4 years out, regurgitating, SEVERELY off track,
As someone who's struggled with disordered eating, my heart feels for you. It sounds like there's a lot of pain behind those self-effacing words. And when you ask for a kick in the ass, what you usually get is sympathy.
Like everyone else has said, get back into treatment. ASAP. If your therapist doesn't know about eating disorders, find a specialist. Contact your insurance, look up on Psychology Today's Find-A-Therapist, or go to http://web.memberclicks.com/mc/directory/viewnarrowsearch.do
But, please, don't just give up on yourself.
First ultra: Stone Mill 50 miler 11/15/14 13:44:38, First Full Marathon: Marine Corps 10/27/13 4:57:11, Half Marathon PR 2:04:43 at Shamrock VA Beach Half-Marathon, 12/2/12 First Half-Marathon 2:32:47, 5K PR Run Under the Lights 5K 27:23 on 11/23/13, 10K PR 52:53 Pike's Peek 10K 4/21/13, (1st timed run) Accumen 8K 51:09 10/14/12.
I eat the very same things over and over and can't go to the grocery store either, but I don't binge because I know the outcome will be bad. Go to wal mart and buy 6 boxes of protein bars, eat 5 a day and drink water or tea and thats it until you get your head back in the game. You signed this deal with the devil and had surgery now you have to live up to your end or get MO again, you choose.
I will not give you **** You sound like you are in a really really dark place. You don't have to stay there but when it's so dark it's hard to believe there is any light.
You have had success in many areas of your life..including your weight loss. Where do you see yourself going? What do you want your life to be?
I agree with one of the posters above..just one thing a day One thing. Right now my one thing is increasing my non caloric fluid intake.
Light to you
Deb T>
I admire your honesty and willingness to put yourself out there. Many many people know what they need to do and don't want to do it but very few are so honest about it. I think that we need to be kind to ourselves and when we are compassionate to ourselves then change is more possible. There are good reasons why you are having so much trouble. Eating disorders suck and it sounds like you need lots of help with that. You can't change something until you have seen it, and you have seen it. So now you can start working on it. If you don't know where to start let us know, lots of people have had good ideas on here, if you need more just say so. And be kind to yourself. You need to change (because it sounds like your life is miserable right now) but you also need to be kind to yourself. you can do it. It can get better.
