life changing operation I realized that I am stronger than I had given myself credit for. I realize that I deserve to be treated with love and dignity and that I can't continue to settle for less. I rather be alone than with someone who doesn't appreciate me and I choose not to hide behind food as a way to pretend like I am happy in my marriage
This is an interesting question for me to contemplate. I am pre-surgery, but will have it before the end of the year (yay!). My husband of 12 years and I separated this past March. I believe me being obese had a large part in the reason why "he fell out of love." Sure, there are other things that contributed to it (me always starting the next new fad diet, etc.). But the fact that he "doesn't know what he wants" leads me to believe that he is waiting to see if I will actually go through with the surgery, and then see if he finds that he is in love with me. Meh. Given the way he handled our issues (meaning, he didn't - he just one day told me he hasn't been happy for a long, long time), he better hope that I am emotionally available to him when his ass figures out what he wants. Because, quite frankly, I am doing this for me, and I don't really need him.
HW: 274 | SW: 232 | CW: 137 | Goal: 145 (ticker includes a 42 pound loss pre-op) | Height: 5'4"
M1: -24 (205) | M2: -14 (191) | M3: -11 (180) | M4: -7 (173) | M5: -7 (166) | M6: -8 (158) | M7: -11 (147) | M8: -2 (145) | M9: -3 (142) | M10: -2 (140) | M11: -4 (136) | M12: -2 (134) | M13: -0 (134) | M14: -3 (131) | M15: +4 (135) | M16: +2 (137)
Wow! I was wanting to ask the same question earlier today but thought maybe it was all in my head. I'm married, a year now, and feel the same way. I tried to explain to my husband today that all we've know since we got together was FOOD. Every time we'd go out, it was to eat. Things have changed so quickly. I'm changing and he isn't. I'm now so focused so what I'm eating, my health and making sure I follow everything like I'm suppose. I think too a lot of what I'm feeling is hormonal. I'm 13 weeks post-op and am still on the emotional rollercoaster ride. I hope for my sake and yours too things get better.
