My confession ( long and infuriating)

I am so sorry you are suffering. Call the NUT now. It is better to do it now while you are just struggling than to wait until you regain 50 pounds. THAT would be way more embarrassing than heading this off now. Just my opinion. You can do this. You have come this far. Do not throw it away by undoing all that you have done.

PLEASE listen to Lora. She is very wise. I am sure her words are tough to read but they are VERY true. If you get pregnant this early out, your child could be born with HUGE health issues due to your malabsorption, etc. Definitely NOT worth it. It is much more worth it to wait another 10 months or so.

Please put your baby first.

Thank you all for your insight. I feel I need to clear up a few things. While I do want a child... I dont want to have one to solidify my marriage. It is solid on its own. Our breakdown was caused by a horrible lack of communication between us. We have since gotten help and we are fine with each other. Yes we do want a child. We have been married for almost 7years now.
I also need to clear up the birth control issue. I know I should wait. I spoke to the ob/gyn at length about birth control. I do NOT want an IUD. I have enough problems down there without that. He said that due to my issues the odds of me getting pregnant naturally are so low that while it is at my own risk that I dont use protection, that chances are I won't get pregnant anyways. I know that generally women get more fertile. But not me. My issues have gotten much worse.

It would be VERY irresponsible for an OB/GYN to say that - they must not like their licence to practice too much!!!!!!    I'm amazed that any professional would tell a patient that and I'm pretty sure that you have misunderstood what they said.

It only seems like a few weeks ago you were on here CONVINCED that you were pregnant after a condom break - what's changed in that time?

I agree, Kim! NO GOOD DOCTOR would say that. And I thoroughly remember your posts about suspected pregnancy...

I understand your husband and you are working on things, but I would never consider a marriage that was near divorce and required help to be solid. A serious lack of communication skills after 7 years of marriage is not solid. Hate to be a ***** but step back and look at this as an outsider. I would only hope that if it was me posting these things, everyone would tell me to get it together.

I was told my chances of ever getting pregnant were miniscule. I tracked my ovulation for over a year and never ovulated. I did fertility treatments. Nothing worked. I was told I would need to consider IVF. Guess what? I gave up, ended up divorcing my douche husband, met my now husband and never used protection. I got pregnant. I hadnt had a period in over a year and my ovaries were the worst they had ever been. And due to my reproductive issues, I ended up in the hospital multiple times because my body was trying to terminate the pregnancy. I had to do hormone therapy and weekly appointments, was on bed rest and ended up having to be induced. So it is entirely possible to randomly release an egg. Trust me. You will struggle with your health problems as is, and then add on being a new post op?! Yikes.

I tried being nice before, but you seemed to come back as defensive and offended. Question? Why would you post this on here if you dont want to hear you are wrong? You seem to have it in your mind that you want a baby and refuse to use BC. You are being irresponsible and frankly, kind of disgusting. I have seen two babies buried. Both were my sisters babies. One was 15 hours old, one was 6 months into the pregnancy. You do not want to know the anguish of being hospitalized to be induced so you can go through labor and deliver a dead baby. Both instances, the baby had a short umbilical cord and wasnt getting enough nutrients. Nutritional deficiency during pregnancy is no joke. A dead baby is no joke. Get over yourself, get on birth control, and get your act together. If you still dont want to, dont come here asking for advice when you know full well what people would say.

I dont get how I was acting offended or defensive.  I am seeing what everyone is writing and I am taking a lot of it to heart.  I will speak to OB/GYN #6 whom I have an appointment with in two weeks and see what kind of birth control he is willing to use with me.  Forgive me, but these doctors have turned my world upside down more than once. Two of the 6 told me I was never going to get pregnant on my own and two others were ready to schedule me for IVF testing.  The one I have now is saying that I should not really worry about protection.  So lets see if #6 can actually help me and treat me like a human being and not a breeding cow or the village idiot.  I was being honest on my feelings.  I knew I was going to get yelled at.  That is what I needed to get my butt back on track.  See, my family does not care that I had surgery... They want that grand-baby.  Every gathering, every wedding, every funeral...Thats all I ever get asked.  

As for dead babies... No, I have never been pregnant or lost a pregnancy or had  a child die.  

But my mom and my mother-in-law have...   MY MIL lost both of her children after my husband.  One was two weeks old, the other was 4 days old.  It was no fault of her own, one had a weird disease that no one knows where it came from  that caused her to bleed into her brain several times. The other one, was exposed to E Coli by someone on the hospital staff.  My mom lost 16 pregnancies over the course of her life.  She had one baby die right at birth.  I am the only one that survived

I am not trying to be a ***** or being a smartass to anyone, I appreciate what all of you have said.  I hope I can get the help I need from this doctor.  Right now I am in excruciating pain and I am hormonal as hell.  I can hopefully get he laparoscopy and get put on some birth control until I am at least a year out.  MY surgeon says once I hit my goal weight and if my labs stay as good as they are, then he will give the OK

 

Text never reads the way we intend it. You seemed defensive and I apologize if I misinterpreted your reply. I had the same exact thing happen to me about getting pregant. I went through so many doctors. Actually, every one of them from my area. I was told I was too fat (literally those words), that I couldn't get pregnant, that I should give up, that IVF was my only chance, etc. When I did get pregnant and was constantly in a threatened miscarriage stage, I had four different doctors tell me there was no chance of the pregnancy holding and that I should go home and prepare for the loss. I finally went in and saw a doctor at a specialty clinic that I had seen after being diagnosed with PCOS. She told me it was definitely possible I would lose the baby, but that she wouldnt just sit and wait for it. She was proactive and helped stop the blood loss and cramping. She left to go back to her home town, but left me in the care of the best doctor I have ever had. He is like a super hero to me, honestly. You really just need to keep searching for the doctor that will work for you. It is hard. I know all too well about doctors being *****s and messing with your mind. I had a doctor do an exam on me and say, "yes, your baby is going to die. But if for some reason it doesnt, I would be happy to be the pediatrician". I am SO blessed to have found an amazing gyno and an amazing PCP. They are both from the Mayo Health System and are incredible. I encourage you to keep looking for a good doctor. I suggest using a BC pill with hormones. They will help your period stabilize, will help with the pain and heavy bleeding. I also cannot do an IUD, and they dont have the hormones my crazy girlies need. I am going to be trying seasonique, only four periods a year! Hell yeah! But sweetheart, DO NOT give up hope. Both of my pregnancies were horribly unplanned and came at terrible stages in my life.But I couldnt be happier to have them. But I am proof...you think you cant get pregnant, then BAM! But it sounds like you know you need BC. And after more weight loss, women can become super fertile, so that is why we really need extra care to not get pregnant. But when a safe amount of time has passed, you WILL get pregnant and be healthy. Find the right doctor and take care of yourself now. Best of luck to you and I sincerely hope you feel better soon.

I was a midwife (no longer practising) and I can't tell you how many babies I have delivered to women with "infertility" issues!!!!   My niece had 3 rounds of IVFafter years of infertility and testing - all unsuccessful ...  Three years later she had three little girls - each of them 10 months apart with no assistance whatsoever!

You really need to get birth control - either something like The Mirena IUD which has hormones that pretty much take away your periods or a birth control pill that has BOTH oestrogen AND progesterone - mini pills with just progesterone will not give you adequate coverage after RNY.   I don't get why you are not on something now though ...   Don't keep putting this off!

Use this year to get yourself healthy, lose the weight, exercise and get your periods under control (they are a little crazy after WLS) - then once you are to goal, have an appointment ready with a fertility specialist - someone who will see how dedicated you have been in preparing your body for a healthy pregnancy and I'll bet you they'll take you  seriously!

I agree 100% with what Kim said.  No ethical OB/GYN would tell  a woman not to use birth control only 5 months after a RNY!  That is insane no matter what reproductive issues you have experienced in the past.  It is understandable that you do not want an IUD with the problems you are already having, but there are a BUNCH of other options out there, so not being a good candidate for an IUD does not relieve you of your responsibility for using adequate birth control.  What crystal ball do you have that allows you to look into the future to be able to state with such certainty that "I know that generally women get more fertile. But not me."?  I need to know about the future of my job after April, so perhaps you could use that crystal ball to tell me.  Seriously, unless you are not having sex, you cannot know that you will not become pregnant.

You are free to do as you wish, of course, but there are women on here who would do ANYTHING within their power to be able to have a child, and your nonchalant attitude about potentially putting a baby's health at risk by knowingly doing nothing to prevent pregnancy right after RNY is certain to be painful (and probably angering) to them. 

I do hope you will reconsider and be responsible about birth control.  And  kick the doctor who told you not to worry about birth control after RNY to the curb.

Lora

Thank you Lora.  I have been an advocate for forms of birth control for 40 years.  There is no reason in today's world to get pregnant unnecessarily. People say their BC pills failed them, well their failure rate is so low it's not even funny.  Usually it is the lack of responsibility on the woman not taking them correctly.  If you use a condom, use spermicide with it.  Like Kim had said in an earlier post, how come you were so worried when the condom broke if you are so sure you can't get pregnant?

Now for the OP.  Do you realize that relationships are not built on how well your sex life is?  It sounds like to me that this is all you have in your marriage.  I would become abstinent if it meant taking the risk for a pregnancy that could cause such damage to the baby.  Marriage or relationships are not based on how hot things get in bed.  I am going to say this, but these problems you are having in your life have existed long before you ever met your mate.  Babies NEVER make a relationship better.  Did you know that 60% of infertile couples split up? Any good therapist would have told you in counseling that it takes a great deal of time to work on a bad marriage.  You cannot clear up your problems with just so many visits.  You have to work it, live it just like WLS. 

I truly hope you get some serious help to understand the immense responsibility and maturity it is to raise a child.  I have seen this too much in my lifetime.  I am afraid if you become pregnant you become another statistic, but the fetus is the one that will pay. 

If you ladies were to read the last post I made in this topic, you will see that I am going to be getting on birth control soon.  I have an appointment January 7th with Doctor #6,  Hopefully he will be the one that stops all this madness.  I do not want an IUD as I am having serious pain issues as it is.  I would consider the pill again if it will work after RNY.  I got so worried about that condom breaking because I thought you could get pregnant so easily after RNY.  Well, obviously I did not. All this crap with the doctors telling me I cannot get pregnant without medical intervention mostly sparked the stoppage of using the condoms. 

As far as my marriage goes, we had a wonderful first 5 years. Then my husband started making friends with the wrong people.  He was drinking, smoking and just all around being an ass to me, just like his friends were. He has since stopped doing all of those things and has stopped hanging around with those people.  I put my foot down and said it is either me or your friends. Obviously he made the right choice.  He has severe anxiety, that up until now, he has been able to hide ( hiding because he is ashamed of it)  I did not understand anxiety as I do not suffer from it.  I have researched it and now I am able with the help of couples therapy to understand how he is feeling and calm him in difficult situations.  He has been seeking help with  new friends and doctors.

Sex life... LOL   

Even at my young age, My spine is in horrible shape. Losing weight has helped with how bad it hurts, but from all the years of doctors dicking me around with that too, I have nerve damage that has really screwed up sex for me.  I can't even feel penetration... 

Now that my husband has had his neck surgery and I have lost 100 lbs, I am experimenting to see if there is anything I can even feel.   We don't have sex everyday.  IF my marriage and relationship with my husband was based on sex, hell we would have been divorced years ago. For almost a full year we were abstinent because it would hurt me so bad until I had my fusions. He is my best friend and biggest supporter.  Now that those bad influences are out of his life and he has made new friends who actually belong in polite society he has become the man I fell in love with all over again.  He wants a family, a simple life and I want that too.  Its a shame that children did not come easily to us.  I will wait to get pregnant, The surgeon said one full year. I told him what was happening and he is disappointed that i did not listen but still understands where I am coming from...